Hello there! I'm a single 40-something year old unmarried father from Colorado with 2 kids (15 and 12 years old, boy and girl) and have been divorced for 9 years. My kid's mom has been remarried for 6 years, so the kids are very well adjusted to me being single and their mom and step-dad being married. In other words, they have no hopes for their mom and I getting back together.
I've been communicating with a woman (who I met on-line) from Canada since early January 2020. We met in-person twice for a total of 3 weeks. She has never been married and has no kids, so we're hoping the long-distance will be shortened and we'll eventually live in the same town.
The question I have is when is the best time for me to introduce her to my kids? They have been aware of her since we started dating but I've been hesitant to have her meet my kids. Although we are in a committed relationship, we have only been officially in contact since January 2020. I don't want to bring my girlfriend into my kid's lives, only for us to break up. It would be like putting my kids through another divorce. I also don't want to get really close to engagement and then introduce my girlfriend to my kids, only to find out that they don't get along.
I heard from a wise person once that he waited 8 months before introducing his son to his girlfriend. It gave their relationship time to flourish and grow. To me, 8 months is a bit too long and since every situation is unique, I don't want to stick to a certain time period. In my unique circumstance, my girlfriend has only visited me once and we are uncertain when she'll be back in town. Would it be appropriate to introduce her to my kids since she'll be leaving town soon?
I try to view things from her perspective and it would be tough to not spend time with me while I'm with my kids. Here she is, traveling to Colorado to see me but we have to be apart whenever my kids are with me.
An introduction to my kids wouldn't be like everyone spending the entire day together, it would only be a walk or my girlfriend coming over to my place to play games or everyone having dinner together. I think my kids and girlfriend should be involved in the relationship early-on so they can discover if they get along. Because I have kids, the relationship and interaction between them and my girlfriend is paramount to the foundation of a possible future blended family.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you do it? What rules did you put into place to encompass everyone's feelings, points of view and contribute to the forward progression of the relationships? What didn't work? Is there anyone else you know who went through this kind of situation?
Thank you for your comments!
I've been communicating with a woman (who I met on-line) from Canada since early January 2020. We met in-person twice for a total of 3 weeks. She has never been married and has no kids, so we're hoping the long-distance will be shortened and we'll eventually live in the same town.
The question I have is when is the best time for me to introduce her to my kids? They have been aware of her since we started dating but I've been hesitant to have her meet my kids. Although we are in a committed relationship, we have only been officially in contact since January 2020. I don't want to bring my girlfriend into my kid's lives, only for us to break up. It would be like putting my kids through another divorce. I also don't want to get really close to engagement and then introduce my girlfriend to my kids, only to find out that they don't get along.
I heard from a wise person once that he waited 8 months before introducing his son to his girlfriend. It gave their relationship time to flourish and grow. To me, 8 months is a bit too long and since every situation is unique, I don't want to stick to a certain time period. In my unique circumstance, my girlfriend has only visited me once and we are uncertain when she'll be back in town. Would it be appropriate to introduce her to my kids since she'll be leaving town soon?
I try to view things from her perspective and it would be tough to not spend time with me while I'm with my kids. Here she is, traveling to Colorado to see me but we have to be apart whenever my kids are with me.
An introduction to my kids wouldn't be like everyone spending the entire day together, it would only be a walk or my girlfriend coming over to my place to play games or everyone having dinner together. I think my kids and girlfriend should be involved in the relationship early-on so they can discover if they get along. Because I have kids, the relationship and interaction between them and my girlfriend is paramount to the foundation of a possible future blended family.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you do it? What rules did you put into place to encompass everyone's feelings, points of view and contribute to the forward progression of the relationships? What didn't work? Is there anyone else you know who went through this kind of situation?
Thank you for your comments!