I spent most of my life being a very bad Christian. I was a very emotionally troubled person. I would frequently have fits of rage, depression, constant doubt and fear, even thoughts of suicide. I wasn't social at all and had a really bad anxiety disorder. Since being born again and baptized by the Holy Spirit I have realized that this kind of behavior is demonic. I haven't really dealt with it since then.
Anyway, despite the fact that I grew up going to church I still rarely prayed and almost never read the Bible. When I became an adult I stopped doing any those things. I never stopped calling myself a Christian though until March of 2017. I was frustrated with my life and in a fit of rage I became an agnostic. I always had this cross hanging from my rear view mirror, that morning I ripped it off.
The following two weekends, some soul winners from a nearby church knocked on my door. I rejected them but it did get me thinking though. A few months later I decided to buy Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (who was apparently a heretic). He made a pretty good argument for the existence of God and obedience to his laws. I cried a lot that night and I told God that I just wanted to be happy. I started praying daily. But... I was still sinning a lot and most importantly I wasn't reading the Bible. I still wasn't saved.
About two months after converting I stopped praying regularly. I went back to being my old self. I was still angry, depressed, insecure. Then in February of 2019 I was reading an article about Justin and Hailey Bieber's Christian marriage (yes Justin Bieber helped save me). A sudden blissful and peaceful feeling came over me. I didn't even finish the article. I didn't know about baptism of the Holy Spirit but I still knew what this was. It was the craziest feeling. I didn't feel like finding a better job a nicer place to live all of my insecurities were removed. It was just bliss and peace and it lasted for four days!
I can honestly say that experience changed me, it healed me. I'm back to praying everyday and I now read the Bible also. I was a miserable wreck. But now I am happy.
Anyway, despite the fact that I grew up going to church I still rarely prayed and almost never read the Bible. When I became an adult I stopped doing any those things. I never stopped calling myself a Christian though until March of 2017. I was frustrated with my life and in a fit of rage I became an agnostic. I always had this cross hanging from my rear view mirror, that morning I ripped it off.
The following two weekends, some soul winners from a nearby church knocked on my door. I rejected them but it did get me thinking though. A few months later I decided to buy Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (who was apparently a heretic). He made a pretty good argument for the existence of God and obedience to his laws. I cried a lot that night and I told God that I just wanted to be happy. I started praying daily. But... I was still sinning a lot and most importantly I wasn't reading the Bible. I still wasn't saved.
About two months after converting I stopped praying regularly. I went back to being my old self. I was still angry, depressed, insecure. Then in February of 2019 I was reading an article about Justin and Hailey Bieber's Christian marriage (yes Justin Bieber helped save me). A sudden blissful and peaceful feeling came over me. I didn't even finish the article. I didn't know about baptism of the Holy Spirit but I still knew what this was. It was the craziest feeling. I didn't feel like finding a better job a nicer place to live all of my insecurities were removed. It was just bliss and peace and it lasted for four days!
I can honestly say that experience changed me, it healed me. I'm back to praying everyday and I now read the Bible also. I was a miserable wreck. But now I am happy.
