Husband keeps telling me to leave in disagreements-rough disciplin

MzSmith

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Whenever my husband and I have disagreements between us or about my boys (which is often), he ends up telling me to leave and that he doesn't want me. He also throws and breaks things in the house. I can't say a word to him when his temper is flaring, then when he's calmed, he always says "well, it's over now, people always say and do stuff they don't mean when they are upset, get over it.' I often think about leaving anyway because he is verbally abusive to me and uses excessive discipline on my children. Our latest argument the other day was over how he disciplined my 12 year old for raising his voice at him and balling his fists in anger towards him. It was because he thought my son called his 6 year old grandson a dumb dumb, and he didn't. He hit my son repeatedly in the head and when my son fell to the ground, my husband placed his size 14 shoe on his face (he is 310 pounds) and left a huge red mark on the left side of my son's face. He was telling him to shut the f' up the entire time and that he was going to kill him. This was in the garage with the door up and neighbors actually were on their step looking. I can't tell you how scared and embarrassed I was. I tried to calm him, but he kept at hit. I told my husband that it wasn't right, then he became angry with me and literally tried to force me out of the house for several hours, cursing at me, and even went so far as to tell me he was going to shut down all electricity and cable, water, etc. to force me and the kids to leave. I truly want to leave him but feel torn over starting over, but something deep in me, something that keeps me up until 3 am in the morning, is telling me I had better leave for my own good. He is constantly telling me to get out and that he doesn't want me anymore. Today I said "I know you don't love me, and he didn't respond". Yesterday my husband threatened to 'mess us all up' if we didn't respect him in the house his good credit bought. I'm 49 years old, make almost 75,000 a year in a profession I've been in for almost 20 years, and have a decent savings. I just feel while I'm not old, I shouldn't have to put up with this from my husband, and I feel its borderline abuse with my kids, if not abuse with the mark on his face. I feel I just need to start making plans for at least a separation.
 

Sparagmos

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Whenever my husband and I have disagreements between us or about my boys (which is often), he ends up telling me to leave and that he doesn't want me. He also throws and breaks things in the house. I can't say a word to him when his temper is flaring, then when he's calmed, he always says "well, it's over now, people always say and do stuff they don't mean when they are upset, get over it.' I often think about leaving anyway because he is verbally abusive to me and uses excessive discipline on my children. Our latest argument the other day was over how he disciplined my 12 year old for raising his voice at him and balling his fists in anger towards him. It was because he thought my son called his 6 year old grandson a dumb dumb, and he didn't. He hit my son repeatedly in the head and when my son fell to the ground, my husband placed his size 14 shoe on his face (he is 310 pounds) and left a huge red mark on the left side of my son's face. He was telling him to shut the f' up the entire time and that he was going to kill him. This was in the garage with the door up and neighbors actually were on their step looking. I can't tell you how scared and embarrassed I was. I tried to calm him, but he kept at hit. I told my husband that it wasn't right, then he became angry with me and literally tried to force me out of the house for several hours, cursing at me, and even went so far as to tell me he was going to shut down all electricity and cable, water, etc. to force me and the kids to leave. I truly want to leave him but feel torn over starting over, but something deep in me, something that keeps me up until 3 am in the morning, is telling me I had better leave for my own good. He is constantly telling me to get out and that he doesn't want me anymore. Today I said "I know you don't love me, and he didn't respond". Yesterday my husband threatened to 'mess us all up' if we didn't respect him in the house his good credit bought. I'm 49 years old, make almost 75,000 a year in a profession I've been in for almost 20 years, and have a decent savings. I just feel while I'm not old, I shouldn't have to put up with this from my husband, and I feel its borderline abuse with my kids, if not abuse with the mark on his face. I feel I just need to start making plans for at least a separation.
A parent must always put the safety of their children first. You are putting yourself first, when you choose your fear of leaving or your hope that things will change over leaving with your kids. They will remember that you stood by and stayed while your husband beat and threatened them.
 
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Michie

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Whenever my husband and I have disagreements between us or about my boys (which is often), he ends up telling me to leave and that he doesn't want me. He also throws and breaks things in the house. I can't say a word to him when his temper is flaring, then when he's calmed, he always says "well, it's over now, people always say and do stuff they don't mean when they are upset, get over it.' I often think about leaving anyway because he is verbally abusive to me and uses excessive discipline on my children. Our latest argument the other day was over how he disciplined my 12 year old for raising his voice at him and balling his fists in anger towards him. It was because he thought my son called his 6 year old grandson a dumb dumb, and he didn't. He hit my son repeatedly in the head and when my son fell to the ground, my husband placed his size 14 shoe on his face (he is 310 pounds) and left a huge red mark on the left side of my son's face. He was telling him to shut the f' up the entire time and that he was going to kill him. This was in the garage with the door up and neighbors actually were on their step looking. I can't tell you how scared and embarrassed I was. I tried to calm him, but he kept at hit. I told my husband that it wasn't right, then he became angry with me and literally tried to force me out of the house for several hours, cursing at me, and even went so far as to tell me he was going to shut down all electricity and cable, water, etc. to force me and the kids to leave. I truly want to leave him but feel torn over starting over, but something deep in me, something that keeps me up until 3 am in the morning, is telling me I had better leave for my own good. He is constantly telling me to get out and that he doesn't want me anymore. Today I said "I know you don't love me, and he didn't respond". Yesterday my husband threatened to 'mess us all up' if we didn't respect him in the house his good credit bought. I'm 49 years old, make almost 75,000 a year in a profession I've been in for almost 20 years, and have a decent savings. I just feel while I'm not old, I shouldn't have to put up with this from my husband, and I feel its borderline abuse with my kids, if not abuse with the mark on his face. I feel I just need to start making plans for at least a separation.
You need to call the police and remove him from the home.
 
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snoochface

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This is not "borderline" abuse. He put your kid on the ground, hit him repeatedly, and then stepped on his face. You need to leave for your child's safety if not your own. And you need counseling yourself so you can learn what is and is not abuse before one of those neighbors calls CPS and they come take your kid from you for not keeping him safe from this man.
 
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Jeshu

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Your husband has an anger problem and needs help, if he is not willing to seek any help then i would remove yourself and your children from him until he does

Please understand that you have the law behind you, there is never any excuse to abuse children, discipline has to be done in love never out of (out of control) anger.

Counselling might be able to rescue your marriage. That is after your husband has taken responsibility of course, but otherwise indeed you have very little marriage left over.

Praying you will heed God's loving truth about what best to do.

:hug:
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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Whenever my husband and I have disagreements between us or about my boys (which is often), he ends up telling me to leave and that he doesn't want me. He also throws and breaks things in the house. I can't say a word to him when his temper is flaring, then when he's calmed, he always says "well, it's over now, people always say and do stuff they don't mean when they are upset, get over it.' I often think about leaving anyway because he is verbally abusive to me and uses excessive discipline on my children. Our latest argument the other day was over how he disciplined my 12 year old for raising his voice at him and balling his fists in anger towards him. It was because he thought my son called his 6 year old grandson a dumb dumb, and he didn't. He hit my son repeatedly in the head and when my son fell to the ground, my husband placed his size 14 shoe on his face (he is 310 pounds) and left a huge red mark on the left side of my son's face. He was telling him to shut the f' up the entire time and that he was going to kill him. This was in the garage with the door up and neighbors actually were on their step looking. I can't tell you how scared and embarrassed I was. I tried to calm him, but he kept at hit. I told my husband that it wasn't right, then he became angry with me and literally tried to force me out of the house for several hours, cursing at me, and even went so far as to tell me he was going to shut down all electricity and cable, water, etc. to force me and the kids to leave. I truly want to leave him but feel torn over starting over, but something deep in me, something that keeps me up until 3 am in the morning, is telling me I had better leave for my own good. He is constantly telling me to get out and that he doesn't want me anymore. Today I said "I know you don't love me, and he didn't respond". Yesterday my husband threatened to 'mess us all up' if we didn't respect him in the house his good credit bought. I'm 49 years old, make almost 75,000 a year in a profession I've been in for almost 20 years, and have a decent savings. I just feel while I'm not old, I shouldn't have to put up with this from my husband, and I feel its borderline abuse with my kids, if not abuse with the mark on his face. I feel I just need to start making plans for at least a separation.
He cannot legally tell you to leave the family home. But if you leave of your own accord, then that is another matter and you will find it difficult to assert your rights concerning the home. It would be the same if he voluntarily leave. Either way, it would mean that you are separating, and a family court judge may determine that the date on which either you or your husband left the home would be the date of your separation. If through family violence you are forced to escape the home, you would need to go straight to your lawyer and obtain a legal separation order detailing your rights to the home and relationship assets.
 
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turkle

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I just went back and saw your other posts. To summarize, he hit your son, his step-son, and barred you from being in contact with your own child. Then he forced you into group sex, and got angry when you wanted to stop. Now he's abusing another son and continues to abuse you. My question is, why do you continue to live with this monster and subject your children to him? It sounds like he should be in jail on a number of counts.
 
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Coco_1969

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I agree with everyone else. I have to say I am rather shocked that you are hesitating after what he did to your son. Whether you get him kicked out or you leave with the kids is your own decision, but putting up with this kind of treatment is ridiculous and dangerous.
 
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RedPonyDriver

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Him throwing things and destroying property is considered domestic violence and assault same as if he hit you. Run don't walk to your nearest police station, request a protective order then go find a good divorce lawyer.
 
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NerdGirl

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Whenever my husband and I have disagreements between us or about my boys (which is often), he ends up telling me to leave and that he doesn't want me. He also throws and breaks things in the house. I can't say a word to him when his temper is flaring, then when he's calmed, he always says "well, it's over now, people always say and do stuff they don't mean when they are upset, get over it.' I often think about leaving anyway because he is verbally abusive to me and uses excessive discipline on my children. Our latest argument the other day was over how he disciplined my 12 year old for raising his voice at him and balling his fists in anger towards him. It was because he thought my son called his 6 year old grandson a dumb dumb, and he didn't. He hit my son repeatedly in the head and when my son fell to the ground, my husband placed his size 14 shoe on his face (he is 310 pounds) and left a huge red mark on the left side of my son's face. He was telling him to shut the f' up the entire time and that he was going to kill him. This was in the garage with the door up and neighbors actually were on their step looking. I can't tell you how scared and embarrassed I was. I tried to calm him, but he kept at hit. I told my husband that it wasn't right, then he became angry with me and literally tried to force me out of the house for several hours, cursing at me, and even went so far as to tell me he was going to shut down all electricity and cable, water, etc. to force me and the kids to leave. I truly want to leave him but feel torn over starting over, but something deep in me, something that keeps me up until 3 am in the morning, is telling me I had better leave for my own good. He is constantly telling me to get out and that he doesn't want me anymore. Today I said "I know you don't love me, and he didn't respond". Yesterday my husband threatened to 'mess us all up' if we didn't respect him in the house his good credit bought. I'm 49 years old, make almost 75,000 a year in a profession I've been in for almost 20 years, and have a decent savings. I just feel while I'm not old, I shouldn't have to put up with this from my husband, and I feel its borderline abuse with my kids, if not abuse with the mark on his face. I feel I just need to start making plans for at least a separation.

This is awful! I'm so terribly sorry that you and your children are going through this. I absolutely think you need to get yourself and your children out of that house. It's not safe, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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Ugh. "People always say or do things they don't mean when....". Right, until you do something like hit your spouse. Then you can't even try to say "I didn't mean it!". Couples argue of course, but he's being abusive and maybe its time to tell him that if he doesn't want to get help, then you may need him to move out (or you move out with the kids) just for awhile. Give him time to think of what he really wants. What's really important.
 
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