- Oct 9, 2019
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Well to put it short we have been married for less than a month since march 16 and now she wants to get a divorce because she says I lied to her about masterbateing
I would buy the book pure desire (by ted roberts) and have her read it with you (it speaks of both in the couple dealing with it, and has a chapter on what to tell the wife). It will help conquer the inappropriate content issue as well as tackle the harder issue of masturbation and fantasy in general. I think if she knows you are trying to be better and get help, she may give you another chance. But inappropriate content usage makes it twice as likely to get divorced, and even if you do divorce, inappropriate content use makes it twice as likely you will break up in your next relationship. So you need to make war with it now, fight for your marriage. She is not wrong wanting to leave as you are literally cheating on her with infinite online women by fantasy. To me that is like being unfaithful. No different than sleeping with another woman. So anyway, I post regularly to my thread on trafficking, it has some tips at the end of the thread, Human Trafficking; Be part of the solution, not part of the problemWell to put it short we have been married for less than a month since march 16 and now she wants to get a divorce because she says I lied to her about masterbateing
Well to put it short we have been married for less than a month since march 16 and now she wants to get a divorce because she says I lied to her about masterbateing
I suppose she means the premarital masturbation and lying about it. But who knows.Maybe I'm wrong but, shouldn't this problem be sorted once, one finds a marriage partner for sharing those special intimate moments with, amongst other things?
Was inappropriate contentography being viewed?Well to put it short we have been married for less than a month since march 16 and now she wants to get a divorce because she says I lied to her about [masturbating]
Whoa! Let's not get ahead of the facts in evidence.The biggest problem is that your are apparently addicted to inappropriate content.
I think addictive sins are tricky, I would not say that one's salvation is in jeopardy. But if one ever becomes a proud inappropriate content user, and teaches others to use it, and is happy to do it, that is another category of sin, that is what the bible calls 'practicing sin.' And that would be a danger zone, but if he struggles, is addicted, can't quit and feels shame and remorse over his addiction, I believe there is grace and forgiveness for all sin in Christ. That does not mean it won't damage a marriage, or one's mind longterm, or even one's other relationships. But good post I agree with almost all of it.Messiah said that if a man even mentally lusts after a woman that he has committed adultery in his heart. Not the way to get to Heaven.
You are free to believe that masturbation is fine with the Lord and that sexual activities are not restricted to marriage. You are free to believe that people can touch and not have sexual thughts. And I am free to disagree on that.Whoa! Let's not get ahead of the facts in evidence.
Men touch. Even Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey. Not all men use inappropriate contentography or imagine women other than there wife. Yes, the biggest problem might actually be his wife wanting a divorce (supposedly) because her husband was observed masturbating. Unlikely, but possible. Either way, it's likely there's something more going on with both ends of that relationship than has been disclosed in this op.
Perhaps their wedding vows didn't include that part "for better, for worse...." of if they were said those two don't understand the meaning of those words .
Of course there is grace and forgiveness in Messiah. That is why I tried to get him to focus more on the masturbation than on the marriage, though I supposed I should have been more specific and said that he needed to go to the Lord for help.I think addictive sins are tricky, I would not say that one's salvation is in jeopardy. But if one ever becomes a proud inappropriate content user, and teaches others to use it, and is happy to do it, that is another category of sin, that is what the bible calls 'practicing sin.' And that would be a danger zone, but if he struggles, is addicted, can't quit and feels shame and remorse over his addiction, I believe there is grace and forgiveness for all sin in Christ. That does not mean it won't damage a marriage, or one's mind longterm, or even one's other relationships. But good post I agree with almost all of it.
I never said any such thing.You are free to believe that masturbation is fine with the Lord and that sexual activities are not restricted to marriage. .
Except that is not what the op states.The wife says the husband "lied about not masturbating."
No, we cannot be positive and because we cannot be positive we should be cautious about assuming certainty. In this case questions are more powerful that statements. How about we get the germane facts before we judge and advise?We cannot be positive but it certainly seems....
Yes, it does seem that way....he lied before the marriage.
If she isn't sticking to her "for better, for worse," promise then she didn't enter the marriage true, either. Both entered the marital covenant under what is likely to be idealized pretenses, not malevolent pretenses. Still false either way but the handling of the former is much different than the handling of the latter. Most couples learn things about each other they previously thought were otherwise, and the "I thought you said you were....." is a common conversation in many marriages. That doesn't mean willful intent to deceive was practiced.Therefore the marriage was contracted under false pretenses.
I'm inclined to agree based on real practical and real professional experience having worked with scores of couples with similar concerns.She has every right to feel betrayed and used.
Except there isn't a single verse in the entirety of the Bible that mentions masturbation.Further, again, since sexual activities are to be restricted to marriage per the Bible, she has every right to feel that she is being cheated on.
And that might be because his wife has not given him her "sexual energies."He is not giving her his sexual energies, but his hand - and as I believe, to some fantasy partners.
Nope, and nothing Ihave posted should be construed to say otherwise.Is that what the Father wants in a marriage?
Yep.Yes, she could forgive him.
Well then I will say it: She should forgive him and she she do it for both their individual sakes and the sake of their marriage and she should forgive all that is involved surrounding the incident where they both bear culpability.I am not saying she should or shouldn't.
I completely agree. I will also add forgiveness isn't the goal; it is merely one step, one objective toward reaching larger goals of reconciliation, healing, and marital oneness..... with God.That is up to her. Forgiveness and trust are not one and the same at all, however.
Whoa! Let's not get ahead of the facts in evidence.
Men touch. Even Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey. Not all men use inappropriate contentography or imagine women other than there wife. Yes, the biggest problem might actually be his wife wanting a divorce (supposedly) because her husband was observed masturbating. Unlikely, but possible. Either way, it's likely there's something more going on with both ends of that relationship than has been disclosed in this op.
Perhaps their wedding vows didn't include that part "for better, for worse...." of if they were said those two don't understand the meaning of those words .
And that was a wrong assumption to make. There aren't any excuses to be made or explanations minimizing the wrong doing.Your comment 'Men touch" followed by a list of men I never heard of who "even" do it, seemed to me to be a "Boys will be boys" kind of indifference to masturbation....
Apology accepted. However, what matters is that the wrongdoing cease.Sorry!
Look more closely. Twice now the word, "not" has been inserted where it does not exist. The OP DOES NOT say, "She says I lied to her about not masturbating."I said "The wife said the man lied about not masturbating." You said I was putting words into another's post in stating that. This is from the OP: "She says I lied to her about not masturbating."
Do those two mentions of "sorry" mean the same thing?This is not a debate forum. Sorry, but I really have nothing more to say to you and will not respond to any more of your posts. Bye!
I barely glanced over your post. It seems you are still trying to debate. Since this is the Prayer Forum, debating is not really allowed here. Bye!And that was a wrong assumption to make. There aren't any excuses to be made or explanations minimizing the wrong doing.
Apology accepted. However, what matters is that the wrongdoing cease.
Are you aware there is no report of Christians ever saying "I'm sorry," in the NT? The only record is pagans apologizing to Christians they've wronged. I don't want to sound like I'm splitting hairs here or being legalistic because "I'm sorry" is an accepted cultural practice but the standard of scripture is confession, repentance, restitution, forgiveness, and reconciliation. This particular case is a trivial matter so you may consider the matter resolved for my part but the turth of that is meted out in future exchange in which care is taken not to repeat the mistakes, as evidenced by....
Look more closely. Twice now the word, "not" has been inserted where it does not exist. The OP DOES NOT say, "She says I lied to her about not masturbating."
What the op states is, "she says I lied to her about masterbateing."
The word, "not," is not in the op. You added it. And now you''ve added it again after just having been asked not to do that. This is due either to a simple unintended mistake, or it is due to a willful decision. If the latter then it could be done for many reasons, intentional provocation, or defensiveness, or any number of motives that aren't the concern of this discussion. What is germane is the plain, simple, undeniable, irrefutable fact a word was added to the op and then comments were made based on that addition.
It's called a straw man. Whether intended or not it is wrong. There isn't any defense of it but there is a very simple and easy means of redress, and the following is not it...
Do those two mentions of "sorry" mean the same thing?
Saying bye without having made amends isn't what I hope for bu t I understand. Getting caught in wrongdoing often leads to flight, even though I'm the guy that can be with the wrongdoer throughout the whole matter..... as long as an effort is made not to put words into others' posts .
The flighting is useful for arkrider410's benefit. It's the kind of event I hope he can avoid with his wife. I hope he listens quite intently to her and doesn't read into her words things she's not actually saying. And I hope his wife can and will do the same with him because catching a spouse masturbating isn't grounds for divorce. Neither is having lied about masturbating in the past. It's a great opportunity for greater authenticity and the kind of love healthy marriages and relationships are built upon. In all likelihood this op is about something much larger than getting caught masturbating and the op may have done what you've done: run from the discussion unnecessarily imaging it as a debate when it isn't.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
God is love (1 Jn. 4:8).
God is patient and kind; God does not envy or boast; He is not arrogant or rude. He does not insist on His own way; he is not irritable or resentful; He does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. God never fails."
This is the standard to which we are all called (Rom. 13:8; 1 Cor. 13:2).
"Josh is patient and kind; Josh does not envy or boast; he is not arrogant or rude. He does not insist on his own way; he is not irritable or resentful; he does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Josh bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Josh never ends."
Scripture can be so inconvenient sometimes .