Is It Considered a Sin to Look a Man in the Eyes?

lsume

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I am a very shy and quiet person. Talking to new people makes me extremely anxious and I have to be careful not to come across as rude. So, I tend to look people in the eye to make sure they know that I'm listening. However, when I'm in church and a man is giving a lesson or greets me in passing I have difficultly concentrating. I never want to inappropriately behave or come across as seducing anyone.

Is it appropriate to look a man in the eyes as a woman? Am I causing my brothers in Christ to sin if I make eye contact?
I had to be clear of sin and forgiven myself. Something that I only very recently made clear, was how much sin I had yet to confess.
 
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Neogaia777

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There are or is some subject matters when you might not want to look a person in the eye, or eyes, and I've also had people who I felt were very "dark", who would get very "intense" around during conversation, while looking me directly in the eyes, etc, and being "intense", etc, and I always did my best to keep and maintain eye contact anyway, and keep listening to them, etc, without saying a thing, etc, even though it was getting very uncomfortable for me, etc, and in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have, or I probably should have done something to stop them, as I would now term it "abuse", etc, but I didn't ever, and it is probably one of my biggest regrets down to this day, as I think it has been very "damaging" to me even down to this very day...

I don't go around or hang out with those kinds or people anymore though, after they do it a few times now, I cut off contact and sever all ties in or to the or those relationships now, etc...

But, that doesn't sound like your issue though, so I don't think it's a sin at all, as long as it's innocent, and there is no ill intent, etc...

But, with certain subject matters that I do sometimes talk about sometimes, I don't like to look people in the eye when I mention it or discuss it/them, cause some of them are "sensitive" matters, etc...

But normal conversation, with normal people, it is a relief to me when I can have those with other people and we can both look each other in the eye and there is no "abuse" and nothing hidden, etc, or ill intent to it at all, etc, and it is just "normal", etc, but if it gets or becomes "not normal" at any point, I now will break off eye contact now, stop listening if I can, and try to remove myself from the conversation or that person's presence, usually permanently now, if I can, etc, and most of the time I can now, etc, but there was time in my past where I just couldn't with some of them, etc...

They have "damaged" me in this area I feel, in the past, etc...

And I don't feel like I should have to deal with it or put up with it anymore, etc, even if it's means being lonely sometimes or alone a lot, etc, rather have that than the other, etc...

I've had some of these people look at me, or not look at me, then when the conversation turned, right at a particular moment of "intensity", suddenly turn their gaze toward me and look at me right directly in the eye at a particular moment, as if their eyes were burning or were on fire in that particular moment, and as if they were doing it on purpose, and as if they were trying to put something very, very dark directly onto me, etc...

And that is just pure darkness and flat out abuse in my opinion now, etc, damaged me in ways that I don't usually speak of now or anymore, etc...

Anyway, none of this sounds like your case though, so I wouldn't worry about it too much, it's innocent with you I think, but, if you ever run across any of these "other kind of people", run... run far far away as fast as you possibly can, OK...

Pure darkness if you ask me...

Anyway,

God Bless!
 
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Neogaia777

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There are or is some subject matters when you might not want to look a person in the eye, or eyes, and I've also had people who I felt were very "dark", who would get very "intense" around during conversation, while looking me directly in the eyes, etc, and being "intense", etc, and I always did my best to keep and maintain eye contact anyway, and keep listening to them, etc, without saying a thing, etc, even though it was getting very uncomfortable for me, etc, and in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have, or I probably should have done something to stop them, as I would now term it "abuse", etc, but I didn't ever, and it is probably one of my biggest regrets down to this day, as I think it has been very "damaging" to me even down to this very day...

I don't go around or hang out with those kinds or people anymore though, after they do it a few times now, I cut off contact and sever all ties in or to the or those relationships now, etc...

But, that doesn't sound like your issue though, so I don't think it's a sin at all, as long as it's innocent, and there is no ill intent, etc...

But, with certain subject matters that I do sometimes talk about sometimes, I don't like to look people in the eye when I mention it or discuss it/them, cause some of them are "sensitive" matters, etc...

But normal conversation, with normal people, it is a relief to me when I can have those with other people and we can both look each other in the eye and there is no "abuse" and nothing hidden, etc, or ill intent to it at all, etc, and it is just "normal", etc, but if it gets or becomes "not normal" at any point, I now will break off eye contact now, stop listening if I can, and try to remove myself from the conversation or that person's presence, usually permanently now, if I can, etc, and most of the time I can now, etc, but there was time in my past where I just couldn't with some of them, etc...

They have "damaged" me in this area I feel, in the past, etc...

And I don't feel like I should have to deal with it or put up with it anymore, etc, even if it's means being lonely sometimes or alone a lot, etc, rather have that than the other, etc...

I've had some of these people look at me, or not look at me, then when the conversation turned, right at a particular moment of "intensity", suddenly turn their gaze toward me and look at me right directly in the eye at a particular moment, as if their eyes were burning or were on fire in that particular moment, and as if they were doing it on purpose, and as if they were trying to put something very, very dark directly onto me, etc...

And that is just pure darkness and flat out abuse in my opinion now, etc, damaged me in ways that I don't usually speak of now or anymore, etc...

Anyway, none of this sounds like your case though, so I wouldn't worry about it too much, it's innocent with you I think, but, if you ever run across any of these "other kind of people", run... run far far away as fast as you possibly can, OK...

Pure darkness if you ask me...

Anyway,

God Bless!
So, I get accused of lying, when I know I am not lying, etc, just that the subject matter is very "private" and sensitive to me, etc, and sometimes requires a great deal of "explanation" that I may not be prepared to get fully into also or as well, etc...

I don't want to do to other people what those other people did to me, etc...

Or at least I think that is the main reason, etc...

I'm very aware that I could or am capable of the same, but that's not something I want to do, etc...

So sometimes I avoid eye contact with certain things, etc...

And people think I am lying, etc, when that is very, very far, far away from the real truth, etc, so much so that it's actually the opposite, etc...

I don't want to do to other people what was done to me, etc...

I'd rather leave it up to them, to decide for themselves or not, if what or who or the situation I am discussing or are talking about is any way shape or form "about them" at all or not, etc...

They deserve that much, etc, if you ask me, etc...

But people were not so kind to me, etc....

I've seen the heart of darkness, and had a lot of other people try to put it on me, etc...

Very glad that I know now that that is not the truth about me, etc...

But, it still just makes you feel dirty or guilty sometimes, just the intense accusation or grilling, etc, even if you know it was never true, and was not at all in any way shape or form "the truth", etc...

Those people are flat out evil, run if you run into them, OK...

God Bless!
 
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Neogaia777

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So, I get accused of lying, when I know I am not lying, etc, just that the subject matter is very "private" and sensitive to me, etc, and sometimes requires a great deal of "explanation" that I may not be prepared to get fully into also or as well, etc...

I don't want to do to other people what those other people did to me, etc...

Or at least I think that is the main reason, etc...

I'm very aware that I could or am capable of the same, but that's not something I want to do, etc...

So sometimes I avoid eye contact with certain things, etc...

And people think I am lying, etc, when that is very, very far, far away from the real truth, etc, so much so that it's actually the opposite, etc...

I don't want to do to other people what was done to me, etc...

I'd rather leave it up to them, to decide for themselves or not, if what or who or the situation I am discussing or are talking about is any way shape or form "about them" at all or not, etc...

They deserve that much, etc, if you ask me, etc...

But people were not so kind to me, etc....

I've seen the heart of darkness, and had a lot of other people try to put it on me, etc...

Very glad that I know now that that is not the truth about me, etc...

But, it still just makes you feel dirty or guilty sometimes, just the intense accusation or grilling, etc, even if you know it was never true, and was not at all in any way shape or form "the truth", etc...

Those people are flat out evil, run if you run into them, OK...

God Bless!
Don't try to think you can help them, that was my mistake, just get away from them and stay away from them as much as possible and as much as you possibly can...

Or I guess you could confront them, but that usually does and/or accomplishes absolutely nothing in the end as well, and is just not worth it if you ask me...

Funny thing is pride can kind of protect you from this, in which case you might just laugh at them, but for a person who has very little to no pride left...?

Yeah, anyway, just stay away from them, very dark people, for whom there may be no help, etc...

And you have seen how my kindness and love in trying to help these poor desperate damaged pitiful souls was repaid to me, so...

My advice, just stay away and steer clear, all I'm saying...

God Bless!
 
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Jok

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I am a very shy and quiet person. Talking to new people makes me extremely anxious and I have to be careful not to come across as rude. So, I tend to look people in the eye to make sure they know that I'm listening. However, when I'm in church and a man is giving a lesson or greets me in passing I have difficultly concentrating. I never want to inappropriately behave or come across as seducing anyone.

Is it appropriate to look a man in the eyes as a woman? Am I causing my brothers in Christ to sin if I make eye contact?
There's more than one way to look a man in the eyes. It would be pretty difficult to do it seductively without you knowing it. If people have never accused you of being a flirt than I'm pretty sure you're fine!
 
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GaveMeJoy

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There is literally nothing wrong with looking someone in the eyes when you talk to them in American culture. It just means you are a normal human. Not looking at people when you speak to them will likely communicate more negative things to them than actually looking at them.
 
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Falumah

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I am a very shy and quiet person. Talking to new people makes me extremely anxious and I have to be careful not to come across as rude. So, I tend to look people in the eye to make sure they know that I'm listening. However, when I'm in church and a man is giving a lesson or greets me in passing I have difficultly concentrating. I never want to inappropriately behave or come across as seducing anyone.

Is it appropriate to look a man in the eyes as a woman? Am I causing my brothers in Christ to sin if I make eye contact?

It's OK if you are shy, some people are quiet, everyone isn't the same. In some cultures it's considered rude to look a person of the opposite sex in the eye when speaking to them, if that is how you were taught. But I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it states that it's rude to look at someone directly when speaking to them, it does say, To the pure, all things are pure (Titus 1:15). So if you are being polite, that's all that it means. If you have shame about your past, remember that if you are born again, God has forgiven you and you are clean by the blood of Jesus. You might want to speak with a trusted mature female minister at your church about working through that, and on forgiving yourself. God does not condemn you. Be blessed!
 
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lsume

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I am a very shy and quiet person. Talking to new people makes me extremely anxious and I have to be careful not to come across as rude. So, I tend to look people in the eye to make sure they know that I'm listening. However, when I'm in church and a man is giving a lesson or greets me in passing I have difficultly concentrating. I never want to inappropriately behave or come across as seducing anyone.

Is it appropriate to look a man in the eyes as a woman? Am I causing my brothers in Christ to sin if I make eye contact?
Just a quick question as to why would you ever think that looking a man straight in the eye would be offensive? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that.
 
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lsume

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I am a very shy and quiet person. Talking to new people makes me extremely anxious and I have to be careful not to come across as rude. So, I tend to look people in the eye to make sure they know that I'm listening. However, when I'm in church and a man is giving a lesson or greets me in passing I have difficultly concentrating. I never want to inappropriately behave or come across as seducing anyone.

Is it appropriate to look a man in the eyes as a woman? Am I causing my brothers in Christ to sin if I make eye contact?
Being shy and quiet are both Blessings from God as I see it.
 
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But what if someone misinterprets my intentions?

If you don't look them in the eye, someone may misinterpret your intentions. You aren't responsible for other peoples's thoughts/intentions/motives.
 
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We are told (rightfully so) not to deliberately put a stumbling block in front of others. Let's assume you're not going out of your way to sashay past them wearing skimpy clothes, giving them a seductive wink and nod as you make that eye contact. THAT would be a stumbling block. Simply looking a man directly in the eye while you're speaking to him about mundane, everyday things shouldn't do it. Not unless that man has a serious problem, in which case it is beyond your scope of responsibility.
 
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Sparagmos

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But what if someone misinterprets my intentions? I don't want to live with the guilt of causing someone to sin. I try to dress as modestly as possible and I don't draw attention to myself, but I still feel shameful.
Can I ask where the idea came from that you should be ashamed for making eye contact with a man?
 
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chilehed

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But what if someone misinterprets my intentions?
That would be on them, but I seriously doubt that it's happening.

It sounds to me like you're suffering from scrupulosity. I suggest taking this to heart, it's written from a Catholic perspective but I think that anyone ought to be able to apply the principles to their own theological worldview.

Pay particular attention to Number Six:
6. You shall not consider yourself guilty of bad thoughts, desires, or feelings, unless you can honestly swear before the all-truthful God that you remember clearly and certainly consenting to them.

This is a very important commandment. The whole area of impure thoughts and desires causes scrupulous people much anxiety. Unfortunately, scrupulous persons often believe that the very appearance of thoughts or desires in their thoughts or imagination means that they have committed a sin. This is most certainly not the case. In fact, it is humanly impossible for us to have absolute control over our interior faculties. Such thoughts and images are going to happen, whether we like them or not.

Because we simply do not have absolute control over our interior faculties, the emphasis of the commandment is on clear and certain consent. Only a free consent, that is clear and certain, constitutes a sin. You can not accidentally or involuntarily be guilty of sin.
 
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To your question - do everything in modesty, even the eye contact :)

Interesting way to put it.
I like that.
There is a way to be gentle with the eye to eye.

M-Bob
 
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brandynicole

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Can I ask where the idea came from that you should be ashamed for making eye contact with a man?

I'm still battling shame from my past, and I'm trying work out all of the ways I might be unintentionally sinning.

This is a confusing topic for me because even Jesus said that the act of sin begins in the heart (paraphrasing of course). If immorality and impurity begins long before defiling a marriage bed, then perhaps eye contact may be along that path as well.
 
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Sparagmos

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I'm still battling shame from my past, and I'm trying work out all of the ways I might be unintentionally sinning.

This is a confusing topic for me because even Jesus said that the act of sin begins in the heart (paraphrasing of course). If immorality and impurity begins long before defiling a marriage bed, then perhaps eye contact may be along that path as well.
But where did you hear, or what led you to believe, that eye contact is impure or immoral? I think it’s important to get to the root of that belief.
 
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brandynicole

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But where did you hear, or what led you to believe, that eye contact is impure or immoral? I think it’s important to get to the root of that belief.

I was led to believe that modesty and shamefacededness had more to do with just how we dress and our personality. It might also include the way we interact with others, especially those who we aren't married to.

Eye contact can be very intense and expressive, so maybe it is only reserved for spouses.
 
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