Jokes thread

charsan · Mar 31, 2020

What do you call the terminator when he retires?

Exterminator

Anthony2019 · Mar 31, 2020

What do you call a deer with no eyesight?
A no eye deer!
What do you call a deer with no eyesight and no legs?
A still no eye deer!

jasonMalloy1999 · Mar 31, 2020

Anthony2019 said:
What do you call a deer with no eyesight?
A no eye deer!
What do you call a deer with no eyesight and no legs?
A still no eye deer!

hahah

Anthony2019 · Mar 31, 2020

"I see!" said the blind man to the deaf man, who wasn't really listening.....

Michie · Mar 31, 2020

Anthony2019 said:
"I see!" said the blind man to the deaf man, who wasn't really listening.....

I like that one.

Ricky M · Mar 31, 2020

Anthony2019 said:
"I see!" said the blind man to the deaf man, who wasn't really listening.....

I see said the blind man, who picked up a hammer and saw

Anthony2019 · Mar 31, 2020

One more.....
I saw a man shovelling up horse poo while he was walking down the road....
He said he was taking it home to put on his rhubarb.
Well, that's fair enough, but I usually prefer custard on mine....

Ricky M · Mar 31, 2020

. (joke redacted because some people's sense of offense is greater than their sense of humor.)

Ricky M · Mar 31, 2020

A cop is walking his beat when he sees a priest go into a liquor store. When he comes out with a bottle he asks, "a wee nip before prayers father?" The priest tells the cop it's for the monsignor's constipation.

An hour later the cop walks by the church and sees the priest bombed out on the steps of the church. "For the monsignors constipation, eh father?"

The priest answers: "well, he's sure gonna poop when he sees me!"

Ricky M · Mar 31, 2020

I'm driving thru the desert listening to an old-tyme preacher on the radio. The preacher states: "Gawd is not white or black, gawd is not male or female, gawd is not straight or gay..."

That's when it hit me - gawd is Michael Jackson!

Ricky M · Mar 31, 2020

What do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhinoceros?

Eliphino.

Michie · Mar 31, 2020

Ricky M said:
A cop is walking his beat when he sees a priest go into a liquor store. When he comes out with a bottle he asks, "a wee nip before prayers father?" The priest tells the cop it's for the monsignor's constipation.

An hour later the cop walks by the church and sees the priest bombed out on the steps of the church. "For the monsignors constipation, eh father?"

The priest answers: "well, he's sure gonna poop when he sees me!"

Winner!!

robinriley · Mar 31, 2020

Anthony2019 said:
"I see!" said the blind man to the deaf man, who wasn't really listening.....

My Grandad said it a little differently ...
"I see," said the blind man to his deaf and dumb wife ...

He also said that Grandmother was an old lady,
who went out into his garden of tomatoes and pees ...

And just to keep this post spiritual ...
He once told me that the Bible talked about baseball ...
"No way," I said ...
"Way," he said, "It opens with the Big Inning" ...

I'm beginning to sound like my Grandad ...

jasonMalloy1999 · Mar 31, 2020

and the lord said unto john come forth and receive eternal life but john came fifth and won a toaster

Michie · Mar 31, 2020

Old one I know. But I love this one. Maybe because I’m a female.

? Did you hear the Pillsbury dough boy died?

!? No! Of what?!

.He died of a yeast infection.

Me: Ha ha ha *snort* ha!!!

robinriley · Apr 1, 2020

jasonMalloy1999 said:
and the lord said unto john come forth and receive eternal life but john came fifth and won a toaster

When God was passing out gifts,
and I'd finally, almost made it to the head of a very long line,
they called out the next gift to be graced... "love" ...

I thought they said ..."shove" ...
So I did,
and had to go to the back of the line.

***

Best line I've ever heard in a TV sitcom ...
"As God is my witness, I sware I thought turkeys could fly"
My name is Robin, but I can't fly either ...

Back of the line, bud!

Anthony2019 · Apr 1, 2020

I know it's immature, but lavatory humour has always made me giggle. It did when I was younger and it still does now. I remember going regularly to my friend's house for coffee (she was very posh) and we used to get out her toilet joke book, try to tell the jokes with a straight face and we would end up laughing uncontrollably.

Bob Crowley · Apr 1, 2020

jasonMalloy1999 · Apr 1, 2020

Michie said:
Old one I know. But I love this one. Maybe because I’m a female.

? Did you hear the Pillsbury dough boy died?

!? No! Of what?!

.He died of a yeast infection.

Me: Ha ha ha *snort* ha!!!

haha

Amittai · Apr 2, 2020

Additionally don't forget the "rival" (non catholic?

) "clean and without satire about groups" threads:

Clean/Christian Jokes

and while I am in "plug" mode get out your quill pens & inkstands and contribute to prose & poetry under:

The Writers Guild

:idea:

Jokes thread

Charismatic Episcopal Church

Pax et bonum!

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