Family strife

Mar 29, 2020
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Hi! I’m new here and am hoping to find some encouragement and perhaps advice about a situation with my daughters-in-law. I have 3 grown children (and 7 beautiful grandchildren!). One daughter and two sons. The problem? My daughters-in-law don’t get along.

Polly has been in our family for 10+ years. She is the mother to 5 of our grandchildren. Miranda married our son about a year ago after a few years of dating. They couldn’t be more different and the resentment is palpable. Miranda is independent, well educated, progressive and has a large, supportive family. Polly is a stay at home mom, shares our faith, doesn’t have contact with her family and struggles with some mental health issues. Miranda and Joe’s (my son) relationship is strong and very loving. She makes him incredibly happy and they are enjoying a lot of good times in their life right now. Polly and Ryan’s relationship is constantly up and down with lots of fights.

Polly is jealous of Miranda and has lashed out at her and talked about her behind her back. We know it’s wrong, but that’s just Polly and she’s family. Miranda’s reaction was to cut her off and ignore her. It’s too harsh and unfair. I want Miranda to see that she has so much and she should be patient with Polly, but my son sees it as favortism.

There was a big falling out after Joe’s wedding and he and Miranda had no contact with the family for 6 months. I tried to stick up for Polly and it resulted in Joe yelling at me and telling me to stay out of it. Slowly we have been able to see them a bit more, but it’s clear she is calling the shots. I’m afraid if I say anything, I’ll lose my son!

Polly reaches out once in a while, but Miranda brushes her off. Miranda has said she doesn’t want to be around toxic people and has basically written her off. She’s family!!

When they are together for holidays, they just ignore each other. Polly is resentful because she feels her kids have lost their Uncle Joe. I want everyone to get along and have tried to get Polly and Miranda to sit down to talk, but Joe refuses and said it’s a bad idea since Polly will just twist things and talk bad about Miranda.

Polly has no one so yes, we do “favor” her. I don’t understand why Miranda, who is nice to everyone else and has so many blessings in this world can’t offer her sister-in-law a little grace.

Anyone else in the same boat? we have prayed and prayed about this situation. I just want our family to get together like we used to and enjoy our time!
 

Carl Emerson

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Gather the ones in the family who can still stand together in unity and agree to fast for a breakthrough. (if you haven't already)

Back this up with those who you know are faithful and effective intercessors. Never think you are not deserving of the very best support.

When the spiritual dimension starts to move in response to prayer and fasting, things may initially get worse - don't be deterred - press in for a victory.

Ask for Holy indignation to motivate your prayer - 'this much and no further' and 'enough is enough' comes to mind. Remember He is jealous over you and is not impressed when we are plundered.
 
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musicalpilgrim

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Hi! I’m new here and am hoping to find some encouragement and perhaps advice about a situation with my daughters-in-law. I have 3 grown children (and 7 beautiful grandchildren!). One daughter and two sons. The problem? My daughters-in-law don’t get along.

Polly has been in our family for 10+ years. She is the mother to 5 of our grandchildren. Miranda married our son about a year ago after a few years of dating. They couldn’t be more different and the resentment is palpable. Miranda is independent, well educated, progressive and has a large, supportive family. Polly is a stay at home mom, shares our faith, doesn’t have contact with her family and struggles with some mental health issues. Miranda and Joe’s (my son) relationship is strong and very loving. She makes him incredibly happy and they are enjoying a lot of good times in their life right now. Polly and Ryan’s relationship is constantly up and down with lots of fights.

Polly is jealous of Miranda and has lashed out at her and talked about her behind her back. We know it’s wrong, but that’s just Polly and she’s family. Miranda’s reaction was to cut her off and ignore her. It’s too harsh and unfair. I want Miranda to see that she has so much and she should be patient with Polly, but my son sees it as favortism.

There was a big falling out after Joe’s wedding and he and Miranda had no contact with the family for 6 months. I tried to stick up for Polly and it resulted in Joe yelling at me and telling me to stay out of it. Slowly we have been able to see them a bit more, but it’s clear she is calling the shots. I’m afraid if I say anything, I’ll lose my son!

Polly reaches out once in a while, but Miranda brushes her off. Miranda has said she doesn’t want to be around toxic people and has basically written her off. She’s family!!

When they are together for holidays, they just ignore each other. Polly is resentful because she feels her kids have lost their Uncle Joe. I want everyone to get along and have tried to get Polly and Miranda to sit down to talk, but Joe refuses and said it’s a bad idea since Polly will just twist things and talk bad about Miranda.

Polly has no one so yes, we do “favor” her. I don’t understand why Miranda, who is nice to everyone else and has so many blessings in this world can’t offer her sister-in-law a little grace.

Anyone else in the same boat? we have prayed and prayed about this situation. I just want our family to get together like we used to and enjoy our time!
Welcome to the forum in Jesus name it's a great place to be for fellowship with other Christians.
The Prayer Wall is a good place to go for prayer where a lot of people will pray for you and your family.
I pray for you and pray that you will grow closer to the Lord.
Psalms 62:5
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone,
My hope comes from him.

I pray for your family, that they will turn to Jesus. There is the answer, he is the refuge.
I believe that your task is to cover them with prayer every day and pray for protection from the evil one. His task is to divide and destroy. If you pray you will save your family.
I ask the Lord to guide you as you seek more of him in your life, as you read your Bible.
It will take time each day.
May the Lord bless you richly in Jesus precious name.

I pray for Jesus to be lifted up in your family.
 
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Dave L

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I think your family is typical of any I've ever seen in action. Back when Judge Wapner was a TV icon, he said money always divides families. So the trouble is there even if money is not. The bottom line is you can pick friends, you cannot pick family.
 
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Mountainmanbob

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Hard to find a perfect family where all get along.

There are for good reason a few in my family who I prefer to avoid.

Burn me once, burn me twice, bottom line is, I don't find you to be loving, forgiving or nice.

I will pray for you from a distance, kind of far away, no matter what you think of me, I hope you have a good day.

M-Bob
 
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Dave G.

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I had an estranged daughter, my own flesh and blood for four years. Totally cut me off, including her family, our grand kids, the whole ball of wax so to speak.. I prayed regularly but when I started praying for or about/over bitter hearts and softening of all hearts involved we got a breakthrough. Four years !
 
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Daniel Marsh

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Hi! I’m new here and am hoping to find some encouragement and perhaps advice about a situation with my daughters-in-law. I have 3 grown children (and 7 beautiful grandchildren!). One daughter and two sons. The problem? My daughters-in-law don’t get along.

Polly has been in our family for 10+ years. She is the mother to 5 of our grandchildren. Miranda married our son about a year ago after a few years of dating. They couldn’t be more different and the resentment is palpable. Miranda is independent, well educated, progressive and has a large, supportive family. Polly is a stay at home mom, shares our faith, doesn’t have contact with her family and struggles with some mental health issues. Miranda and Joe’s (my son) relationship is strong and very loving. She makes him incredibly happy and they are enjoying a lot of good times in their life right now. Polly and Ryan’s relationship is constantly up and down with lots of fights.

Polly is jealous of Miranda and has lashed out at her and talked about her behind her back. We know it’s wrong, but that’s just Polly and she’s family. Miranda’s reaction was to cut her off and ignore her. It’s too harsh and unfair. I want Miranda to see that she has so much and she should be patient with Polly, but my son sees it as favortism.

There was a big falling out after Joe’s wedding and he and Miranda had no contact with the family for 6 months. I tried to stick up for Polly and it resulted in Joe yelling at me and telling me to stay out of it. Slowly we have been able to see them a bit more, but it’s clear she is calling the shots. I’m afraid if I say anything, I’ll lose my son!

Polly reaches out once in a while, but Miranda brushes her off. Miranda has said she doesn’t want to be around toxic people and has basically written her off. She’s family!!

When they are together for holidays, they just ignore each other. Polly is resentful because she feels her kids have lost their Uncle Joe. I want everyone to get along and have tried to get Polly and Miranda to sit down to talk, but Joe refuses and said it’s a bad idea since Polly will just twist things and talk bad about Miranda.

Polly has no one so yes, we do “favor” her. I don’t understand why Miranda, who is nice to everyone else and has so many blessings in this world can’t offer her sister-in-law a little grace.

Anyone else in the same boat? we have prayed and prayed about this situation. I just want our family to get together like we used to and enjoy our time!

Your problem is with Polly not Miranda. Work with her and correct her to stop the gossip and get over being resentful.

Miranda is following good advice from some books. Ask her what they are and read them.

Best Books for Dealing with Toxic People | Kris Reece

Toxic People: 10 Ways Of Dealing With People Who Make Your Life Miserable by Lillian Glass

Don't Let Jerks Get The Best Of You Advice For Dealing With Difficult People
by Paul Meier

https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-People-Ways-Dealing-Miserable/dp/1929873441
https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-People-Ways-Dealing-Miserable/dp/1929873441
https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Paul-Me...the+best+of+you&qid=1585486246&s=books&sr=1-1
https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Neil-It...Y66XE6BC3K4&psc=1&refRID=M4W1Z174KY66XE6BC3K4
https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Jay-Car...Y66XE6BC3K4&psc=1&refRID=M4W1Z174KY66XE6BC3K4
https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Dr-Mike...Y66XE6BC3K4&psc=1&refRID=M4W1Z174KY66XE6BC3K4
https://www.amazon.com/Mike-Mitchel...Y66XE6BC3K4&psc=1&refRID=M4W1Z174KY66XE6BC3K4
https://www.amazon.com/Albert-J-Ber...Y66XE6BC3K4&psc=1&refRID=M4W1Z174KY66XE6BC3K4
https://www.amazon.com/Dr-Sherrie-C...Y66XE6BC3K4&psc=1&refRID=M4W1Z174KY66XE6BC3K4
https://www.amazon.com/Kristine-S-E...Y66XE6BC3K4&psc=1&refRID=M4W1Z174KY66XE6BC3K4
https://www.amazon.com/Luke-Gregory...Y66XE6BC3K4&psc=1&refRID=M4W1Z174KY66XE6BC3K4
https://www.amazon.com/Renee-Evenso...Y66XE6BC3K4&psc=1&refRID=M4W1Z174KY66XE6BC3K4
 
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Daniel Marsh

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Matthew 18:15-18 King James Version (KJV)
15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Miranda will appreciate the principles in that text. You need to come off as level headed. Don't make excuses for Polly's bad behavior. You can work on your relationship with Miranda without Polly until Polly grows up a little.
 
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Gather the ones in the family who can still stand together in unity and agree to fast for a breakthrough. (if you haven't already)

Back this up with those who you know are faithful and effective intercessors. Never think you are not deserving of the very best support.

When the spiritual dimension starts to move in response to prayer and fasting, things may initially get worse - don't be deterred - press in for a victory.

Ask for Holy indignation to motivate your prayer - 'this much and no further' and 'enough is enough' comes to mind. Remember He is jealous over you and is not impressed when we are plundered.
Thank you!
 
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Matthew 18:15-18 King James Version (KJV)
15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Miranda will appreciate the principles in that text. You need to come off as level headed. Don't make excuses for Polly's bad behavior. You can work on your relationship with Miranda without Polly until Polly grows up a little.
Miranda isn’t a Christian
 
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I had an estranged daughter, my own flesh and blood for four years. Totally cut me off, including her family, our grand kids, the whole ball of wax so to speak.. I prayed regularly but when I started praying for or about/over bitter hearts and softening of all hearts involved we got a breakthrough. Four years !
Four years! I am so sorry. This is so painful. I can’t imagine.
 
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