I heard of you're not born again you will not see the kingdom of God. Well I get very bad feelings about Jesus a lot. I was never scared to accept Jesus but I remember once feeling some form of anger towards him which is not right. I'm afraid I was never a true christian and I am so confused. A friend once told me something so saddening to me. I don't know if I was ever a child of God. I'm so afraid that God is going to judge me one day. I think I love the world. I used to didn't think much about the world but something at some point changed. I don't know if I'll make it into heaven. I'm afraid also that I've been exposed to corona virus and it's like I'm living a nightmare. I will admit when I first accepted Jesus it was out of fear and not love, and I feel it's another sign I'm not a true christian and to be honest i think I'm a coward and I do not love anyone and feel that i cannot love. I sometimes find myself feeling hatred towards those who try to get me in a relationship. At this point I don't know what to do. I don't even know if i lost my salvation and that's if i was ever even saved in the first place. I feel that I'm too evil to even be a child of God and sometimes wonder if I'm a child of that other guy instead. I'm way too selfish and i sometimes find myself delighting in evil things and I sincerely hate that about myself and it causes me grief because i feel like I have no purpose on this earth and i should not have been born. I don't feel that i am a good person. I also get skeptical of Jesus because I was told it's the white mans God and that Jesus does not love me basically if im black. I've never had love and i wonder sometimes if maybe i was born with a demon cause if so God should have never created me. I can ask you guys all day long to pray for me but in the end I'm most just gonna end up back doubting it. I doubt everything and i sincerely hate myself because of it. I feel like I'm pathetic. I'm at the point where i wish i had never been born. What is even my purpose on this earth. I believe i am asexual and i think i will never love someone or experience sexual attraction I'm vaginall basically 30 now and have not had a true relationship. My life is a waste. God messed up when he thought of me because so far i feel like I've just been taking up space on this earth with nothing to offer. I'm into a lot of the wrong things and i don't even know if there's hope for me especially since i think i might be exposed to corona.