Sorry, kind of got off topic
No worries. I'll answer both.
In the context of the OP, few connections lead to marriage on the first try. We interact with many until we find the right fit. Our previous connections come from different avenues. They're not gathered under the same roof. That's where the other is problematic. You can have a situation where he's engaged with or dated several women in the church.
And you hope they parted amicably. But that's not always the case. One party may see potential where the other doesn't. In that setting with the propensity for wagging tongues you'd have a scandal. Everybody would know his business and hers. This is one instance where not dating where you work is advisable.
You know what I find odd these days....the numerous reasons people come up with NOT to date someone (when we really do want to date someone) vs. back in the olden days of our parents, there were no real concerns of conflicts of interests or fallouts or repercussions of dating someone.
It's important to view nostalgia in its proper context. Change is inevitable and we see the signs everywhere. You can't spend 18 years rearing someone without recognizing the differences. It's the parents responsibility to prepare the child for the world they're entering. Not the one they left behind.
If marital standards are changing they're supposed to fill the gap so you're able to cope. If the opposite sex is harder to meet, less accommodating and so on; you're supposed to know that upfront. Not when you're out there trying to find a spouse. You should know what you're working against beforehand.
A proactive approach is best but it requires planning and foresight. You attack the problem head on and devise strategies to combat it to improve the child's chances when they confront it. It's a combination of offense and hedging. You strengthen the most desirable and scarcest qualities to increase the likelihood of selection. You want them to be the exception not the rule when things tighten.
And they need to be conversant in the opposite sex. Which requires you to begin marital preparation at a younger age. Unless you've reinforced the ideal in age appropriate ways where the desire is nurtured and the qualities of the future spouse are heralded. You teach them to esteem faith, love, and the related attributes for the role. 'That' person is foremost in their thoughts and remains that way when they encounter societal suggestions. Because its ingrained.
You can increase the possibility of success by forging connections with others who share your thoughts on the subject and want the same for their children and let them get acquainted. That's how arranged marriages were formed years ago. You needn't pledge them to another. But if you surround them with possibilities on the same page you increase their options. Continue the practice through groups and interests seeking the same in those settings. Now you've got a network. That comes in handy for friends, suitors, and jobs too.
The caveat in all of this is vision. You have to be forward thinking to navigate the world and succeed. You can't respond to everything when it happens. You have to anticipate challenges and hone adaptability skills for adversity and the unexpected.
No one should be surprised about the current state because it wasn't the 50s in the 70s, 80s, 90s, etc. You can't go back. If that's the reality you want you have to work for it and plan it. It won't fall in your lap.
The principle I'm discussing is stacking. You stack things in your/their favorite to increase the possibility for success. When it comes to finding a spouse irresistibility matters in a competitive market. Tick as many musts as you can and bring more extras than they expect. That's how you stand out.
No one should be seeking a spouse in this era without a clear idea of their estimation in the market (i.e. how other's view them) and availability. What percentage of people meet that description within the whole and who comes close? And who desires them? People like you, those beyond you or a combination of both?
That's how you find your sweet spot. The person who possesses some of the qualities you seek who isn't pursued by the most eligible in your sex. Once you narrow it down discover what they're looking for, what's lacking, and what they'd love to have but never find.
You can't spend your time lamenting what was. From the day you were born it was no more. We were heading elsewhere. You have to adjust to the current day to get what you want. They're not going to change for you or slow down. The wheel keeps turning.
