My wife is out of control

OldWiseGuy · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
Family court on the first one is why I had a prenup on the second one.

Once was enough for me.

Maria Billingsley · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
Many years ago, after wifey made several promises and commitments, none of which she kept, I became concerned for her ability to understand what she was promising. So I had her cognitally tested. The results were alarming - her average score was an 18 out of 100. She tested out just a few points above the Down Syndrome scale. And after learning of this, I could see in the way she interacted with people and things, that even tho she does not have the typical look or speach pattern, she definitely acts and responds to things (especially inanimate objects like the TV) like a DS child.

Last year she won a settlement in an accident case. She was awarded $32k. She insisted on putting that money in a separate bank account. I made her promise that she would save that money to help out with costs associated with the injuries in the future.

Well, I just found out that she p!$$ed away every single penny of it. And has absolutely nothing to show for it, nor can she account for where it went. I personally couldn't possibly trash $32,000 and not have anything to show for it.

And she sees no wrong in what she did. And it ain't the first time either. She has a long, long history of breaking promises and commitments to me.

Meanwhile, she expects me to cover all her bills, provide her with a car and gas, etc. etc. etc.

I'm ready to have her confined to a mental institution. There is something seriously wrong with her, and she refuses to even acknowledge that an issue exists.

Any advice?

Money is not everything. Love your wife as Jesus Christ of Nazareth loves the Church. I don't think you can "confine" her in a mental hospital, we do not live in that era anymore.

Maria Billingsley · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
How about signing a prenup, then immediately after the wedding getting an attorney to void it?

How about running herself into bankruptcy, then before the ink was even dry on that agreement obtaining another credit card and running that one up to it's max?

How about signing an agreement for me to pay off her debt, promising she'd make payment to me to repay it, and then abandoning that repayment plan after a few months?

How about putting both our lives on hold for 10 years while she obsessed about hovering over her near-dead mother every. single. day?

How about her telling her sister, who paid well over a million dollars for her mother's care during that time, that she expects a share of the sale of her mom's property (which won't even repay the sister who ponied up for mom's care)?

How about committing to moving to another state once mom died, agreeing to buy and improve property there, and now that mom is gone refusing to consider making the move?

How about walking into mom's property when all the sisters gathered to divvy up her possessions, and TELLING each and every one of them what they could and could not have?

How about bemoaning on a regular basis her brother's wife and kids, who contribute NOTHING to the household, and forcing him to work insane hours to support them all - when she herself is doing the same. exact. thing?

How about making any of a myriad number of mistakes and errors, and instead of learning from them, marching right back into those situations and making those same mistakes and errors over and over and over again?

Do you need to hear about more?

She's in a serious condition, and NO amount of help, teaching or anything else remotely sways her from her repetitive path.

I've made another appointment for her (and I) to go back to the shrink next week. I don't imagine it's going to go well for her.

This is all about $$$$$.

Ricky M · Mar 13, 2020

Maria Billingsley said:
This is all about $$$$$.

This is about stopping her from running us both into the nut house

mkgal1 · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
Many years ago, after wifey made several promises and commitments, none of which she kept, I became concerned for her ability to understand what she was promising. So I had her cognitally tested. The results were alarming - her average score was an 18 out of 100. She tested out just a few points above the Down Syndrome scale. And after learning of this, I could see in the way she interacted with people and things, that even tho she does not have the typical look or speach pattern, she definitely acts and responds to things (especially inanimate objects like the TV) like a DS child.

I'm not an expert on this.....but there are other reasons for cognitive impairment other than DS. Could she have suffered a brain injury at some point? Could this possibly be early onset dementia? I don't know how old you two are - but early onset dementia can present as young as late 30's I believe. Could she have a brain tumor? ISTM that you're expecting more than your wife is able - and that doesn't seem very loving.

turkle · Mar 13, 2020

By your own words, she has a cognitive disability. She is not stupid, she is incapable of making good choices. You have known this for a long time. I think it is unreasonable to expect her to keep any promises because she has demonstrated her inability to do so. Therefore, to expect her to do what she cannot do is not kind, nor fair. It is up to you do adjust your own expectations, not lock her up. You made vows to protect her. The way you do that is to give her limited access to money, but enough for what she needs. You can manage the rest.

I understand that this must be very difficult. But it is unreasonable to expect her to be what she cannot be. She needs your love, kindness and grace. The words of Jesus come to mind: "Forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34. I think this applies to you.

Maria Billingsley · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
This is about stopping her from running us both into the nut house

I don't mean to be insensitive but reading through the unloving complaints about your wife, it sounds like you want money that is hers and only hers. She can do what she wants with her money. If your trying to commit her because you want control of her money, you need to repent. I will pray for you. :prayer:

Check your motives.
Blessings

Ricky M · Mar 13, 2020

mkgal1 said:
I'm not an expert on this.....but there are other reasons for cognitive impairment other than DS. Could she have suffered a brain injury at some point? Could this possibly be early onset dementia (I don't know how old you two are - but early onset dementia can present as young as late 30's I believe. Could she have a brain tumor? ISTM that you're expecting more than your wife is able - and that doesn't seem very loving.

I'm just using DS to compare her symptoms. According to her sisters, she's always been like this and they suspected something was going on.

I love her, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to do what I have to do to protect us both, individually and together.

Ricky M · Mar 13, 2020

Maria Billingsley said:
I don't mean to be insensitive but reading through the unloving complaints about your wife, it sounds like you want money that is hers and only hers. She can do what she wants with her money. If your trying to commit her because you want control of her money, you need to repent. I will pray for you. Check your motives.
Blessings

It's not about the money, it's about the fact that she lies and makes commitments she has no intention of keeping. I can't believe a thing she says she's going to do or not do.

And like it has been said, apparently the condition is bad enough that she can't understand it.

All I can do is take away her ability to make choices for herself and for us. Dictate to her how it's going to be.

How do you think that's going to go over?

As for motives, I search every day for a reason to not stick the gun in my mouth and call it a day. I'd have more compassion but these days that energy has been drained like TP at the Costco.

Maria Billingsley · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
It's not about the money, it's about the fact that she lies and makes commitments she has no intention of keeping. I can't believe a thing she says she's going to do or not do.

And like it has been said, apparently the condition is bad enough that she can't understand it.

All I can do is take away her ability to make choices for herself and for us. Dictate to her how it's going to be.

How do you think that's going to go over?

As for motives, I search every day for a reason to not stick the gun in my mouth and call it a day. I'd have more compassion but these days that energy has been drained like TP at the Costco.

Maria Billingsley · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
I search every day for a reason to not stick the gun in my mouth and call it a day

Are you saying that you are suicidal?

Ricky M · Mar 13, 2020

Maria Billingsley said:
Are you saying that you are suicidal?

Just pushed to the edge and the rocks below are looking pretty nice... but that's nothing new.

Ricky M · Mar 13, 2020

Maria Billingsley said:
Are you saying that you are suicidal?

Actually the only thing that's kept me alive for a long time, is the knowledge that it too would fail, just like everything else.

Maria Billingsley · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
Actually the only thing that's kept me alive for a long time, is the knowledge that it too would fail, just like everything else.

Walk in His Holy Spirit and He will give you the strength and direction you need.
Be blessed

Nancy Hale · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
Many years ago, after wifey made several promises and commitments, none of which she kept, I became concerned for her ability to understand what she was promising. So I had her cognitally tested. The results were alarming - her average score was an 18 out of 100. She tested out just a few points above the Down Syndrome scale. And after learning of this, I could see in the way she interacted with people and things, that even tho she does not have the typical look or speach pattern, she definitely acts and responds to things (especially inanimate objects like the TV) like a DS child.

Last year she won a settlement in an accident case. She was awarded $32k. She insisted on putting that money in a separate bank account. I made her promise that she would save that money to help out with costs associated with the injuries in the future.

Well, I just found out that she p!$$ed away every single penny of it. And has absolutely nothing to show for it, nor can she account for where it went. I personally couldn't possibly trash $32,000 and not have anything to show for it.

And she sees no wrong in what she did. And it ain't the first time either. She has a long, long history of breaking promises and commitments to me.

Meanwhile, she expects me to cover all her bills, provide her with a car and gas, etc. etc. etc.

I'm ready to have her confined to a mental institution. There is something seriously wrong with her, and she refuses to even acknowledge that an issue exists.

Any advice?

Do you have children together? If so, are they still at home?
I know it's not all about the money, that's just the easiest thing to express. The thing people might understand.
It sounds a lot like my mom and dad.
I am often ponder why my dad never divorced my mom. I look up to him for it. He took a vow and stuck to it.
My mom had mental health issues also. But, he never once threatened to have her put away.
have you considered medication, financial guardianship, just giving her a cash allowance?
My mom did the financial stuff also. I don't know if she liked to fight, she hinted she did once. She would do other things like rush out and water the grass right before she knew my dad planned to mow the lawn.
My dad had some heavy issues too and he died fairly young, about 50. My mom stuck with him when most wives would not have. It definitely went both ways. But, it's really hard to grow up in that sort of relationship dynamic. Which is why I ask about children.

Ricky M · Mar 13, 2020

Maria Billingsley said:
Walk in His Holy Spirit and He will give you the strength and direction you need.
Be blessed

Thank you

Ricky M · Mar 13, 2020

Nancy Hale said:
Do you have children together? If so, are they still at home?
I know it's not all about the money, that's just the easiest thing to express. The thing people might understand.
It sounds a lot like my mom and dad.
I am often ponder why my dad never divorced my mom. I look up to him for it. He took a vow and stuck to it.
My mom had mental health issues also. But, he never once threatened to have her put away.
have you considered medication, financial guardianship, just giving her a cash allowance?
My mom did the financial stuff also. I don't know if she liked to fight, she hinted she did once. She would do other things like rush out and water the grass right before she knew my dad planned to mow the lawn.
My dad had some heavy issues too and he died fairly young, about 50. My mom stuck with him when most wives would not have. It definitely went both ways. But, it's really hard to grow up in that sort of relationship dynamic. Which is why I ask about children.

No kids.

Preferably I'd remove her from the decision making process, but I know how ugly that will get. It will require restraining her.

HopeInJesusOnly · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
Actually the only thing that's kept me alive for a long time, is the knowledge that it too would fail, just like everything else.

The world needs you, Ricky. So does your wife. I am praying for you and your family.

Ricky M · Mar 13, 2020

Nancy Hale · Mar 13, 2020

Ricky M said:
No kids.

Preferably I'd remove her from the decision making process, but I know how ugly that will get. It will require restraining her.

Have you spoke with her siblings? My aunt and uncle knew my mom had problems since she was little. They may be willing to back you on getting her help, and they certainly sound like they've had to side step her issues their whole lives.
I would suggest opening up to one of them.

My wife is out of control

Wake me when it's soup.

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

His perfect way sets me free. 2 Samuel 22:33

Blessed

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Active Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Active Member

Similar threads