I Need Advice

Not knowing that my DIL would basically disown me, after Christmas I bought a doll and extra clothes, for my granddaughter. I spent a lot of money from various places. I was planning to give them to my granddaughter for her April birthday. That's coming up very soon. I always shop early for gifts. So I have other dolls and clothes for other granddaughters. I've never mistreated my grandchildren.

How do I deliver the gifts? I can't afford to mail them.

Josheb said:

That may part of the problem.

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What may be part of the problem?

mkgal1 said:

I'm also sorry for you dealing with this situation. I've actually been in the position of the DIL not having contact, but I never allowed that to be an obstacle between our daughter and her grandmother. Is your son also not in communication with you Phoebe Ann?

Have you been informed of what the reason is for your DIL not being in contact with you? Is there a person you all trust that can maybe act as a mediator to come up with a plan moving forward that all can be in agreement of (that would allow you to feel encouraged to have a healthy relationship with your granddaughter)? I know I would have appreciated something like that in our situation.

A lot like the relationship itself - you can *deliver* the gift - but the REAL question is, will it actually be *received* in love? That may need some extra steps.

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Son and DIL are ignoring me. No, there are no mediators. They don't get along with people because once you disagree or give advice, you're more or less on permanent ignore. Their children are being deprived by no contact with me. They love me.

They attend their Orthodox church regularly, but don't follow the Bible about relationships and working things out. I can't talk to them about it because they both get angry. I sent a couple of loving emails, but the emails have been ignored.
If I take the gift over, I'm sure they won't let me see the kids. My son stays in the basement on his computer. My DIL might not come to the door. If I leave the gift at the front door, I can only hope neighbors don't take it. No matter what current news or health info I bring up to try to have a conversation they immediately tell me that isn't so. I never argue because I hate arguing and I know how unforgiving they can be. But I opened my mouth about my son's parenting --- I guess I didn't know how much I'm disrespected.

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Josheb said:

My apologies; it was posted in jest. I forgot to include the emoticon. I was alluding to the contradictions between spending a lot of money, planning, and not having enough money.

I assume the dil may have "basically disowned: you because you're no longer LDS. Yes?

As far as getting the gifts to the g-daughter, I suggest prayer. The same God Who brought you out of LDSism can provide a means of getting the gifts to your granddaughter.

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No, I escaped that religion in time to not have my children brainwashed! DIL came from divorced parents; her father was abusive and her mother neglectful.

Thanks for your input. If the gift isn't accepted I may give it to a stranger.

athenken said:

Are you acquainted with anyone they might listen to? And elder or the pastor of their church, perhaps? That could be one way of opening the door of communication.

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I called their priest several weeks ago. I though he'd get back to me, but he hasn't. I'm not sure he'll talk to them.

JustRachel said:

I am sorry for the situation. My family is also a mess and I know it hurts. Do you know a time when nobody will be home and you can leave the gifts on the porch (if it is a safe location)?

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That was an idea I had. They rent a ground floor townhouse apartment. I don't know if the neighbors would leave it there.

mkgal1 said:

I'd give it some more time.

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I'm in my seventies. .