Am I a virgin after sexual assault

DevinCamary · Dec 14, 2019

I... I need help... I want to save myself until marriage, but since I was sexually abused before, and everyone saying I lost my innocence... it's been hard...

Is there ANYTHING in the bible that says a rape/sexual abuse survivor is still a virgin, still sexually pure? Or am I damned for eternity for being abused, unable to marry, and should just die off??

muichimotsu · Dec 16, 2019

I can't say exactly on that, but I do recall Augustine having a thought in his City of God text that I found surprisingly thoughtful. It still potentially has issues of sorts (not sure exactly), but he noted that Lucretia (an ancient Roman matron) would still have been seen as chaste and pure in spite of being raped, because she didn't consent to the act, which I'd agree is important to determining whether the sense of virginity (which is a whole other discussion I'd rather not get into, because I don't want to bring up that quibble when this is a possibly traumatic issue) is maintained after such a terrible thing.

So I'd say no, you're still a virgin, because sex would reasonably not be considered fornication if you did not consent to it, because your enthusiastic participation would be the issue. And I can't imagine many Christians would hold a position that a woman who is raped is deserving of any condemnation, but compassion instead

As for anything in the bible, anything regarding rape and purity is OT and likely not entirely applicable, though I don't think Jesus ever addressed it (even if he talked about lots of other stuff from the OT), such as unpleasant verses suggesting a woman would be defiled if she was raped, but it was a very different time, so, while I'm not a Christian, I am a student of religious studies and I'd reasonably conclude that it would fall into the penumbra of interpreting scripture within historical context and understanding that rape is condemned, though Mosaic law is much more technical and probably not best to reference in regards to purity

DevinCamary · Jan 23, 2020

muichimotsu said:
I can't say exactly on that, but I do recall Augustine having a thought in his City of God text that I found surprisingly thoughtful. It still potentially has issues of sorts (not sure exactly), but he noted that Lucretia (an ancient Roman matron) would still have been seen as chaste and pure in spite of being raped, because she didn't consent to the act, which I'd agree is important to determining whether the sense of virginity (which is a whole other discussion I'd rather not get into, because I don't want to bring up that quibble when this is a possibly traumatic issue) is maintained after such a terrible thing.

So I'd say no, you're still a virgin, because sex would reasonably not be considered fornication if you did not consent to it, because your enthusiastic participation would be the issue. And I can't imagine many Christians would hold a position that a woman who is raped is deserving of any condemnation, but compassion instead

As for anything in the bible, anything regarding rape and purity is OT and likely not entirely applicable, though I don't think Jesus ever addressed it (even if he talked about lots of other stuff from the OT), such as unpleasant verses suggesting a woman would be defiled if she was raped, but it was a very different time, so, while I'm not a Christian, I am a student of religious studies and I'd reasonably conclude that it would fall into the penumbra of interpreting scripture within historical context and understanding that rape is condemned, though Mosaic law is much more technical and probably not best to reference in regards to purity

....it seems like the bible says otherwise.... I'm starting to feel its better to die than stay alive after being sexually assaulted.... where in the bible does it say I would still be a virgin....

muichimotsu · Jan 28, 2020

DevinCamary said:
....it seems like the bible says otherwise.... I'm starting to feel its better to die than stay alive after being sexually assaulted.... where in the bible does it say I would still be a virgin....

I cannot say there's some Bible verses in regards to virginity, translation can be tricky even if one can find verses

The fundamental issue I find is whether virginity itself is a realistic standard to hold to, because it doesn't create a healthy self esteem aspect, as if not being a virgin means you're worth less, when I'd argue you're not.

DevinCamary · Feb 2, 2020

muichimotsu said:
I cannot say there's some Bible verses in regards to virginity, translation can be tricky even if one can find verses

The fundamental issue I find is whether virginity itself is a realistic standard to hold to, because it doesn't create a healthy self esteem aspect, as if not being a virgin means you're worth less, when I'd argue you're not.

...I'm sorry, the wording here is confusing...

muichimotsu · Feb 2, 2020

DevinCamary said:
...I'm sorry, the wording here is confusing...

1) Finding stuff in regards to virginity is tricky from a Biblical scholar position, I'd imagine and I don't think there's necessarily a unified agreement that isn't going to get disagreements based on theological perspective

2) Even if there was an agreement, I think the idea of virginity is damaging to human self esteem in the notion that someone has less worth or is "broken" or "unfit" for marriage because they've had sex outside of those bonds. You are a person with dignity and your being raped in no way should affect your worth and should only encourage people to have compassion for you without being condescending, since people can and have dealt with the trauma of such experiences without pretending it never happened.

Adino The Eznite · Feb 11, 2020

DevinCamary said:
I... I need help... I want to save myself until marriage, but since I was sexually abused before, and everyone saying I lost my innocence... it's been hard...

Is there ANYTHING in the bible that says a rape/sexual abuse survivor is still a virgin, still sexually pure? Or am I damned for eternity for being abused, unable to marry, and should just die off??

NO! You are not in any way damned even for one second, for being abused. You can marry and carry on with life as best you can. God Loves you eternally.

Shadow · Feb 23, 2020

DevinCamary said:
I... I need help... I want to save myself until marriage, but since I was sexually abused before, and everyone saying I lost my innocence... it's been hard...

Is there ANYTHING in the bible that says a rape/sexual abuse survivor is still a virgin, still sexually pure? Or am I damned for eternity for being abused, unable to marry, and should just die off??

I'm very sorry to hear of this and I recognise how difficult it is to be open about sexual abuse, particularly when trying to process them in the context of your religious beliefs. I cannot comment on a biblical or christian view on the issue, but I would none the less like to wish you the best of luck healing from these experiences (as much as anyone reasonably can) and I hope you find a compassionate and supportive partner who will love you for who you are.

Dave-W · Mar 1, 2020

DevinCamary said:
....it seems like the bible says otherwise.... I'm starting to feel its better to die than stay alive after being sexually assaulted.... where in the bible does it say I would still be a virgin....

Why would it be better to die, in your opinion? I would like you to explain that so i can better tailor an answer.

DevinCamary · Mar 11, 2020

Adino The Eznite said:
NO! You are not in any way damned even for one second, for being abused. You can marry and carry on with life as best you can. God Loves you eternally.

...I dont know.... since the thing happened, I havent made any friends, and I doubt I'd find a girlfriend...

Dave-W said:
Why would it be better to die, in your opinion? I would like you to explain that so i can better tailor an answer.

The bible has a huge emphasis on virginity, and if sexual abuse takes away virginity I lost all value I have... unwanted and unloved... because I was hurt against my will...

Dave-W · Mar 11, 2020

DevinCamary said:
The bible has a huge emphasis on virginity, and if sexual abuse takes away virginity I lost all value I have... unwanted and unloved... because I was hurt against my will...

Do you think God is so unjust that He would hold something against you that you you had no control over?

Your worth to God is much more than you can comprehend. Jesus died for all manner of unsavory people.

They (or we) all have enough worth in God's eyes (the only opinion that counts) for Him to die for us.

DevinCamary · Mar 11, 2020

Dave-W said:
Do you think God is so unjust that He would hold something against you that you you had no control over?

Your worth to God is much more than you can comprehend. Jesus died for all manner of unsavory people.

They (or we) all have enough worth in God's eyes (the only opinion that counts) for Him to die for us.

The bible says virginity is one of the most important things. I didnt want it, and I want the one who sinned, so why am I being punished for it? Am I a virgin after sexual abuse or am I nothing but trash...?

.Mikha'el. · Mar 16, 2020

DevinCamary said:
The bible says virginity is one of the most important things.

Where do you get this idea?

Am I a virgin after sexual assault

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