Am I A Lost Cause?

waves said:

I am tired of having to explain myself to the father of my children. He sees me going out with different guys and I do not know how to stop that at all. I just want to be with him and my children.

For example, apparently I slept with this particular guy, I did not know I was sleeping with him and when I was confronted I did not know it had happened at all and was confused, and if I was in my right frame of mind I would not sleep with him because I don't like him like that. This is what my life is like all the time.

The only person I want to be with is the father of my children.

The psychiatrists in Jamaica are not equipped to deal with my problems, especially because it is not just D.I.D I am dealing with which many if not all, have no experience with, I am also dealing with ritual abuse which many psychiatrists believe to be a myth, I have also been programmed to sexual service people from a child, used in mind control programming, which many psychiatrists and people do not know exists and if they were told the truth they wouldn't believe me in a million years.

I am willing to take a polygraph test.

Click to expand...

waves said:

The problem I have is being unable to control who I have sex with. It does not take much for me to have sex. I am easily controlled and manipulated. All someone has to do is come to me and suggest that we have sex then I just say "okay" without any thought, reservations. I am just completely submissive sexually. Just being around people is enough to lead me into sex at some point in the future.

To give you some background, I grew up in what I thought was a normal family, I did not watch inappropriate contentography or anything like that, I did not have any boyfriend, I did not fight or give trouble in school. I did not have a large group of friends etc, I was quiet etc.

During college, my life was very difficult because I had Social Anxiety Disorder which preventing me from feeling comfortable around people enough to talk to people around me. Then a few years after leaving college, I woke up to the realization that I was living a completely different life than what I was aware of.

I remember one day feeling a kick in my stomach at home, but dismissed it as nothing. I was not sexually active, I had my period every single month like normal, so I dismissed it as nothing, pregnancy was far away from my mind, it simply was not possible to me. I also started to feel sharp pains in my belly like lightning shocks and I was wondering what on earth was going on and thought that something ruptured in me, but I did not want to go to the doctor or anything, and I did not tell anybody.

Then months, after the above things happened. Jesus Christ, revealed to me what was going on in my life. That I did in fact have children, who the father was, and when I realized that this indeed what Jesus Christ was saying, I tried to find out if this was true and if I had children, but up to today there has not been a verbal confirmation of me having children, where someone such as the father of my children, sits down with me, not my alters, but me, and say you have children etc. However, I had seen other evidence that this is the case.

So I did what I was supposed to do as a Christian, however, unfortunately, I woke up to the realization, that this was not so. I had no conscious knowledge of anything like that, it simply was not happening, it was not reality.

Now that I look on it though there were signs in my childhood that something was off. I would say sexually suggestive things when I did not learn anything about sex at that time or so I thought, my mind was messed up, I had sexual intrusive thoughts, that I could not control my sexual thoughts, but despite this happening, I was not sexually active as far as I knew. There were normal things that people did which would make me uncomfortable also.

Click to expand...

waves said:

The problem I have is being unable to control who I have sex with. It does not take much for me to have sex. I am easily controlled and manipulated. All someone has to do is come to me and suggest that we have sex then I just say "okay" without any thought, reservations. I am just completely submissive sexually. Just being around people is enough to lead me into sex at some point in the future.

To give you some background, I grew up in what I thought was a normal family, I did not watch inappropriate contentography or anything like that, I did not have any boyfriend, I did not fight or give trouble in school. I did not have a large group of friends etc, I was quiet etc.

During college, my life was very difficult because I had Social Anxiety Disorder which preventing me from feeling comfortable around people enough to talk to people around me. Then a few years after leaving college, I woke up to the realization that I was living a completely different life than what I was aware of.

I remember one day feeling a kick in my stomach at home, but dismissed it as nothing. I was not sexually active, I had my period every single month like normal, so I dismissed it as nothing, pregnancy was far away from my mind, it simply was not possible to me. I also started to feel sharp pains in my belly like lightning shocks and I was wondering what on earth was going on and thought that something ruptured in me, but I did not want to go to the doctor or anything, and I did not tell anybody.

Then months, after the above things happened. Jesus Christ, revealed to me what was going on in my life. That I did in fact have children, who the father was, and when I realized that this indeed what Jesus Christ was saying, I tried to find out if this was true and if I had children, but up to today there has not been a verbal confirmation of me having children, where someone such as the father of my children, sits down with me, not my alters, but me, and say you have children etc. However, I had seen other evidence that this is the case.

So I did what I was supposed to do as a Christian, however, unfortunately, I woke up to the realization, that this was not so. I had no conscious knowledge of anything like that, it simply was not happening, it was not reality.

Now that I look on it though there were signs in my childhood that something was off. I would say sexually suggestive things when I did not learn anything about sex at that time or so I thought, my mind was messed up, I had sexual intrusive thoughts, that I could not control my sexual thoughts, but despite this happening, I was not sexually active as far as I knew. There were normal things that people did which would make me uncomfortable also.

Click to expand...

waves said:

I am a Christian, I have so many issues and I do not know if I will ever be fully whole.

Click to expand...

waves said:

I am tired of having to explain myself to the father of my children. He sees me going out with different guys and I do not know how to stop that at all. I just want to be with him and my children.

For example, apparently I slept with this particular guy, I did not know I was sleeping with him and when I was confronted I did not know it had happened at all and was confused, and if I was in my right frame of mind I would not sleep with him because I don't like him like that. This is what my life is like all the time.

The only person I want to be with is the father of my children.

The psychiatrists in Jamaica are not equipped to deal with my problems, especially because it is not just D.I.D I am dealing with which many if not all, have no experience with, I am also dealing with ritual abuse which many psychiatrists believe to be a myth, I have also been programmed to sexual service people from a child, used in mind control programming, which many psychiatrists and people do not know exists and if they were told the truth they wouldn't believe me in a million years.

I am willing to take a polygraph test.

Click to expand...

BbyxV said:

I do believe that rituals and satanism does exist.... So I 100% believe what you are saying. I hope you find some clarity and healing but I promise you that if you talk to God about this - there will be a way out for all of your troubles... As for the sexual programming thing, I think that you are trying to say that you have been abused a child? If so, I am sorry that it happened to you I hope you know that it is not your fault. I hope that you seek out His peace and presence. If there's anything else you need please don't hesistate to contact me. I wish you the best in happiness and peace.

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A breath of fresh air... someone who has taken the time to listen.

I believe what she is referring to is SRA (satanic ritual abuse) and trauma-based mind control such as MK Ultra which a child is born into, multi-generationally. (I also am a survivor of these.) This severe trauma often begins even in the womb and causes the mind to split into literally thousands of pieces (alters, fragments). Mind control programmers will then take each of these alters and program them for specific roles, jobs, purposes. A cult handler can then use specific cues to pull an alter personality forward as needed. Many are programmed to be used as sex slaves.

That's a short, sleepy summary... if you were already aware of this, I apologize.

waves said:

I am tired of having to explain myself to the father of my children. He sees me going out with different guys and I do not know how to stop that at all. I just want to be with him and my children.

For example, apparently I slept with this particular guy, I did not know I was sleeping with him and when I was confronted I did not know it had happened at all and was confused, and if I was in my right frame of mind I would not sleep with him because I don't like him like that. This is what my life is like all the time.

The only person I want to be with is the father of my children.

The psychiatrists in Jamaica are not equipped to deal with my problems, especially because it is not just D.I.D I am dealing with which many if not all, have no experience with, I am also dealing with ritual abuse which many psychiatrists believe to be a myth, I have also been programmed to sexual service people from a child, used in mind control programming, which many psychiatrists and people do not know exists and if they were told the truth they wouldn't believe me in a million years.

I am willing to take a polygraph test.

Click to expand...

I also believe you. I also have survived SRA and mind control from birth. I am in my 40's and have been a follower of Jesus Christ from age 13. But that did not stop my handlers from using me. God did not immediately remove me from that threat. Around age 31, He did bring me to a place where I was able to face the past that I had locked (dissociated) away, though. And from that point on, things have been a long difficult journey, but well worth it. Healing is possible. You are not a lost cause.

Do you have a good connection with any of your alters? You might try to talk with them daily, and see if you can establish some dialog .... explain to them the difficulty their actions cause, as well as the danger it places them/you in. Ask them to reveal to you who their handlers are and what their cues are. But most of all, love them... speak to them about hope in Christ, and maybe invite them to join you in doing things that do not involve sex.... maybe art, or music, gardening, or other activities that you enjoy doing. Offer them a look at life that does not involve trauma.

I hope that made sense. If you'd like to write me, that would be okay. I hope you're doing well.