A New Beginning and Revelations

I have spent a long time being psychologically, emotionally, physically, traumatized by people in Jamaica, who I just happen to come across or in contact with.

I was speaking to God last night, because I was being tormented every day by thoughts of the father of my children, and my former best friend, hooking up and then later on having child/children for him. God confirmed that indeed that they hooked up and have a child together.

Additionally, I have been trying to get in contact with the father of my children, ever since I found out that I indeed had children, but no matter how hard I tried contacting the father of my children to see them he kept on pushing me away, while he treated my former best friend the complete opposite, she could talk with him, hang out with him at any time she wanted, while I was left behind and abandoned.

The couple times when he tried to visit me, my alters refused to allow me to talk to him and I can see why they did this. They were protecting me in the best way they could.

Although I am absolutely devasted and hurt in ways that cannot be described, I continue holding on to Jesus Christ and the purpose he has for my life, which is far greater than any earthly relationship. My focus now and my focus has been to have a solid relationship with my children, be there for them, and to fulfill the purpose that Jesus Christ has for my life.

I have been considering going the legal route to see my children, but I know that there are persons at all levels in society seeking to destroy me, I am also painfully aware that in my immediate family something has gone wrong, this includes my time during high school, revelations from Jesus Christ of abuse that took place, and is still taking place, and the realization that I cannot allow my children to come in contact with anyone in my immediate family and other persons, except a few that have earned my respect and trust.

I leave the father of my children, my former best friend allowing Jesus Christ to deal with them as he sees fit. I can no longer have anything to do with either of them because they are both destroying me, and they both deserve each other. I do not want to have anything to do with them whatsoever, they are free to continue what they have been doing with each other for years, and may God himself let them reap what they have sowed.

I only want a solid relationship with my children and to fulfill the purpose that Jesus Christ has for my life.

No work is being done whatsoever. I told the first psychiatrist I came in contact with that I was used in human trafficking and she started laughing and it was clear that she did not believe me.

The second psychiatrist I had, died a few months ago and she thought I was just mentally ill, psychotic for the 7 years I was with her, and now my new psychiatrist is trying to figure out what is going on.

Because of the human trafficking element, I also have to be careful who I trust, I just can't simply allow any psychiatrist into my world.

Anytime I go to the psychiatrist (and anywhere at all) my parents always carry me so I can't talk more openly. Because my parents act normal, people, persons believe them more than they do me. This is what happened when I ran away from home and ended up in a hospital.

I can't go anywhere alone even before the above took place where I ran away. Therefore I can't just get up, take a taxi, and go shopping. Anywhere I am going I need their permission, and they need to approve who carries me, and the only other person that can do other than them is my sister or another family member.

My parents did allow me to go on Church trips, school trips, but other than this I couldn't and can't go anywhere alone on my own like a normal adult. This is what has been happening all my life. I can't even go to the doctor without my parents carry me there.

In addition to the above, I am also a victim of Satanic Ritualistic Abuse. My biological mother is a Satanist.