Reached Out To My Ex After 6 Months Of No Talking..

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nb408 said:

The last time we spoke it was through text and it ended like this.

Me: "You don't think I'm hurting?"

Her:"I don't know what you don't tell me but I'm sorry that you are. I'll give you some space."

I didn't need space, I needed her to show me she cares.. 6 months later I reached out to her through text and we're meeting over coffee next week. I'm going to tell her that I'm finally moving on. And I couldn't do it until I told it to her face. There's a lot of history that you don't know about but essentially.. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Letting go of the person I love the most in this world. For good.. I'm not even sure if she knows what I've been through since we stopped talking. I started seeing a therapist over a month ago. Lost my faith, went into old patterns..

I'm asking for prayer in this. I've lost faith in God because of this girl, that's how much I care for her. I've cursed God because of her and almost ruined my life. I need prayer in this because there's nothing more that matters to me than her. And I'm finally letting go, when there's a good chance she thinks I already have.

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Please read everything I say. You don't need prayers on this, IMO, other than being wise and not being led by ego.

Every man has been where you are: breaking up with a girl, wanting to "shut the door on her face" in person... This is all ego based off emotions.

As you mature and start experiencing other relationships you'll find out that no matter where & how it ends that is usually it. period. Especially after 6 months. You are telling me that after losing faith, going to this forum, that you just texted her after 6 months and agreed to meet in person at a coffee shop just to tell her you moved on? please. So are you going to tell her before she buys her Cappuccino, mid way, or after the whole thing?

I'm not sure where she is at, she could have agreed because she wants to get back together or she is just trying to be considerate of your feelings. If it isn't because of getting back together, then just cancel this meeting and move on because this will likely bite you in the butt emotionally.

If you are still going to meet her, then drop the "i'm moving on" thing. Be honest (not whiny honest) about your feelings and how you want to be in a relationship with her. If she agrees, good but if she says no, then respect it. Don't show any form of emotion.. and move on after that.

nb408 said:

I just don't want her to think I left.. She has abandonment issues and I didn't leave. I was waiting for her to reach out. I need to tell her that that's what happened because I couldn't forgive myself if she thought otherwise.

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You mean to tell me you never told her how you feel about her before she left??? We are not mind readers and everyone needs to know how the other person feels by being told---otherwise we are left to guess by actions, and that can be totally misleading. If yo0u care, tell her so. If she doesn't want you back, ask her the reason why not and then uy0ou have honesty between you. You are totally confused---you say you're going there to tell her you're giving her up when you don't even have her to begin with. She said in her last post she was giving you space, she obviously thought you needed it and you're the one that gave her that impression. As has been mentioned---don't take your ego with you.

nb408 said:

I just don't want her to think I left.. She has abandonment issues and I didn't leave. I was waiting for her to reach out. I need to tell her that that's what happened because I couldn't forgive myself if she thought otherwise.

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I understand it is too late to reply to this and you've probably made your decision however just to tell you, I know all of what you've typed here and in the last post is you trying to make reason to blanket over the fact that you are emotionally attached. As i said, many have been where you are so we (especially me) know exactly what is really up.

Why do you care that about what she thinks, if you want to show "you've moved on"? If you've moved on as you said, you are already letting her know you've left so what difference would it make? The reality is, you want to leave with some "great about you" to remember something where she will "want" you in the end.

You are playing games with her and much yourself. Either ask her where she is emotionally with you, and if she wants to try again. If not then that is it.

I think it's probable that six months of silence communicated your intentions far more than words will over coffee. If the result of your parting was spiritual destruction and emotional hardship which led you to therapy. Why would you contemplate reaching out unless you're hoping to rekindle the relationship?

This connection has been a continual roller coaster of pain and disappointments. On several occasions you questioned her feelings, male connections, and felt you were giving more than she did in return. Letting go was an opportunity to heal and build a healthy connection with someone invested in your welfare who wants the same.

You're not done. You're giving way to feelings which led your astray in the past. Denying yourself is the problem. Not her.

~Bella

LaBèlla said:

Why would you contemplate reaching out unless you're hoping to rekindle the relationship?

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I did this with my ex from high school. We dated for nearly a year, we were basically dating for months before that, and it was more than 2 years after our break up before I sent an apology email. I have no intentions of getting back together with her; I can see now that there were some serious issues between us, but that didn't change the fact that I still wanted to apologize for everything I did, and accept her long overdue offer of friendship. I'm actually meeting her this weekend, for the 1st time since high school, along with some other friends. Yes, it is a very difficult thing to do, but reaching out to my ex is something I have never regretted, and I look forward to being able to see her as a friend, without my emotional turmoil around her that I maintained through the rest of high school. Reaching out to her with 1 of the most healing things I have ever done, I think for her as well as me.

nb408 said:

This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Letting go of the person I love the most in this world. For good.. I'm not even sure if she knows what I've been through since we stopped talking. I started seeing a therapist over a month ago. Lost my faith, went into old patterns..

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Take courage, Christian warrior! This will be hard, but it is better to confront it rather than letting it ferment in your mind. I'm very proud of you for even being willing to do this. Perhaps you will find a friendship, as I pray will happen with my ex. It's all in God's hands now; you have done with you can, and I'm sure you're coming out this with noble intentions. Trust.


Send me a private message if you want to discuss this further, or continue to reply to this thread as the situation progresses.

Remember to pray for her, as well.