Why are you single?

Initially, I became single because she decided I should be. As things stand, I am single by choice. I have never been so lonely as I was in the last relationship. So, loneliness is not an issue, currently. I am completely at peace and contented being by myself.

I do sometimes think it would be nice to spend time with a woman. I enjoy sweet kisses, cuddles, and conversation as much as the next person. But, that has a tendency to lead to stronger feelings and then the idea that we should put in together and I'm just not up for that. So, I think I'll be alone for the long haul. But, one never knows.

blackribbon said:

I think the biggest contributor to my being still single is that I work in a women's world and I don't socialize much. When I do, it is mostly with other women. My irregular work schedule prevents me from joining any groups or classes that meet weekly. However, I also am not willing to just go "when I can" so I guess that is on me.

So I suffer from "lack of even being around men", especially single men.

However, I also accept it and although I feel lonely periodically, I know that I am not likely to meet a man unless I change my own habits.

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My situation is the opposite. In my profession,there is about 90% women.These women are smart,and "have it together." But,since these women are smart,and have it together,they are all married.
I just have to face the fact that I am single because,I am not the kind of man that most women want. Even though most single women tell me that I am such a "great guy" .But, they have "no feelings " for me.

blackribbon said:

I think the biggest contributor to my being still single is that I work in a women's world and I don't socialize much. When I do, it is mostly with other women. My irregular work schedule prevents me from joining any groups or classes that meet weekly. However, I also am not willing to just go "when I can" so I guess that is on me.

So I suffer from "lack of even being around men", especially single men.

However, I also accept it and although I feel lonely periodically, I know that I am not likely to meet a man unless I change my own habits.

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Do you ever use facebook? I get hit on there so much! Not weird strangers, but friends of people I know. Of course, I'm over 50. I didn't get hit on as much at 30. I was not expecting it.
Oh, I'm single because I chose to be at 32. Life just works better for me single.

blackribbon said:

I have to actually know someone in real life before I friend them on FB...with the one exception being my friends who are also widows (the reason I joined FB). I have a smaller group of friends that way and most the men are married (only a couple widowers who by now have significant others).

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I don't even friend every person I know I'm real life on Facebook. I have friended people from certain groups I'm in, like Compassionate Friend network (child-loss group) but those ppl haven't been anything but wonderful.

Gosh, where do I begin?

I had a traumatic relationship with my parents, so I tend to seek out trauma bonds in relationships. Knowing that keeps me single because I don't want to put another woman through that again.

I don't like myself. Not one bit. I can't expect anyone to like me if I don't even like myself. That keeps me single.

I'm a total coward. I couldn't ever muster up the courage to talk to anyone I was interested in, so many years ago I stopped paying attention. Once in a great while, a woman would make that first move.

I'm scared to get my heart broken again. I've been loved and disposed of too many times in my life and I'm too scared to risk that again.

For me, being single is safer. It's lonely and for me it's pathetic, but it does sidestep a lot of issues.

I rarely meet women who are appropriate for me, and being in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship isn't appealing. I'm holding out for a good one. In the meantime, I'm happily single.

I am single because I am such an introvert and only have minimal needs for companionship, and physical and emotional intimacy. I love the company of women and am very attracted to women, but not to the point of wanting a serious relationship. Being an introvert, I tend to spend my time in my own world reading, editing photos, exercising, watching movies, etc. I don't particularly need companionship to do those things. I fear I would not meet a wife's emotional needs. I like a little conversation but then time alone. I am more of a homebody and so just don't see where I would add much to someone's life nor want much from theirs. I did grow up with attachment disorder so that is no doubt why I don't need much of an emotional connection. I can handle being alone a lot. My libido died years ago and intimacy (I was married once) was always awkward and never that meaningful (ex hated it) so I can't say I am missing anything being single. The attraction is still there and it looks nice on paper, but the reality of it never is. I wish I could flip a switch and turn the attraction off. Then I would be totally at peace.

HisGraceAbounds said:

Gosh, where do I begin?

I had a traumatic relationship with my parents, so I tend to seek out trauma bonds in relationships. Knowing that keeps me single because I don't want to put another woman through that again.

I don't like myself. Not one bit. I can't expect anyone to like me if I don't even like myself. That keeps me single.

I'm a total coward. I couldn't ever muster up the courage to talk to anyone I was interested in, so many years ago I stopped paying attention. Once in a great while, a woman would make that first move.

I'm scared to get my heart broken again. I've been loved and disposed of too many times in my life and I'm too scared to risk that again.

For me, being single is safer. It's lonely and for me it's pathetic, but it does sidestep a lot of issues.

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It's not pathetic. Being coupled with someone else does not make your life more meaningful or special. It can be a beautiful thing but nothing wrong with staying single. The best you can do is be you, however, skewed that may be due to life. There are a lot of very unhappy married people. Learn to love yourself. Start by reminding yourself that God loves you and He knows you better than yourself. He knows every little thing about you yet still loves you. If God can see good in you, and something worth loving, then you can too. We are living for eternity. This life will be but a blip. We may feel lonely but we are never alone. God is always with us if we are in Him. God will not break your heart or dispose of you. If the most important "being" in all there is loves *you*, then what else can trump that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I've warned women off me. Sometimes those of us with the most hurt are the most honest and noble. We have no pride, our wounds are visible, we have learned to persevere and that is a great quality because the Christian walk is hard and takes perseverance. We have a depth of character worn by the scars like water carving a canyon. Behind our eyes, there is much love and depth. None of us gets to experience everything we want in life, but in eternity, none of that will matter. Run the good race, finish the fight, never lose sight of the goal. God calls us to glory and nothing can rob us of that. Satan has done His worst, Christ defeated Satan. There is nothing pathetic about such a life!

blackribbon said:

I think the biggest contributor to my being still single is that I work in a women's world and I don't socialize much. When I do, it is mostly with other women. My irregular work schedule prevents me from joining any groups or classes that meet weekly. However, I also am not willing to just go "when I can" so I guess that is on me.

So I suffer from "lack of even being around men", especially single men.

However, I also accept it and although I feel lonely periodically, I know that I am not likely to meet a man unless I change my own habits.

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I could say it's my geography. I live an hour away from the big city, I live in a suburban sprawl outside of the big city....where it's mostly retirees and people who are coupled up, and/or still married to their HS sweet hearts. The rest of the single population looks like someone out of a Jerry Springer episode. lol

However, there are a few attractive, intelligent women peppered about the area...some of which that moved here to be closer to their retiree (aging) parents. But my messages to them go ignored. And when I try to contact women further out geographically, if I even do get a response, they think I'm too far away.

I know a woman that won't even date a half hour away from her (busy single mom). However, I have a female friend that has no issue dating men 2 hours away from here. Apparently, they men have no issue making the drive.

It's hard to meet women organically, because if you're in line somewhere, at a coffee shop or whatever...they give of a vibe that they want to be left alone. Stranger danger, etc. It's not like how our parents used to meet where women didn't have their walls up. They were open to men approaching them cold turkey.

Nancy Hale said:

Do you ever use facebook? I get hit on there so much! Not weird strangers, but friends of people I know. Of course, I'm over 50. I didn't get hit on as much at 30. I was not expecting it.
Oh, I'm single because I chose to be at 32. Life just works better for me single.

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Addressing the BOLDED...

I had tried contacting women via the "People you may know" list, where we share mutual friends. I had a real life female friend that says she HATES it when she finds out that a guy tried to hit on one of her other friends (regardless of the mutualness of it). She's even warned men that she'll UN-friend them if she ever found out that men tried to "hit on" her friends there.

Apparently, there's an ickiness to trolling other peoples' mutual friends for dates.

ThisIsMe123 said:

Addressing the BOLDED...

I had tried contacting women via the "People you may know" list, where we share mutual friends. I had a real life female friend that says she HATES it when she finds out that a guy tried to hit on one of her other friends (regardless of the mutualness of it). She's even warned men that she'll UN-friend them if she ever found out that men tried to "hit on" her friends there.

Apparently, there's an ickiness to trolling other peoples' mutual friends for dates.

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Definite ickyness to it, but not just with dating. A pastor sent friend requests to everyone on my friends list and that was uncomfortable too.

Well I'm single and I'm not single. I am single because I don't plan to ever get married again. I find the church wants men to pull in their life and have very limited contacts with people once you get married. A few male friends and no female friends beyond ones wife. History showed me I was a failure at that type of relationship. So I shell remain single.
I am not single because I have long term (7 years) relationship with a few women, we visit each other, we travel together and we love each other. What's more I have women quite regularly want to meet with me, go out to dinner and even escort them on trips. I was just in Spain for a week with a woman who I'd only had 4 dates with. I find this to be amazingly satisfying.

I'm single because I haven't got married yet.

Most denominations assume that married women have got to be "demanding" (nudge nudge) and if I and whichever good lady get round to it, I would like it to be on a "josephite" sort of basis (which I jokingly call "morganatic").

To me, intimacy has to be at the intellectual level foremost, which can be the anchor for the relational. I know an awful lot about relationships and emotions. It would not surprise me if there is the "odd" lady somewhere around who wants to short circuit the yucky stuff but don't dare admit it for condemnation.

Intellectual doesn't mean high-faluting, it just means being able to convey all the sense that needs conveying.

Prodding and poking isn't my dimension and that doesn't make me a loser.

No-one stops to converse so all the issues remain stalled. No couples that are considering marrying model exploring the elements in my company, so I'm deprived of their wisdom.

Nobody introduces anybody. Nobody looks for gifts in anybody. According to religion, everything has got to be so casual, so in isolation, and so identikit.

dayhiker said:

... I find the church wants men to pull in their life and have very limited contacts with people once you get married. ...

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As a single, married Christians (the only ones on the radar) think I'm less intelligent than them and that they are entitled to kid themselves they are more intelligent than me.

Company keeping seems unheard of around folks with religion these days (I remember it was being done, 40 years ago though).

I'm single because it just worked out that way. I am content being single for now.

I'm not!!!!!!! I'm very happily in love!!!!!! Just not anywhere near ready for getting married or anything like that, lol.

Nm, I hadn't realized there was a singles area, then also a mature singles area for older ppl. My apologies for posting here.