AlwaysSeekTruth

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Hi all, I joined this forum to ask for some biblical advice on a friend's situation in dealing with a complicated situation. I hope to receive proper Godly counsel from you all on how to handle this situation. Here goes:

I have a dear Christian friend (called X) who is studying in a university. She has a good friend who is not a Christian (called Y - whom I have never met before), and was diagnosed with serious mental issues shortly after their diploma program. Y denies having any mental issues even after diagnosis, rejects medications, is neither studying, working, nor actively job-searching due to her condition. All Y's friends has forsaken her due to her condition (except X). Her parents (also non-Christians) have given up hope on her and neglects her to a significant extent. She hates crowds and mingling with anyone escpecially religious ones so inviting her to church is almost out of the question.

Now here's the real problem. As X is her only friend left, Y in her now worsened mental state has caused her to consistently pester X to whatsapp/call/meet her even while knowing she is occupied with her studies. Y continually pries into X's personal life (asking X to make little reports of what she does & reprimanding when her respond is slow). X is frustrated and her grades affected due to these incidents, but finds it difficult to turn her down as she uses 'emotional blackmail' (e.g. laments how everyone hates her etc) and has implied threats of self-harm should X not help her. X has tried all things: Prayer, Bringing her along for family outings, even tried to invite her for church but has exhausted almost all her options.

I've indicated to X that I would be willing to drop by to meet both her and Y for dinner this week, to try to befriend Y and maybe invite her for a bible study nearby the university (will need prayer to pull that off). As such any biblical advice or Godly counsel for a working adult male like myself would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: Y needs serious help. Apart from prayer, any advice?
 

Pavel Mosko

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Now here's the real problem. As X is her only friend left, Y in her now worsened mental state has caused her to consistently pester X to whatsapp/call/meet her even while knowing she is occupied with her studies. Y continually pries into X's personal life (asking X to make little reports of what she does & reprimanding when her respond is slow). X is frustrated and her grades affected due to these incidents, but finds it difficult to turn her down as she uses 'emotional blackmail' (e.g. laments how everyone hates her etc) and has implied threats of self-harm should X not help her. X has tried all things: Prayer, Bringing her along for family outings, even tried to invite her for church but has exhausted almost all her options.

Your friend's job as a student is to keep her grades up, end of story! So she needs to manage and limit contact no matter what happens to that friend. She has already done more than her Christian duty if this is imperiling her grades....


So anyway reduce contact, limit it etc. I actually think your friend might benefit from some videos on "Managing Contact with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder Person", that person may not have NPD but those kind of videos would be appropriate given the demanding, manipulating, boundary breaking behavior of this person in question.


 
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Daniel Marsh

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If there is evidence that the person is a danger to themself or others, get the police involved. Take her to a Department of Mental Health and make them aware of the situation. Tell her until she gets help, it is time to cut off the relationship because you can not handle it. Police can have her admitted for evaluation in a mental health place. Let her doctors know that she is not taking her meds. I am dealing with this myself. There are great books on boundaries out there. If there is a way that the Dean or Security can ban her from the campus, put that in place. This sounds like a person who needs to hit rock bottom before they try to put their life together.

Has she gone to church with you? Have you looking into Christian Counseling in your area to take her to? She needs somewhere to go for help when you must end the relationship. Is she living in a group setting for those with disabilities? Giving her all the information in the world will not help. You will need to take her to places that may help. Expect, passing the buck because no one wants to deal with someone who is not willing to help themselves.

Set and enforce boundries --- it is ok to turn the answering machine off and not answer the phone.,

Also, set limits of what you are able to do and maintain your responsibilities.

Lay down the Law with her.
 
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Tolworth John

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I've indicated to X that I would be willing to drop by to meet both her and Y for dinner this week, to try to befriend Y and maybe invite her for a bible study nearby the university (will need prayer to pull that off). As such any biblical advice or Godly counsel for a working adult male like myself would be greatly appreciated.

X needs to concentrate on her studies and should tell y that she will respond once a day to one message and that she will block y if he does not comply. An additional demand is that y is to take his medication.

If you are prepared to help to right ahead.
 
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Sounds like Asperger's Syndrome. But I believe God takes mental illness on a case by case basis and treats the helpless as little children.

Luke 18:16 KJV
[16] But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
 
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Llleopard

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Sounds like Asperger's Syndrome. But I believe God takes mental illness on a case by case basis and treats the helpless as little children.

Luke 18:16 KJV
[16] But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
As an aspie from a family of aspies, I respectfully disagree, and would say please leave the diagnosis up to the professionals!
 
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Berean
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As an aspie from a family of aspies, I respectfully disagree, and would say please leave the diagnosis up to the professionals!
"Sounds like Asperger's Syndrome", is not a diagnosis..it's a guess.
Please leave the judging up to God, especially in the 'Christian Advice' area of the Forum.
 
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AlwaysSeekTruth

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I have mental illness as well. Sometimes I cry to my brother about my depression and he helps me through that. But over time he has developed boundaries and will ask me to leave his room or stop talking about it if it becomes too much for him. I've been suicidal for years but I dont tell him that because I dont want to upset him and I also take initiative to try to manage it by seeing a psychologist at least once a month and at most twice a week if I am having an emotional meltdown instead of a
Dumping it all out on my family. I dont try to guilt trip my family into hearing my problems. Tell her friend to go to a psychologist or therapist for professional help and to even offer to pay for it if she refuses. If that doesn't help her then your friend is wasting her time anyways. The thing they always tell caregivers is to take care of yourself first before taking care of someone else because if you sink then who is there to take care of the one their taking care of. Honestly I feel guilty for the times I've upset my brother because I didn't have enough self control to shut up. I wonder if he would be doing better if I hadn't. But I plan to take care of him financially for the rest of his life if he needs it. I wish he had established boundaries sooner and that I had spent more time at the psychologist so that he would not have been so burdened with my emotional vomit. If the friend of your friend cares about your friend then she wouldn't mind seeing a psychologist instead of destroying your friends life. I wish my brother had spoken up to establish boundaries sooner it's something that I regret not having done sooner

Rather than saying I'm sorry to hear that, I'm thankful you spoke up about your perspective. Thanks alot for doing so and giving me some encouraging advice. Meanwhile don't give up praying about your situation, and I'll say one for you too. I can also be your listening ear too though I may not be as responsive due to work, (not sure if there's a chat option on this forum).
 
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