My life has fallen apart around me.

Phronema

Orthodox Christian
Angels Team
Supporter
Dec 2, 2016
1,387
1,532
41
Florida Panhandle
✟738,917.00
Country
United States
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Single
Lord have mercy !

I'm very sorry to hear all of this has happened to you, especially all at one time. I agree that right now your Daughter would be the top priority. Beyond that, you certainly have my prayers brother. Please be sure to discuss this with your priest though I'm sure you have.
 
Upvote 0

The Barbarian

Crabby Old White Guy
Apr 3, 2003
25,916
11,302
76
✟363,218.00
Country
United States
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Libertarian
My wife left me a week before Christmas. Since then she's been cold and she hardly sees our children. It was an affair, I guess, and she's all in on it despite what anyone says to her.

In January I learned that my preteen daughter is suicidal. She sent my brother videos detailing what's going on in her life, how she feels, and how she doesn't want to live sometimes.

Last night my best friend since childhood came out as being gay to me. I never would have known. This isn't going to have an impact on our friendship, but I now have to wrestle with that being a conservative, traditional Christian.

I'm heartbroken and destroyed, and very, very confused.

John, you're in my prayers for God to give you His peace and the strength to go on. I don't mean to sound hard, but at this point the biggest thing in your life, has to be your daughter. You need to intervene and help her. I don't know the circumstances, but you have to do what you can. You might be all that she has to count on.

And like your friend's revelation to you, it might be the way God is putting a hand out to you. When you step up and help others, you're putting your pain aside. I pray that is a way to healing for you.

May the Lord bless and keep you, and watch over your family.
 
Upvote 0

Nancy Hale

Active Member
Dec 29, 2019
226
157
Nevada
✟24,486.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
I'm confused because I and nobody else in our lives saw this coming, not even her own mother or best friend. She was silent about everything and went on as normal for however long she was having the affair up until she left me and abandoned the family one night before Christmas. It's a very confusing time. God definitely didn't call you to be a therapist.
I think the person posting the confusing advise is projecting his own experiences on to you. I think he's in pain from something.
I think this because 24 years ago I was in a situation much like yours. My ex is currently in prison and most likely will die there. It didn't happen right away, he had more than a decade after our divorce where his life just spiralled; But he thought it was great: drugs, swinging, multiple marriages.
My oldest son is now deceased.
So when I read your story, I think of all this. And, there have been times in the past where I wondered if I had done things differently way back then if things could be different for my ex and if my son's life wouldn't have ended so soon.
I don't know what to tell you, I don't know if doing things differently than I did would have changed anything. I did what I thought was right back then, but obviously it was wrong.
I do know how hard the situation you find yourself in is. My ex decided to come empty our house on our daughter's birthday, during her party! It's really crazy how drugs can change people, how they can justify any crazy action they decide to take.
 
Upvote 0

Ricky M

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Apr 19, 2017
1,905
1,319
66
Los Angeles
✟130,544.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I know EXACTLY what this brother is feeling and ONLY quoting scripture, without any insight or words doesn't help. Sadly I'm still in the same situation, 10-11 years on so I have no advice, but you may wish to reconsider just quoting scripture to someone in that much pain.
You want to talk about pain? Believe me, I live steeped in it. Enough to know that, every time I think it can't get any worse, God says "oh yeah watch this". The fact is, as Christians, if we live like Christians, the world is going to pound on us. And it's going to use the very people we love to do it if it can. And aaaaallllll those verses are telling us that's the way it is and to get used to it. The only answer is to persevere. It's a war of attrition, and we occupy enemy territory. And blowing happy smoke up some poor guy's [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] ain't gonna change that.
 
  • Prayers
Reactions: Tigger45
Upvote 0

Cis.jd

Well-Known Member
Dec 3, 2015
3,613
1,484
New York, NY
✟140,465.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Single
My wife left me a week before Christmas. Since then she's been cold and she hardly sees our children. It was an affair, I guess, and she's all in on it despite what anyone says to her.

In January I learned that my preteen daughter is suicidal. She sent my brother videos detailing what's going on in her life, how she feels, and how she doesn't want to live sometimes.

Last night my best friend since childhood came out as being gay to me. I never would have known. This isn't going to have an impact on our friendship, but I now have to wrestle with that being a conservative, traditional Christian.

I'm heartbroken and destroyed, and very, very confused.

Your preteen daughter is what you should focus on. This is the real problem. I'm sorry about your wife and there is no doubt how painful it is for you, but right now your wife can't be a problem.

Your friend shouldn't be a problem either. In fact, maybe ask him for help in helping your daughter - he may have connections to someone who can help her. Usually people who come out gay do experience depression so he may be a great resource.
 
  • Like
Reactions: The Barbarian
Upvote 0

LovebirdsFlying

My husband drew this cartoon of me.
Christian Forums Staff
Red Team - Moderator
Supporter
Aug 13, 2007
28,726
4,216
59
Washington (the state)
✟832,583.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I'm so sorry for the trials you are suffering. I think we need to stop victim-blaming here, and simply show Christian love rather than judgment.

Which, Mr. John, is the same advice I would give you concerning your gay best friend. Of the problems you have mentioned in the OP, that is the one I could best deal with if I were in your place. I think what one of the members is trying to say, but it may be coming out wrong, is that it isn't for us to *make* other people live Christian lives. The only thing we can do is model it for them, as Christ models it for us. I would advise continuing to treat your friend as you always have. Whatever you do, don't misrepresent Christ's love to him.

As for your family, Paul counseled the church to let unbelieving spouses depart if they wish to do so, and not be under bondage. 1 Corinthians 7:15. I can't say whether or not your wife is unbelieving, but using drugs, having an affair, and abandoning your family are generally not things most believers would do.

You're grieving the loss, and so is your daughter. I have very little advice for you except to pray, also remembering to pray for those who have hurt you. This would include your wife *and* those who led her astray. Set an example for your daughter, and try to be patient. Her world, like yours, has crumbled out from under her, and she is going to be squirrelly. So will you. Lean on Christ and show her how to draw closer to Him when things go wrong.
 
Upvote 0

prodromos

Senior Veteran
Supporter
Nov 28, 2003
21,424
11,977
58
Sydney, Straya
✟1,167,232.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Married
My wife left me a week before Christmas. Since then she's been cold and she hardly sees our children. It was an affair, I guess, and she's all in on it despite what anyone says to her.

In January I learned that my preteen daughter is suicidal. She sent my brother videos detailing what's going on in her life, how she feels, and how she doesn't want to live sometimes.

Last night my best friend since childhood came out as being gay to me. I never would have known. This isn't going to have an impact on our friendship, but I now have to wrestle with that being a conservative, traditional Christian.

I'm heartbroken and destroyed, and very, very confused.
Lord have mercy
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Paulus59

Well-Known Member
Nov 8, 2016
476
555
64
Australia
✟94,397.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
My wife left me a week before Christmas. Since then she's been cold and she hardly sees our children. It was an affair, I guess, and she's all in on it despite what anyone says to her.

In January I learned that my preteen daughter is suicidal. She sent my brother videos detailing what's going on in her life, how she feels, and how she doesn't want to live sometimes.

Last night my best friend since childhood came out as being gay to me. I never would have known. This isn't going to have an impact on our friendship, but I now have to wrestle with that being a conservative, traditional Christian.

I'm heartbroken and destroyed, and very, very confused.

I feel for you my friend, you are indeed going through a terrible trial in your life, and may God strengthen you and comfort you with his presence and help you get through this with patience, wisdom & love. Your daughter needs a lot of support & love in her struggles and I pray that God will heal her. My prayers are with you and your daughter.
 
Upvote 0

Heavenhome

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Dec 31, 2017
3,279
5,323
65
Newstead.Australia
✟407,525.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
My wife left me a week before Christmas. Since then she's been cold and she hardly sees our children. It was an affair, I guess, and she's all in on it despite what anyone says to her.

In January I learned that my preteen daughter is suicidal. She sent my brother videos detailing what's going on in her life, how she feels, and how she doesn't want to live sometimes.

Last night my best friend since childhood came out as being gay to me. I never would have known. This isn't going to have an impact on our friendship, but I now have to wrestle with that being a conservative, traditional Christian.

I'm heartbroken and destroyed, and very, very confused.

John, I am so sorry for all that is going on in your life. It must feel very overwhelming at times because its not just one thing but many.
All I can say is that oftentimes it is in our darkest moments that we are closest to God.
I pray that you are able to let Jesus bear your burdens through this, because it is too much for one to bear.
My prayers for you and your family dear brother.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pioneer3mm
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

dqhall

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jul 21, 2015
7,547
4,171
Florida
Visit site
✟766,603.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
My wife left me a week before Christmas. Since then she's been cold and she hardly sees our children. It was an affair, I guess, and she's all in on it despite what anyone says to her.

In January I learned that my preteen daughter is suicidal. She sent my brother videos detailing what's going on in her life, how she feels, and how she doesn't want to live sometimes.

Last night my best friend since childhood came out as being gay to me. I never would have known. This isn't going to have an impact on our friendship, but I now have to wrestle with that being a conservative, traditional Christian.

I'm heartbroken and destroyed, and very, very confused.
In the story of Job, everything that could go wrong went wrong. Poor Job was reduced to worse poverty. He lost his prominent place in the community, yet he did not curse God.

For some reason I remember this verse as when things go wrong people looked for someone else to blame:
Matthew 7:3 (WEB) Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but don’t consider the beam that is in your own eye? 4 Or how will you tell your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye,’ and behold, the beam is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite! First remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Killing is wrong. Getting angry is a grievous sin. When violence is highly thought of some people might become suicidal. More people die of suicide than homicide.

I read an article stating couples with the lowest credit scores are 2-3 times more likely to separate. Productivity and thrift are important concepts for people to learn.
 
Upvote 0

All4Christ

✙ The Handmaid of God Laura ✙
CF Senior Ambassador
Supporter
Mar 11, 2003
11,682
8,018
PA
Visit site
✟1,013,227.00
Country
United States
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Married
@John P. Alexander

I can’t imagine the pain you feel right now, and you are in my prayers.

I’m not sure if this will help or not, but these help me when I cannot understand why things happen or how God can allow such evil to occur.

From St Silhoun:

To all who may find themselves in the same misfortune which overtook me, I now write: Stand fast. Hope firmly in God, and the enemy will not keep ground. By the grace of God, I know that the Lord mercifully cares for us, and not one prayer is ever lost with God.

May our Lord have mercy and give you comfort and strength during this time.
 
  • Like
Reactions: The Barbarian
Upvote 0

Sketcher

Born Imperishable
Feb 23, 2004
38,978
9,399
✟377,931.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
My wife left me a week before Christmas. Since then she's been cold and she hardly sees our children. It was an affair, I guess, and she's all in on it despite what anyone says to her.
She's moved in with the person and wants a divorce.
If there's a divorce, don't let her get any custody of the children. Make sure you get full custody. Hire a lawyer who will help you navigate that. I'm not saying to actually divorce her, but to position yourself advantageously so that if she gets the divorce, she gets nothing, or at least nothing that matters. That may shock her into repentance, or it may not. Either way, you lose the least.

In January I learned that my preteen daughter is suicidal. She sent my brother videos detailing what's going on in her life, how she feels, and how she doesn't want to live sometimes.
Prioritize her. Of course, a situation where her mother and the person her mother is with both do drugs is a dangerous situation for her, so don't let that happen.

Last night my best friend since childhood came out as being gay to me. I never would have known. This isn't going to have an impact on our friendship, but I now have to wrestle with that being a conservative, traditional Christian.
Shocker, alright. Is he continuing to follow the Lord, or is he choosing homosexual relationships and/or encounters?
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

St. Helens

I stand with Israel
Christian Forums Staff
Administrator
CF Staff Trainer
Supporter
Jul 24, 2007
59,012
9,666
Lower Slower Minnesota
✟1,216,573.00
Country
United States
Faith
Reformed
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-American-Solidarity
ADMIN HAT ON
As per the SoP of this forum, Christian Advice isn't the place to chastise the member or debate.
Members that chastise or debate may find themselves banned from the thread. Advice needs to be given in a spirit of love and humility.
Lastly please direct your responses to the person who started this thread.

ADMIN HAT OFF
 
Upvote 0