What does the Bible teach about a wife being abused?

Daniel Marsh said:

What does the Bible teach about a wife being abused?

How does it relate to our culture?



Proverbs 22:10 ESV
Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.

Psalm 9:9 ESV
The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Psalm 11:5 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)
5 The Lord examines those who are good and those who are wicked;
he hates those who enjoy hurting others.

The scriptures in the following needs to be checked.

" The Bible views all forms of domestic violence as sin (Malachi 2:16-17; Psalm 11:5; Colossians 3:19), including verbal abuse (Prov. 12:18; Prov. 18:21; Colossians 3:8), and exhorts us to protect ourselves from violent people (Proverbs 27:12; Prov. 11:9). Even in troubled relationships were one is provoked, the Bible speaks out against responding with violence (Ephesians 4:26; Luke 6:45). Furthermore, God’s heart is to deliver the abused (Psalm 5, 7, 10, 140; Acts 14:5). Any form of abuse, then, is unacceptable behavior which directly defies God’s calling for Christ-followers to relate to each other in love. The person who abuses is sinning, the victim who wants to leave, is not in sin. While not everyone has the ability to leave an abusive partner, it is not wrong to attempt to do so if possible, the Bible encourages victims to seek safety (Proverbs 22:3 and 27:12; 1 Samuel 20; Luke 4:28-29; Acts 9:23-25; Matthew 18:15-17)." Restored Relationships

"Husbands are commanded, “Love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19). They are told to “love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it” (Ephesians 5:28–29). The focus of a husband’s Christlikeness in loving his wife is “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25)."
Clarifying Words on Wife Abuse

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One of the implications of this is that heaven...... may well have more women and children than men......... because we guys go into pride and a rather authoritarian attitude...... which is kind of like the principle of it being difficult for the wealthy to make it into heaven.

Even poor men over these last six millennia had power over their women and children..... and we guys.... often did not use that power very well at all......

...I looked at the thrones. I looked at those who were now seated. I could recognize some of the great heroes of the faith, but most of those seated I knew had not even been well known on earth. Many I knew had been missionaries who had expended their lives in obscurity. They had never cared to be remember on earth, but only to Him. I was a bit surprised to see some who had been wealthy, or rulers who had been faithful with what they had been given. However, it seemed that faithful, praying women and mothers occupied more thrones than any other single group." (Rick Joyner, The Final Quest)

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There is no NT teaching that directly pertains. The Law of Moses did not allow women to initiate divorce or retaliate. Basically a godly woman in Bible times just had to endure an abusive relationship, though hopefully, the men of the community would help the abuser get himself under control.

These days, of course, women can divorce, but they don't have to. They can of their own free will stay with their abuser, like the godly women of old.

Peter J Barban said:

These days, of course, women can divorce, but they don't have to. They can of their own free will stay with their abuser, like the godly women of old.

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Staying with your abuser to be abused or even killed while your children look on and learn to do/tolerate the same is not being Godly.

Luke 17:2
It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.

Abuse is a form of unfaithfulness to the marriage voes.
Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."

coffee4u said:

Staying with your abuser to be abused or even killed while your children look on and learn to do/tolerate the same is not being Godly.

Luke 17:2
It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.

Abuse is a form of unfaithfulness to the marriage voes.
Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."

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Some people are willing to suffer and even die in order to please God. They love God more than they love their own lives. All martyrs know this.

Daniel Marsh said:

What does the Bible teach about a wife being abused?

How does it relate to our culture?



Proverbs 22:10 ESV
Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.

Psalm 9:9 ESV
The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Psalm 11:5 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)
5 The Lord examines those who are good and those who are wicked;
he hates those who enjoy hurting others.

The scriptures in the following needs to be checked.

" The Bible views all forms of domestic violence as sin (Malachi 2:16-17; Psalm 11:5; Colossians 3:19), including verbal abuse (Prov. 12:18; Prov. 18:21; Colossians 3:8), and exhorts us to protect ourselves from violent people (Proverbs 27:12; Prov. 11:9). Even in troubled relationships were one is provoked, the Bible speaks out against responding with violence (Ephesians 4:26; Luke 6:45). Furthermore, God’s heart is to deliver the abused (Psalm 5, 7, 10, 140; Acts 14:5). Any form of abuse, then, is unacceptable behavior which directly defies God’s calling for Christ-followers to relate to each other in love. The person who abuses is sinning, the victim who wants to leave, is not in sin. While not everyone has the ability to leave an abusive partner, it is not wrong to attempt to do so if possible, the Bible encourages victims to seek safety (Proverbs 22:3 and 27:12; 1 Samuel 20; Luke 4:28-29; Acts 9:23-25; Matthew 18:15-17)." Restored Relationships

"Husbands are commanded, “Love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19). They are told to “love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it” (Ephesians 5:28–29). The focus of a husband’s Christlikeness in loving his wife is “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25)."
Clarifying Words on Wife Abuse

Click to expand...

Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."


Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Hi daniel,

While I certainly agree that the Scriptures give instruction on how a 'godly' man should treat his wife, let's be sure that we only apply that to the godly man. The problem in our society today, is that we want to make the ungodly live by God's rules. That hasn't ever worked and isn't likely to start working now.

Paul is speaking to men who understand what Christ has done. He even reckons it to their considering Christ in how they treat their wives.

Secondly, surely God does want His children to treat each other in the way that the Scriptures tell them to, and I'm sure would like it if the whole world would treat their spouses as the Scriptures instruct, abuse is not adultery.

Moses' law was clear. Except in the case of adultery. He could have said adultery or violence or verbal abuse...but he didn't. Man's heart is wicked. Who can know it? Just as the Catholic organization strives to impress us with ways in which we can say that a marriage didn't count and so a couple can remarry with God's blessings, we want to strive to find ways that we can sweep whatever reason for which we broke the commitment of our marriages under this umbrella of allowance that Moses gave for the people of Israel to divorce. When we stand before God, I'm confident that neither attempt is going to impress Him.

He said that when you marry, you are joined until death do you part. Moses said that when you divorce, the only exception is adultery. All of our human efforts to mold the word of God to fit within the feeble understanding and rule of man, is merely godlessness. It's really just that simple, but we don't want to believe that in our hearts. It's one of the reasons we know that God's word is true when He tells us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Even those who proclaim to be a part of God's family are wont to accept the word of God in a way that is beneficial to themselves. Trying their best to convince themselves that they aren't really sinners. Everything I do is in keeping with God's word. Even though it says this...this is how I understand it.

So yes, abuse is cruel and abuse can be violent and painful or merely tear at one's heart through unkind words, but abuse is not adultery. Yes, for a believer to be un-Christlike to their spouse is sin. However, just being a sinner was never offered as an excuse for divorce. It's also a two way street. Both the husband and the wife are given instruction in how each one is to treat the other. But either one not keeping their part of the bargain, is still no valid excuse before God, to break the committment of marriage.

I think we're going to be a lot better off in our standing before God if we do as He instructs. Confess our sin and He will be faithful to forgive us our sin. Let's not mock God. Thinking that on the day of judgment we're going to dazzle Him with psychobabble about how 'our sin', wasn't really a sin.

God bless,
In Christ, ted

Daniel Marsh said:

Who said abuse is not adultery?

1 John 4:5-5:4 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)
5 And they belong to the world, so what they say is from the world too. And the world listens to what they say. 6 But we are from God. So the people who know God listen to us. But the people who are not from God don’t listen to us. This is how we know the Spirit that is true and the spirit that is false.

Love Comes From God

7 Dear friends, we should love each other, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has become God’s child. And so everyone who loves knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love to us: He sent his only Son into the world to give us life through him. 10 True love is God’s love for us, not our love for God. He sent his Son as the way to take away our sins.

11 That is how much God loved us, dear friends! So we also must love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us. If we love each other, God’s love has reached its goal—it is made perfect in us.

13 We know that we live in God and God lives in us. We know this because he gave us his Spirit. 14 We have seen that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world, and this is what we tell people now. 15 Anyone who says, “I believe that Jesus is the Son of God,” is a person who lives in God, and God lives in that person. 16 So we know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love.

God is love. Everyone who lives in love lives in God, and God lives in them. 17 If God’s love is made perfect in us, we can be without fear on the day when God judges the world. We will be without fear, because in this world we are like Jesus.[a] 18 Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love takes away fear. It is his punishment that makes a person fear. So his love is not made perfect in the one who has fear.

19 We love because God first loved us. 20 If we say we love God but hate any of our brothers or sisters in his family, we are liars. If we don’t love someone we have seen, how can we love God? We have never even seen him. 21 God gave us this command: If we love God, we must also love each other as brothers and sisters.

God’s Children Win Against the World
5 The people who believe that Jesus is the Messiah are God’s children. Anyone who loves the Father also loves the Father’s children. 2 How do we know that we love God’s children? We know because we love God and we obey his commands. 3 Loving God means obeying his commands. And God’s commands are not too hard for us, 4 because everyone who is a child of God has the power to win against the world.

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I view abuse as adultery, it seems not many do. Obviously it is not sexual adultery with another woman, but it is a type of unfaithfulness to the marriage vows, to the vow to protect and treat his wife like the church.
Also and perhaps I am wrong in this, but I would guess that abusers probably are committing adultery either with other women or by watching inappropriate content. It seems unlikely for an abuser to also be faithful sexually since he views his wife as less than nothing.

1 Timothy 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Providing for can be food and shelter but keeping your family safe could also be included.

1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.


Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Honestly, how can anyone read these verses and think that abuse is okay (physical, emotional or sexual) and that women should simply live with it and accept it? Meanwhile, the male children are learning to be abusers and the female children are learning they must accept abuse as women? How can anyone think God wants that?

Daniel Marsh said:

If a chapter was written about The Perfect Husband, what would it say?

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It would show my picture!