Is it time to end the relationship?

Questioning Brother · Feb 10, 2020

I've been in a relationship for many years. Lately, I have found that I am not getting what I want out of the relationship, Looking back, it has been many years since I was getting what I want out of it. I have talked with the other person about it many times, and they refuse to budge. I ask them to help me out with it, but they brush me off. They tell me everything will be fine, and have generally not shown that they care at all about what I need. So I ask is this a relationship that should continue?

Kris Jordan · Feb 10, 2020

Questioning Brother said:
I've been in a relationship for many years. Lately, I have found that I am not getting what I want out of the relationship, Looking back, it has been many years since I was getting what I want out of it. I have talked with the other person about it many times, and they refuse to budge. I ask them to help me out with it, but they brush me off. They tell me everything will be fine, and have generally not shown that they care at all about what I need. So I ask is this a relationship that should continue?

What type of relationship is it? A marriage? A friendship? A family relationship?

GaveMeJoy · Feb 10, 2020

Does this person bring you closer to Jesus? Do they encourage you in your walk with the Lord and seek to grow with you spiritually? If not then the only decision is to end the relationship gracefully and prayerfully in love.

Its not about what you think you need or want from the relationship, but what you actually need and want, which is Christ. If a significant other does not push you towards Jesus that person is not for you unless you are already married.

Lady Donna Marie · Feb 10, 2020

[QUOTE="Questioning Brother,

Not knowing what kind of a relationship it is I would say if it is not a spouse then maybe stepping back to help your recuperate from the many years of this person not being willing to see your side of things so that you can heal from that relationship.

If it is your spouse then I would suggest to go by yourself and speak with your church leader about the situation and so you don't get so discouraged that you end up doing things you wished you did not do, but instead be encouraged to take steps that will help you instead of hinder you.

Questioning Brother · Feb 10, 2020

Kris Jordan said:
What type of relationship is it?

Friendship.

Kris Jordan · Feb 10, 2020

Questioning Brother said:
Friendship.

Hi Questioning Brother,

Friends come into our lives either for a season or a lifetime. Typically, our "seasonal" friendships are ones that started out being 2-sided but ended as 1-sided - meaning, one person continued pouring into the relationship after the other one stopped.

If you have communicated your concerns to your friend but were met with deaf ears or excuses, there's nothing obligating you to continue the relationship. Trying to force (or hold out for) a "lifetime friendship" with someone who is only a "seasonal one" won't work for either of you.

If you decide to end it, I would have a very transparent and honest conversation with this person letting them know why you're doing what you're doing so they're not left confused about what happened. It won't be easy, but it's necessary.

lismore · Feb 10, 2020

Hello. The bible says that 'Bad company corrupts good character'.

I would say that's the criteria for ending a friendship, is it a bad character you're with. Otherwise I would say be a friend. You don't know what your friend is going through on the inside. God Bless

Questioning Brother · Feb 11, 2020

I have to apologize. I withheld one key piece of information. The friend in my question is God.

Questioning Brother said:
I have found that I am not getting what I want out of the relationship

I want protection. I want almost nothing else from Him except for him to sweep the problems from my life. Without that, I don't really care what else He has to offer. All his words of comfort ("I have overcome..., My Grace is sufficient", etc) mean very very little to me at this point. I don't even really believe His words about His love, because he has made it clear he doesn't care enough to ACTUALLY do anything about the things I need him to take care of (my wife's strokes (yes, multiple), my ever worsening financial situation, the stress form those, etc). Any words He gives me, without acting, are JUST words. His actions (or rather inaction) speaks volumes more than His hollow words.

GaveMeJoy said:
Does this person bring you closer to Jesus? Do they encourage you in your walk with the Lord and seek to grow with you spiritually?

His inaction is driving me further away, not closer. No amount of pain will make me closer to Him. It may make me cry out to Him, but not in faith. It will be in desperation only. I will call out to Him because I have no other viable choice. If I did have another viable choice, I would be there. That is why I pray to God about the problems, because I KNOW the other side could fix it, but it won't be anything I actually want.

Lady Donna Marie · Feb 11, 2020

[QUOTE="Questioning Brother,

We are called to share in suffering because Christ suffers. That's why is says to pick up your cross and follow Him. Not evil passions. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Are you sure you forgot to mention that is was God?

Questioning Brother · Feb 11, 2020

Lady Donna Marie said:
We are called to share in suffering because Christ suffers. That's why is says to pick up your cross and follow Him. Not evil passions. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Are you sure you forgot to mention that is was God?

No, I deliberately withheld that part. Hence the apology.

Lady Donna Marie · Feb 11, 2020

Questioning Brother said:
No, I deliberately withheld that part. Hence the apology.

Wow.

Steve97 · Feb 14, 2020

Questioning Brother said:
I've been in a relationship for many years. Lately, I have found that I am not getting what I want out of the relationship, Looking back, it has been many years since I was getting what I want out of it. I have talked with the other person about it many times, and they refuse to budge. I ask them to help me out with it, but they brush me off. They tell me everything will be fine, and have generally not shown that they care at all about what I need. So I ask is this a relationship that should continue?

Your post is simply too vague to warrant any helpful comment. I am not sure about what you "want" from the relationship that you are not getting.

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Is it time to end the relationship?

Questioning Brother

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Kris Jordan

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GaveMeJoy

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Lady Donna Marie

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Questioning Brother

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Kris Jordan

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lismore

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Questioning Brother

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Lady Donna Marie

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