Is it too late for me?

HTacianas

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Yes. You can come back. And you are also right about Hebrews 6.

The matter came up during the last Roman Persecutions. The question was, is a person who denied Christ under persecution and worshipped the image of the Emperor to be readmitted to the Church. The Church answered that the person could be readmitted after a period of penance.

Chrismation - Wikipedia
 
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Marumorose

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May God Bless you
This is a prayer i give to you for repentance

Jesus, I know you are the son of God
Jesus, i know that you died on the cross for me
I know that you came to destroy the works of the devil
Lord Jesus i come to you and ask you to come into my heart
and set me free from satanic bondage
Forgive me Lord for all my sins
and forgive everyone who has wronged me
I ask for freedom
And i take you as my Lord and saviour
And fill me with the Holy Spirit
At this moment i renounce everything
Thank you God for hearing my prayer
Amen
 
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Aussie Pete

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Have you really tasted the powers of the age to come? Were you truly a partaker of the Holy Spirit? There is a difference between those who have crucified to themselves afresh the Lord and those who are like the prodigal son. The fact that it bothers you is a sign that you can be brought to repentance. 2 Timothy 2:24-26 declares that. God is not willing that any should perish, so you can be sure that it is God's will to save you. Ask Him. Tell Him that you know that you have sinned and that you are not worthy to be saved - that's easy, no one is worthy. Ask Him to show you mercy and give you grace. Ask Him to grant you repentance.
 
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Euodius

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St. Mary of Egypt was baptized as a Child, yet she fled her family to, uh, prostitute herself out without requiring pay, but she repented and by the manly strength by which she repented she became one of our most revered Saints. There are many such examples in the lives of the Saints. I'm not saying you have to go out into the dessert, but return to the Church and submit to a spiritual confessor. The Church is here to heal.
 
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Light of the East

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St. Mary of Egypt was baptized as a Child, yet she fled her family to, uh, prostitute herself out without requiring pay, but she repented and by the manly strength by which she repented she became one of our most revered Saints. There are many such examples in the lives of the Saints. I'm not saying you have to go out into the dessert, but return to the Church and submit to a spiritual confessor. The Church is here to heal.

The Church is here to heal, not to condemn. Remember that thoughts of condemnation always come from the same source - the evil one who hates us. Remember the Prodigal Son, who never stopped being a son, despite deeply and vilely insulting, abusing, and rejecting his father's love. Remember the father of the Prodigal, who spent time just looking off into the distance where his son was last seen, waiting until that day that he saw the boy trudging home, and then gathered his robes about him (which was something that was considered beneath the dignity of a man in those days) and ran to the boy.

THAT is our heavenly Father.
THAT is your Father, for you never stopped being a son.
 
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buzuxi02

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You need to.m speak with your priest or spiritual confessor as to what penance maybe required. Canon 11 of Nicea:

Canon 11
Concerning those who have fallen without compulsion, without the spoiling of their property, without danger or the like, as happened during the tyranny of Licinius, the Synod declares that, though they have deserved no clemency, they shall be dealt with mercifully. As many as were communicants, if they heartily repent, shall pass three years among the hearers; for seven years they shall be prostrators; and for two years they shall communicate with the people in prayers, but without oblation.
 
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ILiekCatz

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I would like to thank you all for your kind replies and your guidance.

You need to.m speak with your priest or spiritual confessor as to what penance maybe required. Canon 11 of Nicea:

Canon 11
Concerning those who have fallen without compulsion, without the spoiling of their property, without danger or the like, as happened during the tyranny of Licinius, the Synod declares that, though they have deserved no clemency, they shall be dealt with mercifully. As many as were communicants, if they heartily repent, shall pass three years among the hearers; for seven years they shall be prostrators; and for two years they shall communicate with the people in prayers, but without oblation.

that... would be a bit of an issue. i was raised in a family that was more on the 'cultural christian' side, the kind that goes to church maybe two to three times a year and has only read bits of the Scripture. I am not judging my parents or criticizing them, I am just neutrally stating the facts. I'm not in my home country anymore, and all the local churches here in Germany are Russian, and I am a non-Slavic orthodox. Everything is done in Russian in there, so I fear a linguistic barrier. There are no churches of my nationality in here that I am aware of. I'm going to go to my home country in the summer though. Maybe I should wait out 'til then so that there are no misunderstandings?
 
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Tolworth John

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I am an apostate/ex-apostate. According to this, no repentance is enough for me. So what should I do?

I cannot comment on orthodox theology and practices, but the verse you quote are about those who have no desire to repent.
That is clearly not true of you. May I suggest two things.
Tell God what you really desire of him and second take the advice of the orthodox guys here who tell you to talk to a priest.
 
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AMM

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I would like to thank you all for your kind replies and your guidance.



that... would be a bit of an issue. i was raised in a family that was more on the 'cultural christian' side, the kind that goes to church maybe two to three times a year and has only read bits of the Scripture. I am not judging my parents or criticizing them, I am just neutrally stating the facts. I'm not in my home country anymore, and all the local churches here in Germany are Russian, and I am a non-Slavic orthodox. Everything is done in Russian in there, so I fear a linguistic barrier. There are no churches of my nationality in here that I am aware of. I'm going to go to my home country in the summer though. Maybe I should wait out 'til then so that there are no misunderstandings?
I agree with Fr Matt, and I'll also say - if you contact your local priest and explain the language concerns, he might know of a nearby church/priest that might use German in addition to slavonic or something like that. But definitely get in touch with a priest, you can't go wrong there
 
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OP: it's a long story, but I fell away from Orthodoxy into Eastern Catholicism for almost a year. It is by no means something I was proud of nor am I to this day, but God used it to teach both my priest and myself something while building me up stronger. I have never looked back. I never will. My feet are nailed to the floor boards of Orthodoxy. I'm a Reader now and take that blessed ordination very very seriously. God loved me and brought me home. It's time for you to come back.....and without the guilt!

Satan uses our past sin and the guilt therein to make us think we're not reconciled. Don't fall into that trap! Call your priest, set up a confession and counseling and a good talk with him. And welcome home!
 
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Dorothea

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So was I -- baptized at age one, grew up not really in the church, went off on wrong paths in my early twenties because didn't know any better. Came back in my mid twenties. Was received via confession and attended catechism classes with hubby. No problem. You're fine.
 
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