Orthodox approach to teaching kids about *real* sex

Ignatius21 said:

My oldest son is getting to an age (soon 12) where school-sanctioned/mandated "education" about sex, relationships and the like will be coming. He's thankfully (to God!) grown up in a home where his parents are married, there's no abuse, no addictions, no affairs, and no cable TV -- both sets of grandparents are also still married. So, again thankfully, our kids' ideas of what constitutes "normal" is at least well-adjusted.

When I was 12 my parents gave me an anatomy textbook and told me to read it. So the physical act of reproduction was taught alongside the heart and lungs, from a purely clinical perspective -- which definitely dispelled much of the junk I heard other adolescents spreading around school.

Anyways I've been trying to look for a book that explains sex, in the context of marriage and healthy relationships, preferably from a Christian perspective -- but one that hopefully isn't cheesy. And unfortunately, many of the Christian-branded books of this nature are pretty hokey, even the photography on the covers is bad. And it's all from an Evangelical slant.

He's the sort who really internalizes things he's read, hence the book approach.

So, does anyone have any recommendations?

I'm certain that whatever he starts getting through school is going to be half-baked at best, destructive at worst, and I want him to know the truth so he can filter out the nonsense he'll be surrounded with.

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Ignatius21 said:

My oldest son is getting to an age (soon 12) where school-sanctioned/mandated "education" about sex, relationships and the like will be coming. He's thankfully (to God!) grown up in a home where his parents are married, there's no abuse, no addictions, no affairs, and no cable TV -- both sets of grandparents are also still married. So, again thankfully, our kids' ideas of what constitutes "normal" is at least well-adjusted.

When I was 12 my parents gave me an anatomy textbook and told me to read it. So the physical act of reproduction was taught alongside the heart and lungs, from a purely clinical perspective -- which definitely dispelled much of the junk I heard other adolescents spreading around school.

Anyways I've been trying to look for a book that explains sex, in the context of marriage and healthy relationships, preferably from a Christian perspective -- but one that hopefully isn't cheesy. And unfortunately, many of the Christian-branded books of this nature are pretty hokey, even the photography on the covers is bad. And it's all from an Evangelical slant.

He's the sort who really internalizes things he's read, hence the book approach.

So, does anyone have any recommendations?

I'm certain that whatever he starts getting through school is going to be half-baked at best, destructive at worst, and I want him to know the truth so he can filter out the nonsense he'll be surrounded with.

Click to expand...

ILiekCatz said:

ah, this is a hard thing to give advice on, especially over the internet. after all, I do not know you/your personality, your son and his personality, and how you two interact with one another. i'm not even a parent, but I will make an attempt at giving advice from the perspective of a child (i'm in my 20, but i have vivid memories of my early teen years). first of all, you need to understand that in one way or another, your son knows about sex, either from his friends or the internet. it was like that for me. (side note: i'm from eastern europe. we don't really have "the talk" with our parents over here. you don't really talk with your parents about sex til you are in your 20s).

with that in head, i would say that the best way to explain sex to him is to start by telling him that you know he knows at least something about it, then be as clinical about it as you can. regarding topics as sex and marriage, or inappropriate contentography and masturbation, i'd advise using rationalist arguments alongside biblical ones.

regarding marriage, tell him that marriage is a society-building institution. after all, the vast, vast majority of human societies had marriage, even tribal ones, even non-Christian ones. tell him of the simple fact that before DNA tests there was no sure-fire way to know the kid was yours as a man, and that is why virginity until marriage is important (you do not want to raise the child of another man, do you?).

regarding masturbation and inappropriate contentography, tell him that inappropriate contentography affects your brain in a similar way that addictive drugs do. tell him that masturbation makes you lose focus, and drops your testosterone levels. go into the ethical side of inappropriate contentography, about how at the end of the day it is just glorified prostitution, human trafficking and even rapine.

i'll give you some videos on this topic:

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ILiekCatz said:

regarding marriage, tell him that marriage is a society-building institution. after all, the vast, vast majority of human societies had marriage, even tribal ones, even non-Christian ones. tell him of the simple fact that before DNA tests there was no sure-fire way to know the kid was yours as a man, and that is why virginity until marriage is important (you do not want to raise the child of another man, do you?).

Click to expand...

Ignatius21 said:

My oldest son is getting to an age (soon 12) where school-sanctioned/mandated "education" about sex, relationships and the like will be coming. He's thankfully (to God!) grown up in a home where his parents are married, there's no abuse, no addictions, no affairs, and no cable TV -- both sets of grandparents are also still married. So, again thankfully, our kids' ideas of what constitutes "normal" is at least well-adjusted.

When I was 12 my parents gave me an anatomy textbook and told me to read it. So the physical act of reproduction was taught alongside the heart and lungs, from a purely clinical perspective -- which definitely dispelled much of the junk I heard other adolescents spreading around school.

Anyways I've been trying to look for a book that explains sex, in the context of marriage and healthy relationships, preferably from a Christian perspective -- but one that hopefully isn't cheesy. And unfortunately, many of the Christian-branded books of this nature are pretty hokey, even the photography on the covers is bad. And it's all from an Evangelical slant.

He's the sort who really internalizes things he's read, hence the book approach.

So, does anyone have any recommendations?

I'm certain that whatever he starts getting through school is going to be half-baked at best, destructive at worst, and I want him to know the truth so he can filter out the nonsense he'll be surrounded with.

Click to expand...

In his chapter "barren intercourse" the author tries to use Chrysostom to defend the fundamental difference between "artificial" contraception and "natural" family planning (NFP). Indeed the fact that according to saint John Crysostom the primary purpose of marriage is chastity and not procreation would authorise a lack of procreative intent in marital intercourse where NFP can find a moral justification. But:
1 A lack of procreative intent is not exactly the same thing as an active attempt to avoid conception (whether naturally or not), i. e. NFP is not just sexual fasting but it is a method to prevent procreation.
2 I don't know how to reconcile NFP with what Father Trenham says elsewhere, for example p. 218: "The consistent link between desire/pleasure and procreation is emphasized by Chrysostom on many occasions. Those would separate the two realities, something which Chrysostom says that cannot be done, must invent a new perspective on desire and pleasure [...] In Chrysostom's mind, blessed pleasure can never be separated from its corresponding pain (childbirth and rearing), nor from its God-intended purpose (marital unity via the procreation of children-the concrete one flesh)".

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