i don't even want to anymore

quintessentialramble · Feb 2, 2020

Why bother. I grew up non christian for 20 years and had very little problems, and Christians have been the most devastating and difficult people in my life. I've developed schizophrenia, depression, bipolar, and suicidal tendencies---and ALL of it are consequences from Christians who completely despise me. if this was simply one church, I would have chalked it up to a fluke. No, this is church after church after church. I'm so sick of it. 1 week of church when my only Christian friend dumps me and leaves me searching on my own. Zero help. Tried some different churches...in one church a coworker told me to leave. Tried another where a girl told the pastor if I attended she would leave, and the pastor said he was on my side but because she was a girl asked me to leave until she left. Then a pastor's family comes to be and calls me barely tolerable, blocks me, and when I try apologizing and working things out, he says my feelings are not his responsibility---WHAT? This is the end of the line. I'm about to go put these churches on blast and let the whole world know exactly what's up. It's time to confront these liars.

Tone · Feb 2, 2020

May Abba Yah, send you some real Spirit-Filled Believers who truly love each other as the Messiah instructed us to. Amen.

I am sorry that you have had such an experience within churchianity...just because a group of people call themselves "a Church" doesn't mean they are indeed Yah Breathed Believers in Yahshua ha Mashiach.

Maybe try this place:

Fellowship Finder | 119 Ministries

I just recommended it to my little cousin, who is desperately seeking the Good Shepherd, as he is one of the lost sheep of the House of Israel.

Shalom brother.

-T1

*
“I will surely assemble all of you, O Jacob, I will surely gather the remnant of Israel; I will put them together like sheep of the fold, Like a flock in the midst of their pasture; They shall make a loud noise because of so many people." - Micah 2:12

Tigger45 · Feb 2, 2020

God’s blessings bro :pray:

jasonMalloy1999 · Feb 2, 2020

remember jesus said some pople are wolf in sheeps clothing IM NOT SAYING THEY ARE NOT CHRISTIANS but im saying its not appropriate for leaving you i know its hard my family and friends are going to hell but the only family that arent is me my unborn bro or sis and my 3 week old uncle who passed struggle myself but jesus is there for you we in the forums are here for you i dont go to church this forums my church basically dont worry jesus has your back we have your back

jasonMalloy1999 · Feb 2, 2020

remember jesus said some pople are wolf in sheeps clothing IM NOT SAYING THEY ARE NOT CHRISTIANS but im saying its not appropriate for leaving you i know its hard my family and friends are going to hell but the only family that arent is me my unborn bro or sis and my 3 week old uncle who passed struggle myself but jesus is there for you we in the forums are here for you i dont go to church this forums my church basically dont worry jesus has your back we have your back

dzheremi · Feb 2, 2020

Lord have mercy.

Why are all of these people telling you to leave? That's awful. I'm so sorry that this has been your experience so far. That sort of thing should not be happening anywhere. I don't pull the "no true Christian" card if I can help it, but there are certain things that are kind of a 'red flag' for a particular parish/congregation/community, and definitely being rude to visitors is one of them. I really cannot imagine ever telling a visitor to leave. That is truly reprehensible.

Again, Lord have mercy.

pdudgeon · Feb 2, 2020

quintessentialramble said:
Why bother. I grew up non christian for 20 years and had very little problems, and Christians have been the most devastating and difficult people in my life. I've developed schizophrenia, depression, bipolar, and suicidal tendencies---and ALL of it are consequences from Christians who completely despise me. if this was simply one church, I would have chalked it up to a fluke. No, this is church after church after church. I'm so sick of it. 1 week of church when my only Christian friend dumps me and leaves me searching on my own. Zero help. Tried some different churches...in one church a coworker told me to leave. Tried another where a girl told the pastor if I attended she would leave, and the pastor said he was on my side but because she was a girl asked me to leave until she left. Then a pastor's family comes to be and calls me barely tolerable, blocks me, and when I try apologizing and working things out, he says my feelings are not his responsibility---WHAT? This is the end of the line. I'm about to go put these churches on blast and let the whole world know exactly what's up. It's time to confront these liars.

since you've quoted medical diagnosis' I am going to assume that you are under medical care for these symptoms?
If not, may I suggest that be your next step in finding help?
Most churches can offer spiritual help, or offer to pray for you, but at this point it sounds like you need more help than they are equipped to offer.

God is good · Feb 2, 2020

quintessentialramble said:
Why bother. I grew up non christian for 20 years and had very little problems, and Christians have been the most devastating and difficult people in my life. I've developed schizophrenia, depression, bipolar, and suicidal tendencies---and ALL of it are consequences from Christians who completely despise me. if this was simply one church, I would have chalked it up to a fluke. No, this is church after church after church. I'm so sick of it. 1 week of church when my only Christian friend dumps me and leaves me searching on my own. Zero help. Tried some different churches...in one church a coworker told me to leave. Tried another where a girl told the pastor if I attended she would leave, and the pastor said he was on my side but because she was a girl asked me to leave until she left. Then a pastor's family comes to be and calls me barely tolerable, blocks me, and when I try apologizing and working things out, he says my feelings are not his responsibility---WHAT? This is the end of the line. I'm about to go put these churches on blast and let the whole world know exactly what's up. It's time to confront these liars.

I am sorry you had to go through that. Jesus loves you and it's God we can trust, not our selves because we're all sinners and none of us represents Jesus perfectly. You are important to God and He loves you.

tall73 · Feb 2, 2020

quintessentialramble said:
I've developed schizophrenia, depression, bipolar, and suicidal tendencies---and ALL of it are consequences from Christians who completely despise me.

I don't know much about the medical side of things. Do people develop schizophrenia due to other people's actions? I understand stress can be a trigger, however.

quintessentialramble · Feb 2, 2020

tall73 said:
I don't know much about the medical side of things. Do people develop schizophrenia due to other people's actions? I understand stress can be a trigger, however.

I am not sure if you have schizophrenia and then something triggers the hallucinations or if something triggers schizophrenic moments. There's also schizophrenic bipolar...which is hallucinating at extreme emotions---this is probably closer to me but it's hard to diagnose. But what I do know is none of this mental health stuff started until I went to church...and every single trigger has been as a response to Christians hurting me in some way.

tall73 · Feb 2, 2020

quintessentialramble said:
I am not sure if you have schizophrenia and then something triggers the hallucinations or if something triggers schizophrenic moments. There's also schizophrenic bipolar...which is hallucinating at extreme emotions---this is probably closer to me but it's hard to diagnose. But what I do know is none of this mental health stuff started until I went to church...and every single trigger has been as a response to Christians hurting me in some way.

Sorry to hear. How old were you when you started going to churches?

Has there been any consistent theme to why they seem to turn against you?

quintessentialramble · Feb 2, 2020

started at 20. not sure on the general common denominator; however the first church and the one with the pastor's family both seemed to think I was annoying. I can find myself using social media too much; however I am generally unaware...and the context in which something can be annoying is subjective, so I really have no idea in what way to change if thats the case.

Jeshu · Feb 2, 2020

i have schizo affective disorder and understand a little what you are saying as i have been unable to go to Church for health reasons for many years. i know there are some toxic people inside of our Churches, as a matter of fact they are everywhere, it is best to stay away from them.

However i have met some good Christian people as well. People who love and care and make sure that you feel loved and wanted. Sure they have been a minority but that is because we suffer from mental illness and most people cannot cope with people who are mentally ill, that is not only true for the Churches.

i suggest you forgive those people who have hurt you so badly and caused you so many triggers from the heart, so that your own sins will also be forgiven. Please don't build on the bad life these people build into you but rather let Christ remove it from you and set you free from the bitterness and hurt. Please seek out good God and neighbour loving people and strike up fellowship with them.

Build your life on love for God and neighbour and let His Holy Spirit remove all the negative forces you find in your life today. Honest a life build on God's loving grace can survive mental illness and even those loveless people in God's Churches.

Let go of your bad life by trading it for good life with Jesus that is how He put my life in order. i brought Him my bad life, one by one, and He overcame it with His loving truth and set me free from my afflictions.

peace.

quintessentialramble · Feb 2, 2020

Jeshu said:
i have schizo affective disorder and understand a little what you are saying as i have been unable to go to Church for health reasons for many years. i know there are some toxic people inside of our Churches, as a matter of fact they are everywhere, it is best to stay away from them.

However i have met some good Christian people as well. People who love and care and make sure that you feel loved and wanted. Sure they have been a minority but that is because we suffer from mental illness and most people cannot cope with people who are mentally ill, that is not only true for the Churches.

i suggest you forgive those people who have hurt you so badly and caused you so many triggers from the heart, so that your own sins will also be forgiven. Please don't build on the bad life these people build into you but rather let Christ remove it from you and set you free from the bitterness and hurt. Please seek out good God and neighbour loving people and strike up fellowship with them.

Build your life on love for God and neighbour and let His Holy Spirit remove all the negative forces you find in your life today. Honest a life build on God's loving grace can survive mental illness and even those loveless people in God's Churches.

Let go of your bad life by trading it for good life with Jesus that is how He put my life in order. i brought Him my bad life, one by one, and He overcame it with His loving truth and set me free from my afflictions.

peace.

I am not saying every single Christian is like this--there definitely are a select few who are great---but that is a very, very small amount---when it should be abundant. Why force church gathering worship with one great family and 20 others who try to hurt you? doesn't make sense to me.

Jeshu · Feb 2, 2020

quintessentialramble said:
I am not saying every single Christian is like this--there definitely are a select few who are great---but that is a very, very small amount---when it should be abundant. Why force church gathering worship with one great family and 20 others who try to hurt you? doesn't make sense to me.

It is for people to learn to love, most people are unaware that they often don't love. It is a journey. People like us challenge such people to respond. If we keep being loving and kind even though they are not then we heap coals upon their heads and the Holy Spirit will convict them.

It is easy to see the sins of those who sin against us but can we overcome such sin with God's grace or do we succumb to it and harbour lots of unloving thoughts and feelings against our brothers and sisters in Christ?

i wailed the people of the Church to God and you know what He said? "Welcome to My nightmare!" Now i know that God suffers the lovelessness among His people more deeply than any one. For without love we are also without God for God is love. How must this hurt our Heavenly Father and Brother that people refuse to heed His love and follow loveless voice instead? And so i found fellowship with God in my hurt.

Tone · Feb 2, 2020

We could never reciprocate His Love for us, as we dwell in these bodies of death, yet, He still loves us unconditionally, whether we welcome Him with open arms at all times or not.

May we continue to love and forgive one another continuously, being filled with His Holy Breath. Amen.

crossnote · Feb 2, 2020

quintessentialramble said:
Why bother. I grew up non christian for 20 years and had very little problems, and Christians have been the most devastating and difficult people in my life. I've developed schizophrenia, depression, bipolar, and suicidal tendencies---and ALL of it are consequences from Christians who completely despise me. if this was simply one church, I would have chalked it up to a fluke. No, this is church after church after church. I'm so sick of it. 1 week of church when my only Christian friend dumps me and leaves me searching on my own. Zero help. Tried some different churches...in one church a coworker told me to leave. Tried another where a girl told the pastor if I attended she would leave, and the pastor said he was on my side but because she was a girl asked me to leave until she left. Then a pastor's family comes to be and calls me barely tolerable, blocks me, and when I try apologizing and working things out, he says my feelings are not his responsibility---WHAT? This is the end of the line. I'm about to go put these churches on blast and let the whole world know exactly what's up. It's time to confront these liars.

Yet all this doesn't change the fact that Jesus died for your/our sins and rose bodily from the dead.

i don't even want to anymore

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