I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering in such ways at the moment. However, I will come back to this matter later.
What talents are you unable to use at the moment, that you could if you were fully able-bodied?
What teachings specifically, my friend?
You don't need to earn a lot of money to give to charity. Good works can include a listening ear, advice in time of need, encouragement, being a peace maker and helping those who suffer. But, if you want to give financially, a small amount means more than no amount. Whatever you can give (even if in your eyes it's pathetic), give and do so joyfully. It's the act and not the amount which is important to Him.
It's a possibility. But this depends on your past, your heart and your motives. Sometimes the Father needs to discipline us severely, if we are on the wrong path. But anyone should rather discipline in this life than no part in the next.
You mention degrading and humiliation. Do you think that pride is an issue for you? If not, why do you think these things come to mind?
Yes, I think you and God need to have a good talk. It's no good you pretending to praise and worship when inside you feel confusion and resentment. He sees your thoughts like He hears your words.
Are you familiar with the prophets Jonah and Habakkuk? Here were two prophets who opened their heart to God and had arguments with Him! The point I'm trying to make is that you need to vocalise exactly how you feel, with all your anger and resentment, to God - completely openly. He doesn't crave or need orchestrated words which you think sound good and right. He doesn't want honesty, transparity and the "elephant in the room" to be addressed.
Therefore, if you haven't had a rant towards God, I encourage you to do so. Don't worry, He isn't so easily offended by a child who is hurt and upset. He is more likely to be offended at disingenuous communication though.
Don't get caught up in terms and definitions from the church. When you are ready, these things will come naturally to you.
The beginning of understanding this is to learn and understand to Fear Yahweh. Then after this has been understood in totality, true praise and worship will come naturally - and with much passion - not an insincere hands in the air singing a "Hillsong" tune.
Haha, don't be silly. That's your flesh talking.
Not so my friend. Someone who is hard-hearted doesn't recognise it. You have a heart for others though which is a genuinely good sign. I'll come back to this.
Man, I feel you. You must feel drained and at the end of your tether. I wish I could pray to help you but I don't feel like that would resolve it. Not because He is unable, but because there may be something in this situation which needs to be overcome first. Besides, I don't believe I was gifted with the Spiritual gifts of intercession or healing! But I can offer some advice and hopefully something in my ramblings will help you...
1. Reestablishing the basics
I would recommend the following reading plan for you to reestablish the basics. Every Christian should do this regularly, as we can get caught up in Church theology or other meatier topics.
- Ecclesiastes
- Mark
- Romans
- 1 Peter
If you have any questions on these books, please feel free to let me know and I will help you if I can.
Please also read this page if you are feeling very heavy hearted, which should hopefully encourage you if you feel depression is taking hold.
www.faithandtheword.com/bother/withlife/
2. Opening the floodgates
As I mentioned above, and if you haven't already, let God know exactly how you feel. Don't bother with niceties, but be honest, raw and let your resentment out clearly. You shouldn't expect an answer back, but you can expect this to clear the air between you two.
3. Service
You type and you do it well. You can begin to serve God from this very hour in doing so. Will it be an empathetic ear to others on the forum (for you can relate to pain)? Will you perhaps be offering them advice? Maybe you'll start a blog to share your thoughts, life and ideas? Maybe a book?
You don't need an able body to serve Him, only willingness. Take me for example. You know nothing about my health or condition. I'm effectively just words on a page to you, but we are still connecting and we are still discussing Him in depth. Perhaps Yahweh is working through to reach you, perhaps not. But either way, I am a ready and willing "conduit" for Him to work through, as can you be now, from this very hour.
4. Health
I don't know why Yahweh has allowed this ailment upon you. Whatever the cause and origin, He knows you have "this" now.
Without knowing more about your life, your past and your heart it would be foolish for me to give you specific advice. That said, I do feel that an issue surrounding your understanding of the Gospel, Yahweh and the Word of God. Not a bad, horrific issue, but rather one on unfamiliarity.
I've been a Christian for about 15 years and I still consider myself and amateur in the Word. The more time you invest in it, the more it opens up to you and reveals it's riches. This is part of "seeking Him with all your heart". Therefore, as you wait for the cause of this Health problem to reveal itself - stay in the Word. Approach it as if personally handed to you by Yahweh and study it as if it were for a University degree - with the same diligence, effort and "consuming" appetite. The rewards will amaze you. Only remember to do one thing as you do this - forget every preconceived idea you have on the Bible.
Check out this page for encouragement on how to get the most out of reading the Word.
www.faithandtheword.com/bother/withreading/
Besides that, forgive anyone you may hold a grudge against (Including God and yourself), learn to be thankful in the small things and humble yourself. If you continue to do these things - healing can come, as I have witnessed in others with serious ailments.
Love & Shalom
T.
