The 2 things I'm looking for in a girlfriend

1. Strong Catholic faith--my faith is the most important thing to me, and I need someone who can share that.

2. A mentality of "We'll make this work"

I've made long lists of traits I'm looking for; I've made short lists; I've shared one on here & received some good feedback. But lists are hard to remember, and while I think it was helpful to write down my priorities & see them more clearly, I'm much happier with the list I posted above. If the girl I like starts coming to Daily Mass & my time of prayer with me, I know that she'll acquire the other traits of patience, understanding, and so forth, as they are literally fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5). If she doesn't, I can't share what's most important to me, and that'll end it before it begins. And the mindset of finding ways to make the relationship work is necessary for any long marriage, so it should be present in the dating stage; looking for someone with a certain personality is doomed to fail, as personalities change, and it's really not as important as just appreciating someone. As a common phrase goes,

"I married her because I loved her. Now I love her because I married her."

There's a key thing missing here; complexity. I love how beautifully simple God's plans can be! Why have I made this so hard in the past? I just need someone to share my faith in the God who is the source of all love, and I'm coming into this as someone who wants to make it work out well, and expecting her to do the same.

That being said, there are 4 very practical things to also keep in mind, things that I've heard are potential dealbreakers in any relationship:

• Faith
• Finances
• Family (how many kids, how extended families cooperate, etc.)
• Intimacy issues (birth control, natural family planning, Josephite marriage, etc.)

And I would add "Where to live" to the list as well.

In any case, those are things that will be found out during dating; perhaps she (whoever "she" may be) hasn't quite decided on some of these issues yet. Perhaps I haven't! But dating is here for a reason, and I'll just finish this sentence to make a really disappointing conclusion.

Thoughts?

May God continue to bless us all, and may we all be graced with peace & hope & spiritual growth during our period of singleness!

Tone said:

*The two things I'm looking for in a girlfriend are...1)Wo...2)man...

**I know...needs work...lots...

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Alright, my real answer's in the original post; now it's time to build off yours & give the sarcastic answer:

The 3 things I'm looking for in a girlfriend: Female, straight, single! If she isn't all 3 of those, it ain't gonna work!

Tone said:

Well, that would be a holy person, in my opinion...I use the word "holy" to mean set apart for His purpose.

So, I look for a woman who is an instrument of good works--to me, this is holy.

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LaBèlla said:

Holiness wouldn’t convey relatability to a prospective suitor. And that’s the trait I’m seeking.

Sanctification doesn’t automatically make someone relatable. The former is a process and the latter is a way of being.

~Bella

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I think we're just saying the same thing in different ways here, though I do appreciate admittance to faults being mentioned. I haven't figured out details yet, but whenever God thinks it's time for my next relationship, I want to start by saying "I'm not going to be the perfect boyfriend. I'm going to forget things that are important to you, I won't always notice when I should be doing things differently, and I'm sure other issues will arise. I can't promise perfection, but I can promise effort; please help me out with good communication & patience, and I promise to treat you the same. We can make this work, and I want to see this through to marriage, or at least a better understanding of who I should marry. Is that okay?"

I haven't figured out the exact words, and if I speak them instead of writing them, I'm sure it will be different anyway.

Thank you for your input, and may God continue to bless us all!

ReesePiece23 said:

Absolutely critical for me this. I'm an optimist, I can NOT live with anyone who is a defeatist.

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I'm not sure if I'd consider myself an optimist, but a defeatist mentality is certainly a self-fulfilling prophesy. Another thing I've heard from longtime marriage counselors is that couples may have all sorts of similarities & differences from each other; some may seem like the same person, some may be completely different, some may be in between. The only thing that seems to ensure the success of a long marriage is how much they're willing to invest to make work. This is also what I've heard about cultures with arranged marriages; in the US, where we choose our mate, we have a far lower rate of a successful marriage (where the married couple would say that they want their children to have the same sort of marriage they do) than the Southeast Asian nations with arranged marriage, because they go into it wanting to do everything they can to find the good in the person they're with & doing what they can to make it work.

LaBèlla said:

There’s a sincerity in your response that’s refreshing. Your respect and willingness to serve are evident. That’s very appealing. You’ll find her.

~Bella

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I appreciate the optimism; thank you for sharing your kindness!

Also, I want to say that I love the profile pictures you use; the dramatic black-and-white shots are always cool.