"Fake it 'til you make it?"

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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It says somewhere in the Bible (can't remember where) that we should be careful of our thoughts as our thoughts determine our whole life. So if you are having negative thoughts, then the only way to get rid of them is by replacing them with good thoughts. If you have to fake it until it feels real then that's what to do. So if you see your worst enemy in the street for example and your first instinct is totally negative and you want to react that way, then by all means fake a smile and the reaction you will get will no doubt be positive which in turn ill make you feel good. Life is all cause and effect. Negativity attracts more negativity and positivity attracts more positivity. So I say fake it until eventually you don't have to fake it no more as it will just feel so good. Start each day with gratitude and this tends to wipe out negativity.

derpytia said:

Just some personal experience.

If I ever tell someone that I'm not okay I get one of two responses (unless they are super close to me):
1) "Oh, I'm sorry. Just have more faith and trust God more and your depression and anxiety will lift! You just gotta put your trust in God!" - completely invalidates my feelings and makes them my fault and a source of shame.
2) "Oh, yikes. Well anyway -- [here they proceed to rapidly change the subject]. - shows that they were just asking not because they really cared to know if I was doing alright but as a formality. Also shows that they are clearly not comfortable with things and people who are not fine.

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@derpytia Well I like simply to recommend suitable Bible passages to encourage people. Psalm 46 is a great passage reminding us of God's strength, and the believer's refuge; and His peace amidst the storms of life...

LovebirdsFlying said:

And even if they did ask, "How are you feeling?" the plain truth is that most people couldn't care less about it. That's where I struggle.

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the thing is almost everyone is struggling with something at any given time


whenever we greet anyone & if they're don't "seem" interested in how we are, could be they're struggling

not everyone will share they're going through something

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

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Fake it til you make it is the pattern of the world, we can do better Romans 12.

I found your thread schocking to me. As a Christian we are not supposed to fake it, we would be bringing dishonor to God by doing this. As He is truth, and cannot lie. He also hates lies, and to fake it means to not being truthful.

Ephesians 5:1

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children"

Some days we will feel different, but our feelings shouldn't be too much relied on. Yet we are allowed to feel sad, angry, and we cannot go through life without encountering difficulties... though there is nothing wrong in being honest about it. God wants us to come before Him completely honest, putting everything out before Him.

Even though the people you talk about aren't close to you, you win much more by being honest. You don't need to tell them everything, but you do can say you are going through a hard time. And even if they wouldn't understand, then you are honoring God by remaining truthful. Pleasing God should come first before pleasing people, as He sees and hears everything, what you do, say and think is very important to Him.

When you get closer to God in relationship, and the more your mind gets renewed by His Word, the more you will learn managing your feelings better. And most of all; You will be quicker reminded of the way God thinks, when applying His Word more into your life.

John 8:32

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

We are promised this through Jesus Christ who died for us on the cross, He arose from the grave bodily and did conquer death and the devil! And He is sitting on the right hand of God on the throne.

I am reminded of this bible verse which I also find special, I read this two days ago, as I am reading in Revelation right now.

Revelation 3:21

"To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne."

I'd recommend you do as it is written in 2 Corinthians 13:5 by Paul and Timothy;

"Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you? unless indeed you are disqualified."

Hannah Griffin said:

It says somewhere in the Bible (can't remember where) that we should be careful of our thoughts as our thoughts determine our whole life. So if you are having negative thoughts, then the only way to get rid of them is by replacing them with good thoughts. If you have to fake it until it feels real then that's what to do. So if you see your worst enemy in the street for example and your first instinct is totally negative and you want to react that way, then by all means fake a smile and the reaction you will get will no doubt be positive which in turn ill make you feel good. Life is all cause and effect. Negativity attracts more negativity and positivity attracts more positivity. So I say fake it until eventually you don't have to fake it no more as it will just feel so good. Start each day with gratitude and this tends to wipe out negativity.

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Hi; Philippians 4.8 is a great verse about the believer's thoughts.

Hannah Griffin said:

It says somewhere in the Bible (can't remember where) that we should be careful of our thoughts as our thoughts determine our whole life.

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Proverbs 4:23

"Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life."

LovebirdsFlying said:

Want to know what's ironic?

Yesterday when I went to church, I wasn't in a real good frame of mind, so I sat near the exit in case I had to leave suddenly. That's not where I normally sit, but I was doing well just to show up.

So the pastor walks by me and, well, I must have looked more sour than I intended to. He points to the corners of his mouth, gesturing "smile" to me. I reminded him (not in a grumpy tone of voice, but a neutral one) that he himself had advised me not to fake it.

"Oh, are you not feeling well?"
"Not really."
"I hope you feel better soon."
"Thank you."

That's all the conversation there was.

Kind of puzzles me, though. Just last week he agreed with those who say it's hypocritical to fake a positive attitude.... then he gestures to me to smile when I didn't really feel like it. Sometimes people can't make up their minds?

PS: I feel better today. I *have* been praying about my negative thoughts and bad attitude. It's a combination of things going on. Work stress (which is resolving) and also a painful date coming up, the anniversary of the day my youngest daughter died. I am taking things one minute at a time, trying my best to function and do what needs done even if I'm falling apart on the inside.

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Sorry for your loss. I do love Psalm 46.

I like to replace "Fake it till' you make it" with "FATH it till you make it".

Don't pretend like you're okay if you're falling apart. We as Christians are here to life each other up. That's the purpose of the church. Amongst other things of course.

So instead of pretending your okay, you turn to God. You ask those you trust most for support. And you get through this together.

I'm here if you need to talk. Now and always.

I hope you feel better soon.

LovebirdsFlying said:

Work stress (which is resolving) and also a painful date coming up, the anniversary of the day my youngest daughter died. I am taking things one minute at a time, trying my best to function and do what needs done even if I'm falling apart on the inside.

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I am also very sorry for your loss! Then I can understand why you feel as you do, it is easier to picture it.

I will pray for you.

LovebirdsFlying said:

I've been under some stress and dealing with some issues. Common threads on those issues extend across home life, church, and work.

So my head wasn't in a real good place this morning. Very negative thoughts. The more I prayed, "Lord, help me have a positive attitude no matter what," the more painfully negative my thoughts became. But then when I prayed, "Lord, help me FAKE a positive attitude no matter what," it actually became easier. People can see me smiling and being friendly, and not know I'm a pressure cooker on the inside. And really, the world couldn't care less what's going on inside me. All they really care about is the outward behavior.

And that seemed to work. People asked, "How are you doing?" And I smiled and answered, "Fine. And you?" I don't really like the idea of being "fake." It feels hypocritical. But I told myself I wasn't really being dishonest. The question was, "How are you doing?" Not, "How are you feeling?" If anybody had asked me how I was feeling, I might have been forced to answer differently.

Is there something morally questionable about this "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy? Where is the line between that and hypocrisy?

Click to expand...

I don’t see as hypocrisy or faking it but not having the energy to repeatedly go into detail about why you are not feeling so good. I think it is ok to say ‘fine’ when somebody asks and save your feelings for those that actually matter to you.