need advice, new to the orthodox church

The biggest advice I give any young Christian - DON'T date a non-Christian. Just say no.

I was a non-believer when I was dating. I so wish I was a believer from my youth.

But dating a non-Christian is just a big don't.

Also, try to tell her „along the lines” nice quotes and ideas from the book in order to „promote„ it. To catch her interest. Do not „throw” against her all the info. Little by little.
Nowadays, most people aren't able to read such books.

JohnTh said:

Also, try to tell her „along the lines” nice quotes and ideas from the book in order to „promote„ it. To catch her interest. Do not „throw” against her all the info. Little by little.
Nowadays, most people aren't able to read such books.

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I’ve found that, since I’ve become Orthodox, I have become much MUCH more reluctant to tell people things that I’m reading, that I’m learning, etc. - especially when it comes to prayer and the topics that are more commonly addressed with a spiritual father. I guess I’m nervous that if I tell someone “this is how you pray the Jesus prayer and this book says we should try to say it all the time” or “I was reading about the benefits of reading a chapter of the Gospels every day” or any number of things, I’m nervous that I’ll somehow lead them astray or lead them into delusion, and then their fall will be on my responsibility.

Is this healthy and good, or do you have advice on this?

My girlfriend is also not yet orthodox, and it’s been hard for her as an inquirer, but I don’t know how to help either!

As far as the Jesus Prayer, you might want to learn more about that later. You do not have to take in everything at once. Much of the Gospel should be common sense in what should seem to be the right way to live life but in an unpredictable world.

Much of our living in faith is reflected in charity & prayer ( as the Lord teaches in Matthew 6:1-14). Note the Lord includes fasting ( per Matthew 6:15-19?) but that goes with growing within the Church not at the outset & should be discussed personally (not online). Keep the basic commandments ( Matthew 19:16-19, Romans 13:8-10, Matthew 22:36-40); this is our ongoing challenge of faith in life ( I know those I tell are better people than me but just need a road sign).

Much of what I am saying are things I have memorized since youth ( I believe many of us probably do not receive these teachings anymore & I was raised Protestant). I am also single & do not face many challenges others face also.

Still, I have found taking a 30-45 minute walk before my night shift job & praying the Jesus Prayer, the Lord’s commandments (or 10 commandments), the Lord of the harvest ( Matthew 9:36-38), Hail Mary ( Luke 1:28), the Lord’s Prayer, & the Creed as a daily renewal of faith if time is otherwise short.

I am not trying to tell anyone what to do of course but provide an example of what a layperson might be able to do.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s style, just rent the movie and watch it with a nice, accommodating family!

ArmyMatt said:

what if you read it, and then discuss it with her?

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gurneyhalleck1 said:

Breakfast at Tiffany’s style, just rent the movie and watch it with a nice, accommodating family!

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just remember to save the seat if you get more juice.

AMM said:

I’ve found that, since I’ve become Orthodox, I have become much MUCH more reluctant to tell people things that I’m reading, that I’m learning, etc. - especially when it comes to prayer and the topics that are more commonly addressed with a spiritual father. I guess I’m nervous that if I tell someone “this is how you pray the Jesus prayer and this book says we should try to say it all the time” or “I was reading about the benefits of reading a chapter of the Gospels every day” or any number of things, I’m nervous that I’ll somehow lead them astray or lead them into delusion, and then their fall will be on my responsibility.

Is this healthy and good, or do you have advice on this?

My girlfriend is also not yet orthodox, and it’s been hard for her as an inquirer, but I don’t know how to help either!

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Yes, as expected.

Do not push too hard because it might generate repulse.

However, speak about orthodoxy without naming it (yeah, I realize that I am saying something very disgusting now) because there is a ton of mis/disinformation about God and everything which is closely related to it.

Saying directly „Obey to God's commandments!” will (most likely) not work. A multi-stage healing approach tough is quite different:

1. „See, we must love the others as they are, not as we want them to be”
2. „We must like them like they are ourselves. We are the same - ok, different but the same.”
3. ...and if you find a good moment in which she is receptive you can go deeper and explain the mechanisms as per why #1 and #2 are crucially important.

JohnTh said:

Yes, as expected.

Do not push too hard because it might generate repulse.

However, speak about orthodoxy without naming it (yeah, I realize that I am saying something very disgusting now) because there is a ton of mis/disinformation about God and everything which is closely related to it.

Saying directly „Obey to God's commandments!” will (most likely) not work. A multi-stage healing approach tough is quite different:

1. „See, we must love the others as they are, not as we want them to be”
2. „We must like them like they are ourselves. We are the same - ok, different but the same.”
3. ...and if you find a good moment in which she is receptive you can go deeper and explain the mechanisms as per why #1 and #2 are crucially important.

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thanks, I think that's helpful!

JohnTh said:

Yes, as expected.

Do not push too hard because it might generate repulse.

However, speak about orthodoxy without naming it (yeah, I realize that I am saying something very disgusting now) because there is a ton of mis/disinformation about God and everything which is closely related to it.

Saying directly „Obey to God's commandments!” will (most likely) not work. A multi-stage healing approach tough is quite different:

1. „See, we must love the others as they are, not as we want them to be”
2. „We must like them like they are ourselves. We are the same - ok, different but the same.”
3. ...and if you find a good moment in which she is receptive you can go deeper and explain the mechanisms as per why #1 and #2 are crucially important.

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I will say I've gotten MUCH better results in discussing Christian principles without pointing out that they are in fact Orthodox principles.

Sooner or later the person may realize that since you ARE Orthodox, the Church teaches what you are affirming.

Would not following what Jesus says be the most important thing?

FredVB said:

Would not following what Jesus says be the most important thing?

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Not sure who you're asking the question of, or what you mean?

Of course following Christ is central to everything.

prayers!

CodyR4 said:

well shes making an effort. she finally caught up to me and asked me questions, I just feel like I have to constantly remind her to take the book with her to work to read it when shes off. I haven't heard back from the priest yet, im super eager to go back to the church I really want him to call soon. or hope he does.

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That’s good. Just remember that we all move at different paces towards God. St Vladimir’s entourage converted to Orthodoxy after going to a single Divine Liturgy, but a lot of us (myself included) took much longer than that to decide to become orthodox. Stay patient

Continued prayers for you!

~Anastasia~ said:

Not sure who you're asking the question of, or what you mean? Of course following Christ is central to everything.

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I mean that with understanding the church says what Jesus says, it would be good to say what Jesus says, with that understanding, as there should be testimony of Jesus. Speaking of him is involved with following him. I thought this was good thinking to share for an approach.

FredVB said:

I mean that with understanding the church says what Jesus says, it would be good to say what Jesus says, with that understanding, as there should be testimony of Jesus. Speaking of him is involved with following him. I thought this was good thinking to share for an approach.

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Ok, thank you for explaining.

Basically it depends on just what we are talking about. Jesus Himself didn't comment on everything, but He did on much. And the Gospels are the most central part of our beliefs. So yes, that's a good approach. (Though sometimes people might not realize that a particular thing is taken directly from the words of Jesus.)

Very much of what the Church teaches in addition to that comes from Scripture. Again, people might fail to recognize this.

And on a third level there are teachings from Church Fathers or holy elders. These may involve interpretation of Scripture (it is particularly helpful to see how the ones the letters of the NT were written to understood them), or advice on how to draw closer to God (which people accept readily these days from many others, but it is better if it comes from those who we know have already gone that path successfully themselves).

These are in descending order of authority.

I find them all helpful to discuss, depending on the person I am talking to and how they will be received. Thanks for the opportunity to put my thoughts in order about the source(s).