- Dec 4, 2019
- 617
- 425
- 29
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
Is their an Unforgivable Sin I realize that Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is but what if you did it on accident what if the yellow flickering light was blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am so scared that the God of the Universe didn't protect me from my mental illness he abandoned me in the hallucination and now I fear that Satan is in my brain and heart. Is it just schizoaffective disorder making me think that I blasphemed. I am crying and emotional thinking I blasphemed the Holy Spirit and I feel out of my body and I see a blue light in my brain but people say I am saved. I don't feel the Holy Spirit and I don't hear his voice right now. I try to relax and trust God would not let a supernatural temptation occur in the shower. I mixed Jesus and Satan up in the shower and he followed me to the door. I am crazy and I had no chance to resit the temptation it wasn't like Eve and the Apple it was a yellow flickering light shaped like a cross and I thought it belonged to Jesus. I saw Revelation unfold and Satan said that I was Antichrist and now I am a false prophet. Would God abandon me would a loving God depart a mentally ill college student who strives to love him. I love God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit and they feel so far away the sun even looks different it mocks me I failed a supernatural temptation. I truly believe that I have the mark of the beast even though it isn't even out yet to take but it feels so real to me. I feel so emotionally torn by what I am experiencing does God blot mentally ill people from the Book of Life. I had no control over the Yellow Cross it was my weakness was my sanity and Satan has me convinced that I blasphemed with this blue light in my brain is it just a hallucination and this out of body experience people see the Holy Spirit in me but I can't feel him. I wish there was burning bush like Moses experienced. I keep playing You Say I am fighting for my sanity it lies to me telling me that I blasphemed when I know that I have not. I didn't speak against the Holy Spirit it was a hallucination of a flickering yellow light that I had no control over being crazy. I want to trust that God would not allow a supernatural temptation. I am just so depressed and crying thinking that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit. I love Jesus so much and I am worried that he abandoned me for the yellow flickering light. I realize that it doesn't make sense humanly I trust Jesus can forgive me for mixing up on accident with Satan. I didn't witness a miracle like the pharisees and call the Holy Spirit out. I just saw a yellow flickering light that I could not control. I truly believe that Jesus will use this for his glory .