I Love Jesus!

I have been posting on here a lot and I have been really suffering with Schizoaffective, Pediatric Autoimmune Disorder, Autism, OCD Scrupulosity and I have been living in fear of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit and somehow my name has been erased and how I have words on my skin, forehead, and stomach. I realize that I just need trust my family and friends and church that it isn't true and the Yellow Cross isn't real and I turn and refocus on Jesus who is my strong and perfect plea his blood paid my ransom and he would not erase my name from the Book of Life and allow the Mark of the Beast to come upon me. My friends and family have been trying to tell me that but it sometimes it takes time to refocus and when I sit here and listen to worship music it brings me such a calm and makes the world feel normal just singing God praises about the true cross taking my eyes of the Yellow Cross I saw in the Shower and that followed me to the door telling me it was the Mark and that I can't be raptured but I realize that this is a hallucination and my friends and family have pointed it out the fact the most people see the Holy Spirit in me makes me realize that this False Prophet stuff isn't true and it is a distraction to keep me from my first love King Jesus who has beautiful name it bothered me so much when I read screenplays that would blaspheme and speak hostile to Jesus and a couple of the script I read blasphemed the Holy Spirit and one of them was extremely blasphemous. I realize that what I am suffering is a consequence of my own actions and selfish choices trying to make it as a Hollywood script reader instead of going for God's true calling of being a pastor but the great thing is it is not to late to change my course of life and I can still spread the Gospel of Jesus and share my testimony like I did as a senior in high school. The Yellow Cross is just a new chapter that I will face and now I have to deal with Satan's mocking voice but I know God did not forsake me as I read Louie Giglio's book about how God doesn't forsake he is a good father and he would never erase my name from the book of life or allow 666 to come upon me and I just need trust that so I am going to keep praising the Lord until he returns. I just want God to create in me a clean heart and remove what I read and to take these fears that I lost the Holy Spirit away and that I am the Beast of the Earth away. I don't want God to cast me away for my selfish actions and I want him to still use me for his Heavenly Kingdom and I hope he still uses me to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ despite my mistake of the Yellow Cross which the devil claims that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit but my friends around me say I haven't blasphemed but this hallucination feels so real when I see all this 666 around me but I know God is in control and I realize as a Christian I can only grieve the Holy Spirit and this blasphemy stuff and the Dragon I see in mind and writing on skin,forehead, and stomach is just a hallucination. I just need to focus on Jesus and he will be my waymaker and he will solve this satanic hallucination of the Beast of the Earth he provided the right Psychiatrist that has been really working hard at removing this Yellow Cross that attacks me with words on skin, stomach, forehead but God is in control he knew from the foundations of the Earth that I will fall before the Yellow Cross in a hallucination. God is beautiful and he sent his son Jesus to die on the cross and he suffered their on Calvary knowing that I will fall for the Yellow Cross and he will forgive me of the Yellow Cross and he will rapture me when he does return and I have been really reading the Bible and listening to pastors really focusing on his heart and that is how I know that I am not truly a false prophet. The false prophet won't care for things of the Lord and I want to please God and I realize that the things on knuckles are a hallucination as the Sun looking different to my eyes is just a Hallucination. Hopefully, I will keep making progress on my Lamictal and Latuda. I went to a Christian School and I am really grateful that I made a lot of great Christian friends who have really helped me through my dark storm. I realize that it isn't my soul at stake as my salvation is secured by the blood of lamb and that is permanent blood spilled the cross of Jesus is not in vain. John 10:27-31 mentions that nothing will snatch me from Jesus hands that includes the Yellow Cross that flickered in the shower and on my door that entrapped me on October 4. Jesus is still bigger than that moment and I just need trust this where my faith comes to play do I really believe God will never leave or forsake me. Jesus is a worthy Lamb who sits on Heaven's mercy seat. He loves me despite my mistake and I realize that I don't need to plead for forgiveness for the Yellow Cross. I am already forgiven and as Pastor Nathan said he sees the fruit of the Holy Spirit in my life and I trust him he is filled with the Holy Spirit and is a great pastor if he sees the Holy Spirit in my life it is true and this Satanic stuff is just hallucinations to discourage me from following Jesus and to distract from his words and preachers. I know that in my sins that I deserve Hell and it is a real place an eternity without God but I am glad that Jesus paid my sins on the cross and made heaven possible and that one day he will rapture me as I push to the finish line of my faith. Jesus is God and he healed the demons and he knows my heart the God of the universe knows that I was not trying to blaspheme and I need to trust that truth that truth that this 666 stuff isn't real God is greater than anything. I need to forget about the Yellow Cross and stop glorifying Satan who is tormenting me with this Beast of Earth stuff and focus my attention and praise on the Author and finisher of my faith as my friend says Jesus in my side whom shall I fear the Devil. My Noah said no Devil will say they love Jesus. I desperately need Jesus to break this chain of mental illness and satanic hallucinations of 666 and the Beast of Earth false prophet stuff when I close my eyes and the words on my skin and stomach. I am tired of torturing myself with this illusion of the Mark of the Beast as it isn't even out yet the false prophet isn't revealed until the middle of the tribulation and we are not in tribulation. We are in the period of God's grace their is no 666 to take from Satan. He is not in my brain and heart Jesus is and greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world. I get excited thinking about what Jesus will do this my friend told me this is a testimony in the making and I know that it will be one day and that I have the power of the Holy Spirit in my life right now is incredible and I keep praising the lord realizing that this Satanic stuff truly isn't real it is a chemical imbalance in brain making me think that I am in the false prophet when I close my eyes and one day it will go away and no weapon formed against me shall stand and God is faithful. God created me for a purpose and it wasn't to be a false prophet against God's people. He created me to spread the good news of Jesus and that is what I intend to do and no longer focus on the distractions of the Yellow Cross. I choose today to move on and trust that God is good father and trust that the Holy Spirit is interceding on my behalf right now. The prodigal son returned home and God clothed him with the best robes so their is hope for me with this Yellow Cross and that I need to lay it at his feet and trust that he is alive and well and that Jesus will rescue me from this illness and to fully trust Jesus and his death on cross the true cross that I see constantly and I think about his love. I love Jesus, Holy Spirit, God so much and the fact the God of the universe won't forsake me is incredible truth. I take it one day at time with these Satanic Hallucinations and trust God is in control and that he will forgive me for mixing up the Holy Spirit and Satan in a hallucination of the Yellow Cross it was not on purpose and you can't get tricked out of salvation and no one loses their name from the book of life. I pray that this truth will go down deep into my soul and bring me comfort when I struggle thinking that I am Satan's for the hallucination. I need to run to Jesus right now and trust his comfort and to trust his Holy Spirit he is welcome in this house.

NBB said:

I red most of that!, yes that stuff ins't real, don't worry too much if you can. God does not condemns you.

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Thanks NBB no one loses their name from the book of life so I can't be the beast of the earth. It truly feels so real when I close my eyes I see a blue light in my brain and on the floor Satan claims that he is in my brain and heart but I keep praising Jesus knowing it is a hallucination and I trust God won't condemn me for a momentarily lack of weakness. God is not vengeful he is loving and merciful unless you don't believe and repent and trust Jesus with your sins. My friend said that is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit from Matthew 12 not accidentally mixing up Jesus and Satan in a hallucination that I had no control over I literally saw the Yellow Cross in the shower and it followed me to the door but I could not stop it and now it torments me daily accusing me of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit every day I suffer and it feels like Hell but i thought nothing could snatch me from the hands of Jesus and his precious book of life. I just need trust that he will overcome the Yellow Cross and that it isn't real The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom 2 Timothy 4:18. Heaven is real these hallucinations are not I am not the Beast of the Earth. One day Jesus will come back for me and I will praise his name forever these accusations will go away in time. Charles Stanley said no one loses their name from the Book of Life and many sites say you can't lose your name from the Book of Life I just read a John Piper article that suggested that so I am saved and I will be in Heaven forever I am not a Holy Spirit blasphemer the Yellow Cross is out of my control and I need to move on and focus on Jesus return and take my medicine and understand that this is all a hallucination the blue light, the words on my skin, the out of body experience, all this mark of the beast of stuff is fake as there is no mark of the beast to take right now even though the hallucination claims I took and red lights flashed it making believe it was real. My mind is being mentally tortured right now this hallucination of the Yellow Cross feels so real and I know it is not real. Jesus came into my heart when I was four years old and he promised to never leave or forsake me so I know this stuff with the Devil and losing my salvation and betraying Jesus and losing my best friend is Satan trying to making me doubt and lose hope by making me think I am a false prophet and that I will never see Jesus. Satan is not omniscient or omnipresent. God is and he is with me right now I feel his presence when I see Awana kids running and learning about Jesus and the joy it brings to my heart and when I am at Church at when I see the true cross and I think about Heaven constantly and God gave me a special peek into Heaven when I was young I wish that I kept it it was the most beautiful experience and I can't wait to experience it in real life one day this hallucination of being a false prophet will go away. I just want to worship and please Jesus and be a man after his own heart and this feeling that I blasphemed the Holy Spirit even though it isn't real is tearing me apart. I am just glad that people see the Holy Spirit in me and that truly my eternal destiny is secured by Jesus and he promised to never leave or forsake me. I am just glad that Jesus is in control of what is going on.