Do I need to seek help?

pinkjess

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I'm asking this from a place of insecurity so please be gentle with me. This is taking a lot of bravery to be vulnerable like this. This has been ailing me for almost two years since I turned 24. I am 26 now.

I grew up thinking God wanted me to be celibate and serve the homeless. I had a plan to become a social worker or something and just have a lot of friends and associates and that I wouldn't ever want a spouse. I equated needing a man to weakness and mediocrity; every woman gets married--what would happen if I didn't? I felt like marriage was a cop-out for women who can't handle living on their own. I didn't want to do that. I wanted to feel "strong and independent" with just me and God. I thought my relationship with God would be stronger and more mystic if I never got married. I was infatuated with stories of nuns and hermits who did great things with their lives. Plus Paul did write that women who are unmarried are better focused on the things of God. I thought marriage was a bad idea in that aspect. Doesn't God want our full attention?

Well, when I turned 24 years old those sentiments changed. I started wishing I could be in a relationship with a guy. I started longing for a male companion. I wanted to experience that male-female connection. I started feeling this hollow-like sensation in my chest and I would pray to God with tears for His will to be done. To either help me find somebody, or to take away my longings and help me accept my singleness. I did this several times. I would write my feelings out on blogs and try to make sense of it all. I was concerned about how strongly I desired a relationship--it didn't seem like "me". It was a bit out of character. And, it made me feel guilty because God "should" have been enough for me. Why was I craving a relationship so bad? Were my eyes taken off God? So many conflicting feelings kept coming up and I didn't know what to do with them.

If it helps, I grew up not really having a healthy view of sex and romantic relationships. inappropriate contentography was sadly a part of my childhood home and I watched how heartbroken it made my mother. She would tell me all of it was filthy and that men only had one thing on their mind. She told me she hated intimacy and that it made her disgusted. At age 10 I took all of this in and it really shaped my view of sexuality. I think maybe this is where I get my "God wants me to be celibate" idea from--maybe deep down I am scared of intimacy like my mom was and I want to hide behind a "noble wall" to make myself feel secure, under the guise of "God wants me to be celibate, God wants me to do this thing etc."

I know it's not wrong to wish for a spouse, but my problem is, I don't know if God wants me to. I feel like I want a sign or proof from Him that it is His will for me. I also worry I have become too emotionally entrenched in the idea to the point God isn't enough for me anymore. I try to keep God 1st, but it's hard when I never feel His presence anymore. I never feel His love. When I do it doesn't last because I mess up a lot. And I fear He slinks away from me.

I also have a very big problem no one in my life knows about. I struggle with fantasizing. Kind of like scenes from a romance novel or movie. I do it usually at night after a hard day at work or when I feel unwanted or invisible. I feel horrible about it but I can't seem to kick the habit for good, because it always comes back. I was two weeks clean and then it all came crashing down. I still feel ashamed over it and it's making me act weird around people because I know I need to tell somebody but don't know how. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I have to hide it and it's like I'm trapped.

I posted about my issue on a single Christian woman's Facebook group and some ladies told me I could have an evil spirit called Incubus who is haunting me, or a soul tie. That worries me. Because it seems I can't overcome this problem on my own. It keeps coming up. Then another lady told me she struggled with this too and it went away after she got married, which worries me too because what if I don't get married? Will I struggle with this forever?

I have really bad social anxiety and a stutter and it is hard for me to socialize without looking like an idiot. I can't really start up conversations unless they are initiated outside of myself first. I want friends, but I get so scared of rejection. It doesn't help that most of the people in my age group already have their circle of friends. It's harder to make new friends as you get older. But I do want to try. I am currently trying to find a church, maybe one with a singles group. I am sure even just being with other believers will help me, even if I don't make friends. It's going to be really hard because I hate going to new places by myself, but I have decided I need to just try. Please pray I make it happen.

I'm just tired of feeling these things. It's like Pandora's box opened and I can't shut it. I'm tired of this nagging desire following me everywhere I go. I'm tired of struggling. I've thought about looking for a therapist but with my crappy health insurance I don't think I can find a Christian therapist who won't just tell me my feelings are "natural" or "normal".

Thanks for reading my tripe. I think I just need to talk to somebody.
 

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Hi, Pink Jess :) Thank you for sharing such personal things with us. I think it is good to be quiet in prayer and trust God to make us submissive to Him in His peace, and then see how He makes us clear about things. And do what He has us doing in His peace >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

And therefore do not trust any feelings or thinking or decisions that are not with God in His peace. Ones can say, oh I can't do this, I have tried. Well, if what we do does not work, this can be because what we have been trying does not work. Only God is able to get us the right way.

However, I do understand God uses people to help us. Possibly, you need first to spend time with mature senior couples and individuals. And if you hear a sermon, pray for how it can help you. Any part of God's word can help us with any trouble . . . somehow. And any sermon by a Christian pastor can help us.

And, Pink Jess, I find that we have compassionate and caring and prayerful people here in Christian Forums; so see how you can feed on what different ones share with you, here.

My above comments are my basic for you. If you want some detail, I have put in some specific things below > but I would say first pray, be still with God, simply trust Him in spite of your failure history. God does have hope for us!!! Jesus suffered and died on the cross, with hope for all of us > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7)

I grew up thinking God wanted me to be celibate and serve the homeless.
Possibly, you do not have much experience with the homeless, I mean in case you think you can just know how to help them and rescue them. I have lived on purpose outdoors on the street for years, scavenging and visiting various churches while reaching to homeless people as their neighbor. And it can be a wonderful thing to try to help homeless people; but you need to find out how to share with God and relate with Jesus people as your new family . . . so you can minister for homeless people to be at home with God and family with us. Or else, you have not really helped them.

You need to become an example for them.

It is good to share as family with one another while you are reaching to the homeless. We need to be healthy with one another, so we can minister for homeless people to trust in Jesus and become sound and healthy in God's family love.

I had a plan to become a social worker or something and just have a lot of friends and associates and that I wouldn't ever want a spouse.
God is about family. If you have the right guy, you both can reach homeless people, as a couple who can be their example of how to relate interpersonally, and how to relate as a married couple . . . so they have you to help them find out how to love. Or else, ones you reach can merely be trying to get things for themselves, without discovering how to love.

I equated needing a man to weakness and mediocrity;
In Jesus, we are members of each other. Members need each other. We are not just weak, but desperate for how God ministers His grace through one another to each other. Ephesians 4:29

I felt like marriage was a cop-out for women who can't handle living on their own.
If a woman can't handle living on her own, she likely is not able to handle marriage.

I wanted to feel "strong and independent" with just me and God.
And that can be isolation which is not the same as independence!!!!

A truly independent person can handle being alone, in sharing with God, plus the independent person can handle close sharing with various other Jesus people, in marriage or other close relating as God's family.

If your happiness depends on being alone away from people, then you are not independent. Because if you depend on being along, this can mean you are depending on yourself and how you can rig your circumstance > depending on yourself is depending, too! And Jesus says we need to deny ourselves > Luke 9:23.

But if we are strong in love, we can enjoy and stay with God in any social situation >

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .(in Psalm 23:5)

So, right in the presence of any enemies, at all, we can have all that our Father desires to share with us, of His own table prepared before us.

So, I think you need to do some discovering of what is in God's word; and I think there are plenty of sermons which you are going to need to hear.

I thought my relationship with God would be stronger and more mystic if I never got married.
We are not God's counselor.

I was infatuated with stories of nuns and hermits who did great things with their lives.
There is one person who is said to be a saint, and he supposedly did very spiritual things, but he was not able to overcome his lust problem; possibly he could not handle loving women. But consider how Jesus could share so closely and even physically with different women.

Making great religious gestures which impress you and others is not the same as becoming deeply strong and sound in God's love.

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

In God's quiet rest and gentle kindness we have His almighty power to keep us from being corrupted by different cruel and dominating and foolish feelings and drives and ways of reacting emotionally. Jesus is "gentle and lowly in heart" (in Matthew 11:28-30).

Plus Paul did write that women who are unmarried are better focused on the things of God.
This is in the Bible!!! :)

Plus Paul did write that women who are unmarried are better focused on the things of God. I thought marriage was a bad idea in that aspect. Doesn't God want our full attention?
He did not say marriage is bad. But please read and feed on 1 Corinthians 7:7. Holy matrimony, I get from this scripture, is a gift of the Holy Spirit.

And celibacy is a gift.

But neither gift automatically makes you a perfectly holy and loving person. As a celibate a person needs to grow and learn in how to relate intimately with God. This comes with growth and correction, not just by having the gift. But the gift of celibacy is specialized . . . in my opinion . . . for helping a person to be intimate with God, and the person with this gift helps others to love and share intimately with God.

Meanwhile, holy matrimony is the gift for learning how to relate in a close involvement with another person. So, marriage can be a research laboratory for making breakthrough discoveries in how to love, and then ministering this on to other people who are single, married, and celibates.

We minister our gifts to one another. Celibacy ministers grace for relating in intimacy with God, while married people can minister their grace to help us all to find out how to love in close sharing. The celibate, then, can help married people get close to God, while married people help the celibate to get more mature in relating in close sharing with other people.

Each gift ministers its grace > 1 Peter 4:9-10 < so we all mature in all of the ability of God's love > Ephesians 4:14-15.

I started wishing I could be in a relationship with a guy.
That can be isolating. I think you need to share with experienced mature senior Christians. And feed on their example. And be appreciative of any moment you spend time with any person so you can love that person.

I was concerned about how strongly I desired a relationship--it didn't seem like "me".
Well, I see that there can be a problem with this: how you could want a relationship, but you don't even know a guy very personally. First, I think we need to share as family with our various brothers and sisters in Jesus. Enjoy and appreciate being family with one another, instead of being so concerned about how we might want to use some one other person.

God "should" have been enough for me.
God is enough, but God is love and about family. So, being with God includes sharing with His children!!! And He has made us "members of one another" (Romans 12:5, Ephesians 4:25). Members of a body can not survive, never mind thrive, without each other. God has made us this way, in Jesus. We are essential to one another, even ministering God's own grace to one another > 1 Peter 4:9-10.

I grew up not really having a healthy view of sex and romantic relationships.
So, start new, with Jesus. Feed on how God's word means for us to love God and love one another as His family. Sex and romantic relationships need to be humbled, not such a big deal. The real problem of sex and relationships can be how people are trying to use them for pleasure . . . not for learning how to love and how to bring up children who know how to love > Malachi 2:14-15 > 1 Peter 5:3.

inappropriate contentography was sadly a part of my childhood home and I watched how heartbroken it made my mother. She would tell me all of it was filthy and that men only had one thing on their mind. She told me she hated intimacy and that it made her disgusted.
Well, you need to be able to tell the difference between a man who is not right, and a man who knows how to love. There are women who can be right in a church with gentle and humble men, but they find them to be ignorant and boring. But God is quiet and gentle, and His love is the best kind of love.

But if someone is mainly about love for pleasure, this is a wrong preference which is not even a sexual preference since it is about pleasure and not about producing children who know God and know how to love in a close relationship.

So, instead of criticizing the men who have been fools for sex, discover how to love with God and His family.

At age 10 I took all of this in and it really shaped my view of sexuality.
We humans can be brought to believe anything. But with God we can discover all He pleases to share with us.

I also worry I have become too emotionally entrenched in the idea to the point God isn't enough for me anymore.
Emotions aren't stronger than God. God's peace is almighty > Philippians 4:6-7.

I never feel His love.
God is quiet, not silent. But if we are involved in impersonal things inside ourselves, our impersonal stuff can keep us from sensing and sharing with God in His gentle and quiet love.

And, for one example, criticizing men who have been wrong can make us impersonal and anti-personal, so we miss out on how we could be sweetly and sensitively sharing with God. Instead of making a project of criticizing wrong men, here is what Paul says to do, "first of all" > 1 Timothy 2:1-4.

I have really bad social anxiety and a stutter and it is hard for me to socialize without looking like an idiot.
Well . . . yes, there are people who do not know how to love. So, yes to an unloving person you can look like an idiot. But that person needs you to be an example of how to love; and God can use your example to help anyone. Get with God in prayer, get correction, discover how God has us ready for love, with any person.

I can't really start up conversations unless they are initiated outside of myself first. I want friends, but I get so scared of rejection.
You won't be rejected by people who know how to love. But you do need correction and maturing so you can relate with really loving people. But God's people are praying for you and will be glad to share with you about how you need to grow in Jesus and loving any and all people.

It doesn't help that most of the people in my age group already have their circle of friends.
Jesus had His circle of disciples reach out to others. If people relate like an in-crowd, pray for God to have mercy on them and bless them; have hope for them, like Jesus on the cross had hope for any and all evil people who were selfishly loving people.

It's harder to make new friends as you get older. But I do want to try. I am currently trying to find a church, maybe one with a singles group.
I would say start with mature Christians. And it is quality, not quantity. Appreciate each moment; understand how Christian people can already have families and needy people they already are reaching and helping; so sharing with them can be brief but very helpful. And it helped me to love family people as myself; their being so blessed is just as good as if I am being blessed with marriage and children, since I care for them as I care for myself . . . except, I don't have to pay the bills :)

I am sure even just being with other believers will help me, even if I don't make friends. It's going to be really hard because I hate going to new places by myself, but I have decided I need to just try. Please pray I make it happen.
amen :) There are various people who already are your friends!!! But we need to do some discovering :idea:

And be glad for the others whom they are loving and helping, as though it is you being blessed . . . since you love them as you care about your own self.

I'm just tired of feeling these things. It's like Pandora's box opened and I can't shut it. I'm tired of this nagging desire following me everywhere I go. I'm tired of struggling.

I've thought about looking for a therapist but with my crappy health insurance I don't think I can find a Christian therapist who won't just tell me my feelings are "natural" or "normal".
Real life can be the most effective treatment . . . with God and how He has us learning and growing :help: :pray::prayer::pray: :groupray:
 
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.Mikha'el.

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I think you're being way too hard on yourself. It seems like you're trying to force yourself to be a certain way when you're now wanting something totally different. Desires and aspirations change over time, and that is okay. As for fantasizing, it happens. We are sexual beings from the time of adolescence to the end of our days, and thoughts are going to creep in from time to time. It's simply part of having a libido. I think the important thing is not to be consumed by them.

As for wanting help, I think there's a certain value in talking to someone to vent about this sort of frustration. But I honestly think what you're experiencing is so normal and universal that no therapist or counselor is really going to be any help in suppressing them.
 
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ReesePiece23

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Honestly? It's not that deep. Keep praying, take EVERYTHING one day at a time and exist only in the present moment.

There's no linear plan for Jess, you ARE going to evolve and you WILL naturally develop new interests over time. Now, all YOU have to do is not think any further ahead than your next meal - which I personally think is going to be your biggest challenge. You're a quintessential anxiety sufferer - start there, pray for that.

Basically, enjoy yourself. God didn't create you so that you can just sit around worrying. Be natural, and do what feels right. If you see a fella you like, whatever. If you find something better and more meaningful on your own and with God, whatever. Just enjoy it when it comes.
 
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I'm asking this from a place of insecurity so please be gentle with me. This is taking a lot of bravery to be vulnerable like this. This has been ailing me for almost two years since I turned 24. I am 26 now.

I grew up thinking God wanted me to be celibate and serve the homeless. I had a plan to become a social worker or something and just have a lot of friends and associates and that I wouldn't ever want a spouse. I equated needing a man to weakness and mediocrity; every woman gets married--what would happen if I didn't? I felt like marriage was a cop-out for women who can't handle living on their own. I didn't want to do that. I wanted to feel "strong and independent" with just me and God. I thought my relationship with God would be stronger and more mystic if I never got married. I was infatuated with stories of nuns and hermits who did great things with their lives. Plus Paul did write that women who are unmarried are better focused on the things of God. I thought marriage was a bad idea in that aspect. Doesn't God want our full attention?

Well, when I turned 24 years old those sentiments changed. I started wishing I could be in a relationship with a guy. I started longing for a male companion. I wanted to experience that male-female connection. I started feeling this hollow-like sensation in my chest and I would pray to God with tears for His will to be done. To either help me find somebody, or to take away my longings and help me accept my singleness. I did this several times. I would write my feelings out on blogs and try to make sense of it all. I was concerned about how strongly I desired a relationship--it didn't seem like "me". It was a bit out of character. And, it made me feel guilty because God "should" have been enough for me. Why was I craving a relationship so bad? Were my eyes taken off God? So many conflicting feelings kept coming up and I didn't know what to do with them.

If it helps, I grew up not really having a healthy view of sex and romantic relationships. inappropriate contentography was sadly a part of my childhood home and I watched how heartbroken it made my mother. She would tell me all of it was filthy and that men only had one thing on their mind. She told me she hated intimacy and that it made her disgusted. At age 10 I took all of this in and it really shaped my view of sexuality. I think maybe this is where I get my "God wants me to be celibate" idea from--maybe deep down I am scared of intimacy like my mom was and I want to hide behind a "noble wall" to make myself feel secure, under the guise of "God wants me to be celibate, God wants me to do this thing etc."

I know it's not wrong to wish for a spouse, but my problem is, I don't know if God wants me to. I feel like I want a sign or proof from Him that it is His will for me. I also worry I have become too emotionally entrenched in the idea to the point God isn't enough for me anymore. I try to keep God 1st, but it's hard when I never feel His presence anymore. I never feel His love. When I do it doesn't last because I mess up a lot. And I fear He slinks away from me.

I also have a very big problem no one in my life knows about. I struggle with fantasizing. Kind of like scenes from a romance novel or movie. I do it usually at night after a hard day at work or when I feel unwanted or invisible. I feel horrible about it but I can't seem to kick the habit for good, because it always comes back. I was two weeks clean and then it all came crashing down. I still feel ashamed over it and it's making me act weird around people because I know I need to tell somebody but don't know how. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I have to hide it and it's like I'm trapped.

I posted about my issue on a single Christian woman's Facebook group and some ladies told me I could have an evil spirit called Incubus who is haunting me, or a soul tie. That worries me. Because it seems I can't overcome this problem on my own. It keeps coming up. Then another lady told me she struggled with this too and it went away after she got married, which worries me too because what if I don't get married? Will I struggle with this forever?

I have really bad social anxiety and a stutter and it is hard for me to socialize without looking like an idiot. I can't really start up conversations unless they are initiated outside of myself first. I want friends, but I get so scared of rejection. It doesn't help that most of the people in my age group already have their circle of friends. It's harder to make new friends as you get older. But I do want to try. I am currently trying to find a church, maybe one with a singles group. I am sure even just being with other believers will help me, even if I don't make friends. It's going to be really hard because I hate going to new places by myself, but I have decided I need to just try. Please pray I make it happen.

I'm just tired of feeling these things. It's like Pandora's box opened and I can't shut it. I'm tired of this nagging desire following me everywhere I go. I'm tired of struggling. I've thought about looking for a therapist but with my crappy health insurance I don't think I can find a Christian therapist who won't just tell me my feelings are "natural" or "normal".

Thanks for reading my tripe. I think I just need to talk to somebody.
I had a few relationships, but did not marry. I am 60 and according to statistics, I am not likely to marry. In one county in Oregon 1% of marriage licenses were for couples over the age of 65.

As I did not have children to raise, I donated a little to charities. When I had spare time I took a subway to the world’s largest library and read about ancient Near Eastern history and Biblical archaeology. I read the Gospels over and over. I had communications with people online. There was also time to study the economy and stock market. I had an interest in geology and found time to study oil and gas investments.

It is not wrong to have a friend of the opposite sex. Whether or not to marry and have children is a different question. Some couples adopted. Some were not able to have children. Most of the time they married and produced offspring. Marriages that are most likely to succeed are marriages where the two are within five years of age of each other. Honesty might improve communication with God.
 
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pinkjess

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Hi, Pink Jess :) Thank you for sharing such personal things with us. I think it is good to be quiet in prayer and trust God to make us submissive to Him in His peace, and then see how He makes us clear about things. And do what He has us doing in His peace >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

And therefore do not trust any feelings or thinking or decisions that are not with God in His peace. Ones can say, oh I can't do this, I have tried. Well, if what we do does not work, this can be because what we have been trying does not work. Only God is able to get us the right way.

However, I do understand God uses people to help us. Possibly, you need first to spend time with mature senior couples and individuals. And if you hear a sermon, pray for how it can help you. Any part of God's word can help us with any trouble . . . somehow. And any sermon by a Christian pastor can help us.

And, Pink Jess, I find that we have compassionate and caring and prayerful people here in Christian Forums; so see how you can feed on what different ones share with you, here.

My above comments are my basic for you. If you want some detail, I have put in some specific things below > but I would say first pray, be still with God, simply trust Him in spite of your failure history. God does have hope for us!!! Jesus suffered and died on the cross, with hope for all of us > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7)

Possibly, you do not have much experience with the homeless, I mean in case you think you can just know how to help them and rescue them. I have lived on purpose outdoors on the street for years, scavenging and visiting various churches while reaching to homeless people as their neighbor. And it can be a wonderful thing to try to help homeless people; but you need to find out how to share with God and relate with Jesus people as your new family . . . so you can minister for homeless people to be at home with God and family with us. Or else, you have not really helped them.

You need to become an example for them.

It is good to share as family with one another while you are reaching to the homeless. We need to be healthy with one another, so we can minister for homeless people to trust in Jesus and become sound and healthy in God's family love.

God is about family. If you have the right guy, you both can reach homeless people, as a couple who can be their example of how to relate interpersonally, and how to relate as a married couple . . . so they have you to help them find out how to love. Or else, ones you reach can merely be trying to get things for themselves, without discovering how to love.

In Jesus, we are members of each other. Members need each other. We are not just weak, but desperate for how God ministers His grace through one another to each other. Ephesians 4:29

If a woman can't handle living on her own, she likely is not able to handle marriage.

And that can be isolation which is not the same as independence!!!!

A truly independent person can handle being alone, in sharing with God, plus the independent person can handle close sharing with various other Jesus people, in marriage or other close relating as God's family.

If your happiness depends on being alone away from people, then you are not independent. Because if you depend on being along, this can mean you are depending on yourself and how you can rig your circumstance > depending on yourself is depending, too! And Jesus says we need to deny ourselves > Luke 9:23.

But if we are strong in love, we can enjoy and stay with God in any social situation >

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .(in Psalm 23:5)

So, right in the presence of any enemies, at all, we can have all that our Father desires to share with us, of His own table prepared before us.

So, I think you need to do some discovering of what is in God's word; and I think there are plenty of sermons which you are going to need to hear.

We are not God's counselor.

There is one person who is said to be a saint, and he supposedly did very spiritual things, but he was not able to overcome his lust problem; possibly he could not handle loving women. But consider how Jesus could share so closely and even physically with different women.

Making great religious gestures which impress you and others is not the same as becoming deeply strong and sound in God's love.

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

In God's quiet rest and gentle kindness we have His almighty power to keep us from being corrupted by different cruel and dominating and foolish feelings and drives and ways of reacting emotionally. Jesus is "gentle and lowly in heart" (in Matthew 11:28-30).

This is in the Bible!!! :)

He did not say marriage is bad. But please read and feed on 1 Corinthians 7:7. Holy matrimony, I get from this scripture, is a gift of the Holy Spirit.

And celibacy is a gift.

But neither gift automatically makes you a perfectly holy and loving person. As a celibate a person needs to grow and learn in how to relate intimately with God. This comes with growth and correction, not just by having the gift. But the gift of celibacy is specialized . . . in my opinion . . . for helping a person to be intimate with God, and the person with this gift helps others to love and share intimately with God.

Meanwhile, holy matrimony is the gift for learning how to relate in a close involvement with another person. So, marriage can be a research laboratory for making breakthrough discoveries in how to love, and then ministering this on to other people who are single, married, and celibates.

We minister our gifts to one another. Celibacy ministers grace for relating in intimacy with God, while married people can minister their grace to help us all to find out how to love in close sharing. The celibate, then, can help married people get close to God, while married people help the celibate to get more mature in relating in close sharing with other people.

Each gift ministers its grace > 1 Peter 4:9-10 < so we all mature in all of the ability of God's love > Ephesians 4:14-15.

That can be isolating. I think you need to share with experienced mature senior Christians. And feed on their example. And be appreciative of any moment you spend time with any person so you can love that person.

Well, I see that there can be a problem with this: how you could want a relationship, but you don't even know a guy very personally. First, I think we need to share as family with our various brothers and sisters in Jesus. Enjoy and appreciate being family with one another, instead of being so concerned about how we might want to use some one other person.

God is enough, but God is love and about family. So, being with God includes sharing with His children!!! And He has made us "members of one another" (Romans 12:5, Ephesians 4:25). Members of a body can not survive, never mind thrive, without each other. God has made us this way, in Jesus. We are essential to one another, even ministering God's own grace to one another > 1 Peter 4:9-10.

So, start new, with Jesus. Feed on how God's word means for us to love God and love one another as His family. Sex and romantic relationships need to be humbled, not such a big deal. The real problem of sex and relationships can be how people are trying to use them for pleasure . . . not for learning how to love and how to bring up children who know how to love > Malachi 2:14-15 > 1 Peter 5:3.

Well, you need to be able to tell the difference between a man who is not right, and a man who knows how to love. There are women who can be right in a church with gentle and humble men, but they find them to be ignorant and boring. But God is quiet and gentle, and His love is the best kind of love.

But if someone is mainly about love for pleasure, this is a wrong preference which is not even a sexual preference since it is about pleasure and not about producing children who know God and know how to love in a close relationship.

So, instead of criticizing the men who have been fools for sex, discover how to love with God and His family.

We humans can be brought to believe anything. But with God we can discover all He pleases to share with us.

Emotions aren't stronger than God. God's peace is almighty > Philippians 4:6-7.

God is quiet, not silent. But if we are involved in impersonal things inside ourselves, our impersonal stuff can keep us from sensing and sharing with God in His gentle and quiet love.

And, for one example, criticizing men who have been wrong can make us impersonal and anti-personal, so we miss out on how we could be sweetly and sensitively sharing with God. Instead of making a project of criticizing wrong men, here is what Paul says to do, "first of all" > 1 Timothy 2:1-4.

Well . . . yes, there are people who do not know how to love. So, yes to an unloving person you can look like an idiot. But that person needs you to be an example of how to love; and God can use your example to help anyone. Get with God in prayer, get correction, discover how God has us ready for love, with any person.

You won't be rejected by people who know how to love. But you do need correction and maturing so you can relate with really loving people. But God's people are praying for you and will be glad to share with you about how you need to grow in Jesus and loving any and all people.

Jesus had His circle of disciples reach out to others. If people relate like an in-crowd, pray for God to have mercy on them and bless them; have hope for them, like Jesus on the cross had hope for any and all evil people who were selfishly loving people.

I would say start with mature Christians. And it is quality, not quantity. Appreciate each moment; understand how Christian people can already have families and needy people they already are reaching and helping; so sharing with them can be brief but very helpful. And it helped me to love family people as myself; their being so blessed is just as good as if I am being blessed with marriage and children, since I care for them as I care for myself . . . except, I don't have to pay the bills :)

amen :) There are various people who already are your friends!!! But we need to do some discovering :idea:

And be glad for the others whom they are loving and helping, as though it is you being blessed . . . since you love them as you care about your own self.



Real life can be the most effective treatment . . . with God and how He has us learning and growing :help: :pray::prayer::pray: :groupray:

Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate the time you took to speak to me on this stuff.
 
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pinkjess

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I had a few relationships, but did not marry. I am 60 and according to statistics, I am not likely to marry. In one county in Oregon 1% of marriage licenses were for couples over the age of 65.

As I did not have children to raise, I donated a little to charities. When I had spare time I took a subway to the world’s largest library and read about ancient Near Eastern history and Biblical archaeology. I read the Gospels over and over. I had communications with people online. There was also time to study the economy and stock market. I had an interest in geology and found time to study oil and gas investments.

It is not wrong to have a friend of the opposite sex. Whether or not to marry and have children is a different question. Some couples adopted. Some were not able to have children. Most of the time they married and produced offspring. Marriages that are most likely to succeed are marriages where the two are within five years of age of each other. Honesty might improve communication with God.
Thank you <3
 
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pinkjess

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Honestly? It's not that deep. Keep praying, take EVERYTHING one day at a time and exist only in the present moment.

There's no linear plan for Jess, you ARE going to evolve and you WILL naturally develop new interests over time. Now, all YOU have to do is not think any further ahead than your next meal - which I personally think is going to be your biggest challenge. You're a quintessential anxiety sufferer - start there, pray for that.

Basically, enjoy yourself. God didn't create you so that you can just sit around worrying. Be natural, and do what feels right. If you see a fella you like, whatever. If you find something better and more meaningful on your own and with God, whatever. Just enjoy it when it comes.
Thank you
 
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pinkjess

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I think you're being way too hard on yourself. It seems like you're trying to force yourself to be a certain way when you're now wanting something totally different. Desires and aspirations change over time, and that is okay. As for fantasizing, it happens. We are sexual beings from the time of adolescence to the end of our days, and thoughts are going to creep in from time to time. It's simply part of having a libido. I think the important thing is not to be consumed by them.

As for wanting help, I think there's a certain value in talking to someone to vent about this sort of frustration. But I honestly think what you're experiencing is so normal and universal that no therapist or counselor is really going to be any help in suppressing them.
Thank you
 
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