I need some marriage advice
I got married at the age of 20. Why? Because I wanted to stop fornicating, and she was my best friend, I thought I had experienced everything I would ever want to. Fast forward 15 years and three children later (13,12,8), I have had affairs with over 50 women. Some of these my wife knows about, but many she does not. Every few years I will break down and confess I cheated. But I always play down the number of women I was during that time.
I am at the point where I do not want to do this anymore. I have prayed and prayed and prayed that God would give me a desire only for my wife, and that prayer has still been left unanswered. I have given my life to God as much as I know how, but I fail all the time. inappropriate content has always been an issue, and although I look at it less and less, I still see things in real life, like women half dressed, a woman with a tight dress, it fires up my lust, and it leads me down the path of looking at twerking videos, or dance videos, or to create an online account with a dating site. I just never can do the right thing.
Should I leave Christianity? I’ve been there 18 years now, and although I truly desire to live it out, I find it difficult to accomplish. Should I just give my wife a divorce, and let her go free? It seems the right thing to do. Either way I lose out. If I stay with her, I lose the ability to be free and explore my lust, fantasies and all the other junk I want to do, freely. I will still do it, just hidden in the dark. Or if I let her go, I will be broke financially, and emotionally, and my family will be ruined. But isn’t my family already ruined?
I wish I were a stronger man. The truth is, I was not ready for marriage, and with 15 years of experience, I still am not prepared to be married.
I got married at the age of 20. Why? Because I wanted to stop fornicating, and she was my best friend, I thought I had experienced everything I would ever want to. Fast forward 15 years and three children later (13,12,8), I have had affairs with over 50 women. Some of these my wife knows about, but many she does not. Every few years I will break down and confess I cheated. But I always play down the number of women I was during that time.
I am at the point where I do not want to do this anymore. I have prayed and prayed and prayed that God would give me a desire only for my wife, and that prayer has still been left unanswered. I have given my life to God as much as I know how, but I fail all the time. inappropriate content has always been an issue, and although I look at it less and less, I still see things in real life, like women half dressed, a woman with a tight dress, it fires up my lust, and it leads me down the path of looking at twerking videos, or dance videos, or to create an online account with a dating site. I just never can do the right thing.
Should I leave Christianity? I’ve been there 18 years now, and although I truly desire to live it out, I find it difficult to accomplish. Should I just give my wife a divorce, and let her go free? It seems the right thing to do. Either way I lose out. If I stay with her, I lose the ability to be free and explore my lust, fantasies and all the other junk I want to do, freely. I will still do it, just hidden in the dark. Or if I let her go, I will be broke financially, and emotionally, and my family will be ruined. But isn’t my family already ruined?
I wish I were a stronger man. The truth is, I was not ready for marriage, and with 15 years of experience, I still am not prepared to be married.
