Struggling to believe

I don't know the answers, but my sister was born three months early in the 1970s and lived 10 days. During that time, no one was allowed to hold her (things were different in the 70s) so she died without being held. That has always bothered me. And I don't know why it happened.
I hope you find answers. Hugs to you.

Hi Ksam and welcome to CF,

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

It's a fact that we live in a corrupt world because of Adam's sin. The losses and suffering that we experience in this world are because of this.

God is God and we don't understand His ways. If we did, we ourselves would be God. There are many things that we do not and will not understand during our current life.

1 Corinthians 13:12 (KJV)
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

Even though it is difficult, all we can do is to continue to trust God regardless of our circumstances.

My prayer for you and your wife is that you don't allow what has happened to cause you turn away from God.

It's okay to tell God that you are angry and confused. He already knows that anyway. Telling Him is being honest, with Him and yourself. He understands.

Instead of asking and expecting God to show you why it happened, ask Him to help you to accept what has happened and to give you a peace about it. And even if you don't feel like it, start praising Him for who He is and for sending Jesus so that we can be reconciled to God. I suggest that you read the gospels to remind yourself of the incredible sacrifice which was made on our behalf.

I also pray that in the future God will use your experiences for His glory.

And and added thought.

What happened has nothing to do with any sin you are your wife have committed. As stated in my previous post it is because we live in a sinful and fallen world.

Ksam516 said:

5 years ago my wife and I lost our daughter. She was born premature with a brain bleed and only lived 5 days. I remember every second of those 5 days begging and praying for help, and none came. I watched other families in the same hospital rejoice in their miracles but was refused mine. I held my daughter in my arms as her heart and lungs gave out and I remembered hearing stories about the peace that others had felt in similar situations, but that wasn’t my experience. There were no loving arms of God or feeling of comfort. Instead all I felt was completely and utterly alone.

I began hearing all the stories and one liners we Christians like to use: It’s all part of a plan; It’s part of a lesson you’ll learn; and my personal favorite She’s with God so you should be happy. I spent the next 5 years seeking answers and have found none. What I have seen is horrible people have child after child with no problems, I’ve seen criminals go free, and still I’m left without an answer of why.

I’m to the point of giving up on faith as it seems like when I needed God most he wasn’t there for me. Why would a loving, merciful, and just God take one child but leave another? Why would he allow horrible humans to exist and take innocent children?

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Why would he allow horrible humans to exist and take innocent children?

Well...if death of this body were final, then such death would be tremendously unfair and cruel for God to impose on the innocent.

But, we learn many times that God will cause all death to be only temporary -- He is the One Who makes 'death' into only "sleep".

"Sleep" is the word Christ Himself chose to convey the reality. (Mark 5:39, Luke 8:52, and other places)

If Christ knew what He was saying, then...death of this body isn't final.

There is life to come.

Ksam516 said:

5 years ago my wife and I lost our daughter. She was born premature with a brain bleed and only lived 5 days. I remember every second of those 5 days begging and praying for help, and none came. I watched other families in the same hospital rejoice in their miracles but was refused mine. I held my daughter in my arms as her heart and lungs gave out and I remembered hearing stories about the peace that others had felt in similar situations, but that wasn’t my experience. There were no loving arms of God or feeling of comfort. Instead all I felt was completely and utterly alone.

I began hearing all the stories and one liners we Christians like to use: It’s all part of a plan; It’s part of a lesson you’ll learn; and my personal favorite She’s with God so you should be happy. I spent the next 5 years seeking answers and have found none. What I have seen is horrible people have child after child with no problems, I’ve seen criminals go free, and still I’m left without an answer of why.

I’m to the point of giving up on faith as it seems like when I needed God most he wasn’t there for me. Why would a loving, merciful, and just God take one child but leave another? Why would he allow horrible humans to exist and take innocent children?

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I am sorry for your loss. We do not know the reason why God will end one life differently from another. Some at a young age and some so old they wish for death. God has His reasons. There is not much I can say to restore your faith as it can only come from you. But what I can say is, our love for God must be first.
Be blessed.

Ksam516 said:

5 years ago my wife and I lost our daughter. She was born premature with a brain bleed and only lived 5 days. I remember every second of those 5 days begging and praying for help, and none came. I watched other families in the same hospital rejoice in their miracles but was refused mine. I held my daughter in my arms as her heart and lungs gave out and I remembered hearing stories about the peace that others had felt in similar situations, but that wasn’t my experience. There were no loving arms of God or feeling of comfort. Instead all I felt was completely and utterly alone.

I began hearing all the stories and one liners we Christians like to use: It’s all part of a plan; It’s part of a lesson you’ll learn; and my personal favorite She’s with God so you should be happy. I spent the next 5 years seeking answers and have found none. What I have seen is horrible people have child after child with no problems, I’ve seen criminals go free, and still I’m left without an answer of why.

I’m to the point of giving up on faith as it seems like when I needed God most he wasn’t there for me. Why would a loving, merciful, and just God take one child but leave another? Why would he allow horrible humans to exist and take innocent children?

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God is in the life business, not the death business. He did not kill your child. When sin entered the human race by Adam's rebellion, physical death and sickness came in also. Now God could have healed your child. He chose not to. I can't tell you why. I do know that God is love. He is infinitely wise. God knows what it is like to suffer loss. He lost the whole human race, who died to Him on that terrible day when Adam disobeyed. He lost His only Son, who died on the Cross to restore lost souls to God. Yes, God got His Son back. You will see your child again.

If God were to rid the world of evil, no one would survive. "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him; fret not when men prosper in their ways, when they carry out wicked schemes."

I'm loathe to ask this question, but I must. Are you sure that you are born again? You come across as someone who knows about God, but does not know Him in reality. If you do not know God, it would explain why you have received no help from Him. I did not see my children for 15 years. I had no way of knowing if I'd ever see them again. God got me through that terrible time.

The following link will help. Are you absolutely sure you are born again? - Christian Life Frankston

We need to be looking to God not to ourselves and our feelings.


1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (KJV)

Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.


Philippians 4 (KJV)
Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.

From Lesson 22: The Choice to Rejoice (Philippians 4:4) | Bible.org

"To rejoice in the Lord always is not primarily a matter of feeling, but of obedience.


Philippians 4:4 is a commandment, repeated twice for emphasis, so that we will not shrug it off. It is a command that we must deliberately choose to obey, especially when we’re in difficult circumstances. It has to do with our attitude which depends on our mental focus which depends on our choice. The choice to rejoice often must go deliberately against how we feel. When we go through trials, when we’re treated unfairly, when we’re disappointed by people or circumstances, we are faced with a decision: Will we obey this command to rejoice in the Lord or will we allow ourselves to be swept along by our feelings?"

Ksam516 said:

It’s difficult to not believe it’s brought on by us. We sat side by side with another family in the lunchroom area area of the nicu. Their son was born the same date and was of similar early age. But he went home. Why was she taken? Why was one blessed and the other not?

I hope this isn’t taken as an attack as it’s not meant that way at all. I truly appreciate the responses just voicing my own thoughts I guess.

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Sometimes things happen and life sucks. That's just the way it is and we don't get answers. It's not a comforting hard reality, but it is what it is.

I've been through many trials. My mother was a mentally ill alcoholic. My brother sexually abused all of his sisters. I'm a veteran who did clean up after 1991 Gulf War. I was in a catastrophic car accident 10 years ago and I'm permanently mobility impaired. Then, after having a couple of affairs, my husband committed suicide about 2.5 years ago now.

My son was one of the ill NICU babies that got to go home with his parents; yet 17 years later he still has a malignant epilepsy syndrome. He'll never live independently; and it may kill him on top of all this.

I don't have answers for half of this stuff that's happened. Often times we don't. We may get bits and pieces of comfort and come to places of "I guess I'm forced to accept this." but shining answers don't pierce the clouds.

Still I trust in God. He's saved my sanity on many occasions.

It's hard to lose a child. I've confronted that possibility on a couple of occasions. I don't have an answer for you. You may never get an answer; but at some point I pray you come to peace with God over your loss.

Life is tough, often unfair and we don't always get a say.

I've lost 24+ wee ones....some early and many later into my pregnancy....I was never blessed with holding them in my arms. After awhile I stopped getting excited about that positive test. I really struggled with my faith, as well. It took a very long time to grieve those losses and emotionally work through them. What I kept coming back to is that I *know* that God is a God of compassion and love. He grieved those losses as greatly as I did, even more so than I. Could he have stepped in anytime? Yes, of course, but he's not a genie in a bottle.

When sin entered into this world then came all manner of disease and illness. What satan meant to harm us, me especially in this instance, God used to bless me. Those losses were a direct result of sin entering the world and God used those losses in my life. After I grieved it and stopped shaking my fist at God and asking him why he didn't save them I could see all the love and blessing that came from those awful moments of pain. (As an aside, I was eventually diagnosed with a clotting disorder that caused all of those losses. I have been blessed with 4 that survived and 3 by adoption!) If I'd had any number of those wee ones I don't know if I would have thought to adopt, too. I cannot imagine my life without those children.

Sometimes we can find the blessings when we look for them and sometimes we don't learn God's "why" until we see Him in heaven....because honestly, he owes us no explanations. That's the holy part of God that we sometimes forget.

I am truly sorry for your loss and am lifting you up as you work through this.

When you say "there is life to come" I suppose you are talking about the afterlife? Like, Heaven and Hell?

You know, the eternal life that exists and awaits every dead person after this temporary existence is over. As you know, the Bible does teach that there is an afterlife. This is a relief for people like me who do not like the thought of our existence being totally eliminated and we still want to live and exist. Therefore, eternal life sounds really appealing to me. The destruction of the physical body yields to the existence of the spiritual one, or the afterlife.