I recently went through a trial with the passing of my wife. She was estranged from her kids, their choice. But when they found out she was terminally ill, they drifted back in. Our financials and all had excluded them, but they didn't know it. So they would visit her at their convenience during her 10 month illness. She was sent to the hospital in a last ditch effort to right her ship, which failed. At this same time, her grandson, one of the kids of one of her kids, was getting married, and after it was announced, lots of family came around to visit, including one sister I don't get along with. But the silver lining was that she was happy to have a lot of her family around. It seemed to give her energy. The bad part was that her sister was constantly demanding I do more to help her live, and finally, I had to tell her that my wife had already expressed the desire to give up after her grandson got married. After the wedding, they left without talking to me, and the following Friday, she came home to hospice care. Her children decided they would stay in our home while she was in hospice. Of course, that put a burden on me, but I got a few perks, like them helping by cleaning the kitchen, and things like that. When she died, they expressed a desire to say goodbye to her prior to her cremation. We already had everything planned and paid for, but they wanted this, at a cost of $1000. That's a pain, but the silver lining was that I got to go to the morgue to watch her body being blessed by our priest, and I got to spend a few minutes alone with her, to talk to her, caress her head, kiss her, hold her hand, and just say goodbye. Nobody else was there, just my priest and me. The next morning I had to drive back to the crematory, and I got there early and had a few more minutes before the other family came in. Again, a silver lining. Then, I had no help making the commital arrangements, nobody brought flowers except me, nobody took care of the details except me, but the silver lining is that I got to honor her iall the extra work, just as I got to be with her through 10 months of chemo treatments, every day, all day, her sole provider, and her soul provider. Then there was the bickering over possessions they wanted, but other than some of the stuff she brought to our marriage, mostly heirloom jewelry, I politely pushed them away. The bad thing is that now I have a lot of her things to go through, and almost every one of them carries some memory for me to recall.
What I have learned is to look for the silver lining in everything. My wife is gone, yes, but the silver lining is that both she and I are free of her pain. And she was in pain every day for 10 months, but rarely resorted to pain meds. In the end they gave her morphine, and she only took it once while she was in hospice. That was one tough lady, and I love her very much. Now excuse me while I wipe the tears off my keyboard...