My 4 Year Old's Tantrums

Ave Maria said:

Hey everyone. I have a 4-year-old son. Well, sometimes he has tantrums over the pettiest things. For example, today when he got off the bus, we went upstairs to my apartment so we could put the card he made me up. I hung it on the fridge but he wanted it on the couch. I told him it would get crushed on the couch because people would sit on it and so we would put it on the fridge. Well, he had a very bad tantrum over this. We then had to go back downstairs to wait for his daddy to come and pick him up and we couldn't go back upstairs. He continued the tantrum until his daddy got there about 5 minutes later. Is it normal for a 4-year-old to have a tantrum over such a petty thing?

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What do you do for discipline? It's not easy, but there has to be consequences for wrong behaviour. Otherwise there is no incentive for him to stop. Hint. Bribery is not discipline.

Ave Maria said:

Hey everyone. I have a 4-year-old son. Well, sometimes he has tantrums over the pettiest things. For example, today when he got off the bus, we went upstairs to my apartment so we could put the card he made me up. I hung it on the fridge but he wanted it on the couch. I told him it would get crushed on the couch because people would sit on it and so we would put it on the fridge. Well, he had a very bad tantrum over this. We then had to go back downstairs to wait for his daddy to come and pick him up and we couldn't go back upstairs. He continued the tantrum until his daddy got there about 5 minutes later. Is it normal for a 4-year-old to have a tantrum over such a petty thing?

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Was he in need of a snack or a nap? My mom's solution for a lot of petty tantrums like that was half a peanut butter sandwich & some milk. Most of the time that did the trick, believe it or not.

I have 4 year old and yes it's completely normal at this age. Children are more likely to have tantrums and be upset when they are tired, hungry , or thirsty . Or they are frustrated and don't fully know how to communicate their feelings or what they want. Just stopping to hug or hold them can sometimes redirect a tantrum, or singing a song, or suggesting and redirecting to another activity.

Ave Maria said:

Is it normal for a 4-year-old to have a tantrum over such a petty thing?

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Yes and this usually goes back to the mother not potty training the child properly. To where she wants to be in control rather then to teach him how to be in control of himself. It is basically a power struggle and one day they get married and transfer the fight for control from their mother to their wife. Eventually they have children and end up fighting with them. The story is about the father that would beat his sons into submission. Only one day they grew up and beat him into submission and evened the score for all of that abuse. Perhaps children will abandon their parents in their old age and not take care of them. Putting them in a nursing home where they are neglected and not taken care of properly. My wife does so much for our son that he would not think of not treating her right. Even she is making his car payment for him while he is in college. So he is not about to put his meal ticket at risk. Then she teaches him and raised him that someday he is going to have to take good care of her the same way she is taking good care of him now. I would not count on anything myself. But maybe someday he will pay her back. I heard about one pastor that would take away the games and toys if the kids did not behave themselves. They claim that worked for them. Once I got my son's friends to handcuff him to a spare tire and told him he had to carry that tire around with him. He straightened himself out right away. I was always good friends with his friends because I would buy them pizza and try to help them with the problems they were having in life.

Wut?

Ave Maria said:

.....Well, he had a very bad tantrum over this. We then had to go back downstairs to wait for his daddy to come and pick him up and we couldn't go back upstairs. He continued the tantrum until his daddy got there about 5 minutes later. Is it normal for a 4-year-old to have a tantrum over such a petty thing?

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Yes, for some. No, for others.

hug em and kiss em and tell em you love em, then make them a sandwich and cold chocolate milk

A tantrum is a desperate attempt to get something what they fear they won't get. They fear that if they don't get it, then they will lose some part of their self-worth. Fearing that they will be judged unworthy of what they want.

In this case, the son may have perceived that the card on the couch will be more noticeable for getting the recognition he feels he needs. His father have noticed it more-so on the couch than on the fridge door with all the other stuff. I am only conjecturing here.

Four year olds are still learning how to communicate, not just by language, but by heart, soul, Truth, honesty, without fear of being judged unfavourably (dishonestly). Parents who are humble and meek are more patient, tolerant, allowing, gentle, listening, forgiving, all because they are more aware of the truth. They can talk with a child with a consciousness of honesty, and children respond honestly to that. This is what Jesus means by being like an innocent child.

I have had six four year olds and now a seventh in the form of a grand daughter.

what harm would it have been to put it on the couch? See, one in in his reach and the other is just taken away from him.

so next time. Go to the couch. Take 5 min to hold him on your lap and hush about how nice it is and how you haven’t seen anything like it before. Give him hugs and kisses and say thank you.

when dad comes to get him. Put it wherever you want.

minister to him.

Sometimes a tantrum can be because of brain growth. It can also be frustrating because of communication and other issues because it is hard for them to express themselves properly. Once I found out about a link between tantrums and brain growth I would introduce something new and interesting to my children: Age appropriate math, a new way to use hands (painting, sculpting), a new way of play or motion. And it worked.

Within a day of the tantrum, I would do this and find out they could learn better, or really dove into the new experience. As they get older the indications are different and new hormonal development is taken into account but I have had some of the best homeschool days after something difficult that signaled brain development but could be turned to learning.

Its not always this kind of situation but it is a good bit of the time.

Ave Maria said:

For example, today when he got off the bus, we went upstairs to my apartment so we could put the card he made me up.

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he got off the bus?
is he in preschool at age 4 & riding the bus home?

if so, too long of a day for a 4 yr old
he is just plain tired & probably needs a snack


our child was still napping at age 5
so your child probably needs more rest

1) the naps times aren't as long as they would be at home
2) some kids don't fall asleep
3) all day preschool is a long day for a 4 yr old child

tantrums as soon as he gets home show he's tired
I would take him on your lap & rock him

I think I will back Ave Maria's narrative.

But I do agree with lapping and rocking the child,

redundant

hislegacy said:

I have had six four year olds and now a seventh in the form of a grand daughter.

what harm would it have been to put it on the couch? See, one in in his reach and the other is just taken away from him.

so next time. Go to the couch. Take 5 min to hold him on your lap and hush about how nice it is and how you haven’t seen anything like it before. Give him hugs and kisses and say thank you.

when dad comes to get him. Put it wherever you want.

minister to him.

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I would agree to put it on the couch but only before the tantrum took place. Once a parent says no and the child has a tantrum they cannot reverse their decision otherwise they are teaching the child that if they throw a fit sometimes they will get what they want. That is the worst thing a parent can do. If you say no and they plead without throwing a fit then you can reverse your decision if you want but not after they’ve thrown a fit otherwise they will do it every time they don’t get what they want.

There are many good replies here.

From personal experience with tantrums, discipling for it usually doesn't have a good outcome. It can make the tantrum worse, or it will cause a child to suppress their emotions and feel they can't openly express themselves. It also doesn't address the need that initiates the tantrum to begin with.

I want to echo making sure all the needs are met: hunger, thirst, tiredness, overstimulation, and allow him to make choices about things that don't matter a whole lot and let him try doing things the way he wants to see how it works out.

He might have learned to be careful with a card or he might have been willing to compromise by having it on the couch for a little bit, then putting it on the fridge.

JAM2b said:

There are many good replies here.

From personal experience with tantrums, discipling for it usually doesn't have a good outcome. It can make the tantrum worse, or it will cause a child to suppress their emotions and feel they can't openly express themselves. It also doesn't address the need that initiates the tantrum to begin with.

I want to echo making sure all the needs are met: hunger, thirst, tiredness, overstimulation, and allow him to make choices about things that don't matter a whole lot and let him try doing things the way he wants to see how it works out.

He might have learned to be careful with a card or he might have been willing to compromise by having it on the couch for a little bit, then putting it on the fridge.

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It may be a temperament issue. My younger brother was a monster child and suffered accordingly. My parents followed Solomon's advice religiously! He is still full of resentment, not able to admit that he deserved what he got - which he did.

I think it is James Dobson who wrote "Taming the Strong-willed Child". He writes from a Christian perspective. It was hard in our family because there were 4 kids, all different. Having different discipline rules for one is a recipe for disaster. James Dobson may be a help. Above all, pray for wisdom!

The Bible does prescribe physical discipline as the cure for rebellion. It certainly has its place. How, when and in what attitude is vital. Out of anger just breeds resentment. Solomon wrote about discipline with a "how not to" in mind. David did not discipline the long haired lout who was his eldest son and heir to the throne. Absalom attempted to overthrow David and paid the price. David was heartbroken, but correct discipline may have kept Absalom in check.