Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. I am so sorry you are dealing with such a difficult situation. These forums are great for sharing burdens, venting, and asking for advice. It is understandable the way that you feel. I think that all of us in some point of our lives we had felt in this way. But, please do not feel discourage! Hang it there! Even in the darkest moments in our lives, there’s always hope. Please, can you tell us what does make you think that God does not love you or that He is playing with you a cruel joke? Let me share with you a verse from His Sacred Word that it says: For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. Jeremiah 29 11. I would like to share with you that I know a God, who is a loving, merciful and always wants to take care of us. He tells us that in Hid Sacred Word in 1 Peter 5, 7: Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you. Hope this helps. Sending you hugs. I will keep you in my prayers, my friend in Christ.