I'm trying to become a Christian but I can't

TzephanYahu said:

Shalom Windir,

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Shalom.

I'm sorry to hear about the time you are going through. It sounds like a confusing and trying time, so I can imagine your frustration.

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My frustration comes partly from that I overcomplicate things. My spiritual position used to be neutral, of the 'perennialist' sort, and a few years ago I could not possibly se myself as a Christian. But that changed 'unvolitionally' with time as I familiarized myself more with Jesus. It wasn't by my will but rather happened to me.

Am I right in thinking you only recently became a believer?

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I have been a professing Christian for approx. 1 year.

If so, I would recommend going on serious time out with the Bible. This should be your top priority, before anything else, to really understand God, His Word and His ways. Everything else will fall into place thereafter.

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I have spent some time with the bible, and it didn't take me long to accept that Jesus is true. I intend to explore the bible more with time, but I wouldn't say scripture is my main injunction toward spirituality. I'm more interested in metaphysics and have come to believe in Christianity (as a whole) through philosophical inquiry.

Now secondly, your next priority needs to be baptism and, most importantly, baptism in the Holy Spirit. After your "Bible Retreat", you need to seek this above all things.

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Yes, I view baptism as a crucial ritual to become adopted by God. I view this as my top priority right now, because I feel literally sick by not being baptized.

Again, please check out that page if you don't know where to start on the Scriptures. It helped a new believer friend I know and you might also find it useful.

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Stay focussed on Him and His Word, and you will find rest soon.

Love & Shalom

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Thanks!

Greengardener said:

Dear Friend, the thing you seek is the Only Eternal God. It's not a religion and it's not a denomination. It's Him, the Eternal One. I agree that seeking Him in the pages of the Bible and seeing Him through His Son Jesus Christ is important - do this first and foremost. The rest of your steps will seem brighter and your path easier to see after that. We are here for you.

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Thank you and I agree. I have always been predisposed to the 'inner' path, but I have come to realize that no man is an island, and that I am in need of community as well personally.

Sanoy said:

I think it is very important, especially given your loneliness and estrangement from your father, that you find a loving home in God's church. Find a church that loves you and will grow you spiritually, that is more important that dotting every i and crossing every t. Second, pray for your father. When he comes after you, tell him you love him. When he condemns you tell him you love him. Respond only in love to him. Visit an Orthodox church, visit a Lutheran church, visit the church down the street keep visiting until you see the love of God in that church. Anything less than love is a clanging gong.

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I can reveal that I have found a church - namely the catholic one. Or rather, the catholic church chose me. I have been drawn toward it for a longer time and I feel at home there. Its organizational structure have been beneficial for me.

2PhiloVoid said:

Windir, you can be a Christian without changing your name, so I'm not sure that part or your situation has to be seen as a problem.

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It was more that I actually wanted to change my 'muslim' names to Christian ones, but I have found it superfluous for now. Besides, I do actually have a Christian name as well. I actually did change my name for a while but took it back later because I thought it was disrespectful toward my father and it didn't feel right. A Christian is not a name after all. But yes, these things tend to happen to ethnically mixed persons as a part of cultural confusion. Diversity is always easy for those that are not actually part of it.

Moreover, and directly to the point, in being a Christian, one doesn't have to conflict with one's relatives. While we as Christians should remain resolute in our faith, we are to be peaceable as we do this, so there shouldn't be any reason for family conflict and there should be no reason for deep conflict. Is your dad an abusive father, by chance? Because if he's not really Muslim but a liberal, I'm not seeing why there HAS TO BE a problem or conflict.

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No my father is a liberal minded person who likes esoteric religion (like sufism) but not the organizational variety. But there are some things we cannot choose. I have come to realize that there is a default conflict between Christian and muslim cultural, because the one has Jesus and the other does not. And this has real spiritual consequenses.

Gracia Singh said:

Prayers, my friend. My interest in the Catholic Church has kind of damaged my relationship with husband and family. It's not fun. But I wouldn't trade what I have now for any amount of amiability, or acceptance. It is not easy, and I hear you on this. But once you take a step to be firm and committed, the courage and peace that Christ gives you is awesome.

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Thank you, it looks like we might be fellow catholics in due time.

I would strongly encourage you to look into Eastern Orthodoxy over Lutheranism. There are tonnes of really awesome Eastern Orthodox Christians on this site, who can help you.

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I have, I was not far away from becoming Orthodox, but ultimately fell away from it. Although I have Greek heritage, I have no connection to Greek language or culture. I visited the Romanian Catholic church and liked it but it was too alien to me. Catholicism is at least historically well established in Sweden, and I am able to participate in Swedish church service, which is my first language.

aiki said:

No one has what it takes to be a Christian. That's why God has to work in us to bring us to Christ and salvation. And He not only has to get us to the place where we believe the Gospel but He must continue to transform us inwardly, over time making us more and more like Jesus.

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Yes perhaps the title should have said 'I struggle to BE a Christian'. But anyway, who doesn't? It's a very 'counter-instinctive' religion in many ways.

Imagine how difficult conversion was for the first Christians who were often imprisoned and killed in horrible ways because of their faith!

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I view their strong commitment and willingness to die as a strong testimony for Christ. I'm not sure I am ready to die for Christ the same way they did but I do want to walk with Christ through death.

Christianity is about Christ, not ritual and community. If you have Christ, if the Spirit of Christ dwells within you, you have the best and most important thing God can give to you.

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I agree, Christianity is supposed to assist us in becoming autonomous sons and daughters of God.

And this has been awkward for you? It has kept you socially isolated? Or are you maybe a withdrawn, introverted type of person?

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Highly introverted as well as socio-culturally alienated. I never really fit into any category andd generally shun all kinds of groupmentality.

There is always a cost to walking with God, to being a disciple of Jesus. He warned us in the Bible that this would be so.

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Sure thing!

I would not place your eternal destiny second to a good relationship with your father. Rather, pray for your father. What he needs is God, not a good relationship with you. And if he finds God, truly finds Him, your relationship with him will be healed.

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Thanks.

Struggling with demons? How so?

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We all have our demons don't we.

aiki said:

Well, when a believer understands what Paul's "to me to live is Christ" really means, the struggling to be a Christian ceases.

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It depends I guess. My impression is that Christianity is an all or nothing religion. You could say that the entire modern western way of life with its unrestrained subjective freedoms is a natural reaction against the objective boundaries of Christianity. Since Christianity is indeed 'unnatural', it is a hard religion to follow. In this sense I'm not sure Christianity is struggle-free. I have found the spiritual path to be one of hardship. It might be easy to profess Christianity but another thing to be one.

Um, I don't understand what you mean, here. If there is one thing God intends for His children, it is the end of their sense of autonomy. The mature Christian is the one who has realized how utterly dependent upon God s/he is. (John 15:5)

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I mean that Christ grants us spiritual 'autonomy' as individuals. So by giving ourselves up to God we paradoxically gain independence from the world. Secular materialism seems to do the opposite - becoming independent of God but a 'captive' to the world.

I guess you haven't read Paul's words about the Body of Believers, the Bride of Christ, the Church and how all believers are "members one of another," fitting together in a tightly-knit community to the benefit of one another and to the furtherance of the work of God in the world. You can't "shun all kinds of group-mentality" and be a spiritually-healthy, God-honoring Christian. (1 Corinthians 12:12-21; Hebrews 10:24-25; 1 John 3:14)

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That's not what I mean by group-mentality. In my view, Christianity is individual relationships based on reciprocity through love. That is unity through differentiation. Group-mentality would be the opposite - absorbing and dissolving the individual soul into a generalized group - like modern ideology or new age spirituality. Jesus Christ was the opposite of group-mentality.

Not as I walk well with God, no.

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Good for you I wish I had found him earlier.

Hazelelponi said:

@Windir -

1.) There's no need to change your name unless you so desire. God knows your name, and He knows who you are...

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To be honest I did change my name but then changed it back out of fear of God. Because who am I to change my name? As you point out, only God knows my name and I felt I had wrong intent for changing it.

2) Baptism. I understand. I felt so compelled to be baptised after I was saved the pull seemed unimaginably strong. God wants you to be baptised - but at the same time, your not going to hell if you don't do it today and happen to die.. no worries.

It's symbolic, an outer thing to show your inner change, and also the public pronouncement of your faith in Christ.. so it's multi layered, but you have the time you need to find the place of your baptism..

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If I continue to pursue Catholicism I will be baptised next Easter which sounds about right. I do not think baptism is purely symbolic because I don't think that matter is entirely devoid of spirit, which is partially why I feel an urge to get it done. I hope it is not spiritual greed. Mostly I think it is because of my inner desire to belong to a family and a community, and hopefully become spiritually refreshed. We do not enter this world without sin.

3) Churches are terribly confusing. Visit many churches praying for God's guidance to the place He wants you to be. And you have time to find it.

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I have visited many churches by now and am mostly compelled by the Catholic mother church.

4) Family.

What is your age? If underage don't lie, but there's no need to rock the boat too much. You don't have to tell your father anything..especially if it would cause undo hardship..

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Late 20's. I know I don't have to tell anyone but it's not like I can hide it either. I am explicitly against secularism, or that religion is merely a private matter. Especially in these times I would think it hazardous for Christians to be private and/or anonymous.

Let your father accept you as an adult, a fellow human being who can make independent decisions where concerns your life, or let him reject you for your choices - and be willing and ready to face that rejection should it come.

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This is not how it works in muslim culture. You are always subordinate to your elders, like you are to God. What makes Christianity different is that God have showed his face and became our equal, so that we could become individuals and friends even with our fathers. This has Not happened in Islam.

My mother rejected me, but our relationship wasn't good anyway. I came to the decision that my life is mine to live as I believe and not hers to dictate...

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My own experience tells me that an absent father is worse than an absent mother. Generally speaking I would say that an overprotective mother damages her son; and conversely an underprotective father damages his daughter.

Time does pass for us all, after all.. and time heals wounds.

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Unfortunately, Islam is locked in time, which makes people from islamic cultures especially unforgiving with long memories.

So don't worry too much, just be willing to be your own man, and live out your beliefs. It's difficult to stand, but if your of age, it's time to stand on your own feet.

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With God's help.

I'll pray for you..

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Appreciate it.

TzephanYahu said:

Interesting. Would do you mean exactly as this is probably a foundational root to everything you perceive thereafter

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I should clarify. Obviously reading about Jesus in the Gospels convinced me of Christ, but I did believe in God before that. I believe that the Holy Ghost is active all the time, and everywhere, and can inspire anyone even if they have not heard of Jesus conceptually. I became positive towards Christianity through becoming critical of modernity, and then by reevaluating my metaphysical assumptions about reality (which became starkly opposed to materialism). And then I realized the primacy of Christ. But I am not the 'sola scriptura' type of guy, since I believe spirituality is prior to letters. Once upon a time a majority of people couldn't read, and spiritual tales were carried orally. In my view, exoteric teachings has to a certain extent stultified direct spiritual insight. Faith is not just about a verbal assent to an intellectual proposition. Hence why I'm inclined towards Catholicism, especially since I recently got briefly acquainted with St. Thomas Aquinas philosophy which confirmed and spelled out my own earlier thoughts about God in a much more rigorous way.

TzephanYahu said:

I see what you are saying and agree, in part.

But this road can lead away from Yahweh pretty quickly. It starts with good and sound presentation but will meander from the truth eventually, in my view.

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The bible cannot of course be set aside. We need the Word of God as spiritual bread more than we need churches. Just look at New Age spirituality, which seems to lead nowhere except drugs, spiritual greed and self-neglect.

Scripture is like an anchor in our understanding and walk. It is specific at times and ambiguious at others - leaving interaction and adaptability for the Spirit. But again, it is specific at times, which is to serve as an absolute. Like a solid rock in stormy seas of man's wisdom, comprehension, struggles and ulterior motives.

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I would have no issues with that.

Therefore, if we allow Scripture to be seen as only an old guide and not spiritual itself, it gives rise for troubling passages to be explained away or ignored, absolving the reader, as and when.

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It seems to me that 'Sola Scriptura' and 'Sola Fide' tend to do this, as the approach becomes purely formalistic, which then leads to convenient relativistic interpretations.

Now, true, spirituality is more than letter. But these are not mere letters describing events and genealogies. The Scripture is spiritual. The Scripture is alive, and not simply dead words on a page. That is how it seems to keep out the casual of students. But, the more we read it the more it changes dynamically and reveals its secrets - specific secrets - which no spiritual meditation could avail alone. This is because the Spirit of Yahweh uses our knowledge of the Scriptures almost as a "vocabulary" of wisdom to teach us, in all things. The less Scripture we read and know, the vaguer the guidance is or hazier the message.

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I am glad that you emphasize this, because according to my metaphysics there is no strict division between spirit and matter, which necessarily would entail that Scripture is spiritual.

So I would say that reading Scripture and believing that every word and even letter is intentional will help your spirituality grow to another level, as you devote your understanding of Yahweh in the many levels of wisdom that the Spirit can expound for you, once you have increased that "vocabulary".

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This coincides with my reading of the bible, which seems to carry deeper spiritual layers and truths beneath the literal surface, that perhaps works on us unconsciously until we digest and integrate them.

If you want to see why I say that every word and letter is intentional, check out the various types of supernatural codes within the Hebrew and Greek text here.

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I had no idea, sounds intriguing!

I hope you see where I'm coming from. I'm not judging, just sharing another point of view for your consideration.

Love & Shalom

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You're welcome, my intention was not to belittle scripture. I think it is both literally valid (mostly) as well as esoterically valid reading between the lines. In fact, I find the wisdom of the bible lies in its sheer accesible simplicity, while simultaneously being profound, which sets it apart from other more philosophically 'advanced' doctrines such as Buddhism and Hinduism, which are profound but lack divine simplicity.