I met A single mom on Tinder who just started going to a Born Again church for 4 months.

Vendetta99

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So I met this single mom in Tinder for about 3 months now... in her profile, it reads "I want to be with someone who loves God more than himself and eventually, Love God more than me"... so I was guessing that she is a Christian... or maybe a church leader even. When I visited her Facebook page, she was actually a single mom and that she was still very new in going to church. Our initial conversation was just chatting and after two weeks I started calling her and eventually her calling me sometimes.


When she knew I was a Christian, that was the time she stopped on Tinder and said: "ahh finally someone who is Christian."

She hasn't read the Bible yet so I at least tried to help her with Bible reading and even stating she should read John first... and every time she finishes reading a chapter, I would give a short summary about the verse... after around 3 weeks we finished with John and I gave a whole summary about it.

Around 2 weeks ago we also finished Matthew as well.


So after all this time, I still didn't court her yet but we had a lot in common and talk to the phone for like every day and eventually did video calls as well. I tried to be as honest as I can be in our conversations and even told about my pasts and negatives... she somehow still accepted for what I am and am sensing attraction in our conversations as she is always happy to hear from me or even call me (I think?). Sometimes she would be the one to initiate the call as well.


I told her everything about me being kind of a shut-in (or NEET), and that I am a bit weird which she still does accept for who I am. I sing songs for her every day (in the phone because she requested it) and even write poems although not really hinting that it's directed to her I also have a feeling that she kinda gets the signal (or so I think?)... she even records them in her phone and sometimes let her child listen to it (who I also talk on the phone sometimes in calls and video calls listen to my poems and me singing).


After around 3 months we decided that we will meet each other since we only have a 45-minute distance to each other... She did ask me if anything was going to change after we meet and I was confused and asked even further. And then she was even worried that if my parents found out that I am talking to a single mom, she might get judged by them and even asked me:


"so will there be changes after we meet I wonder? Like maybe old habits will die... The way we used to do every day, every night, every now and then... The chats, late convos... I am really just afraid your parents will judge me just because I am a single mom... it happened with my ex before and is the reason why we broke up.... depression is no joke at all and it really affected me before... but I am strong after all... and I am willing for that to happen all over again."


I don't know if I was too assuming? But the way she texts... the way her voice sounds during calls... it feels like she is attracted at least? Or is this all in my imagination and I am just assuming she is attracted to me?


During the day when we were meeting, her daughter was confused why all of a sudden she was going to go somewhere without her as she always is with her every time she goes to the city. Also, she created an alibi to her mother (which takes care of her daughter while she is away). I forgot to mention that they are 1 hour apart from travel with her daughter and is living in an apartment near her workplace... she works 6 days a week as a sales clerk and only has 1 day off a week. In 1 month, she can only afford to go home twice in every 2 weeks as a travel fee is costly for her.


I was kind of hesitant as I did have phobias in past meetups with women because it's either I get ghosted or get slowly faded... the good thing on those women was I did not invest that much feelings for them so I didn't even get hurt. So we met in person, shaken hands, talked a lot about what we usually talked on the phone and This case, on the other hand, I do have feelings for her though I did not tell her about it yet at that time. When we did meet, it was kind of awkward at first and then I acted a little weird due to anxiety. We had a little Bible Study after that and even prayed together before leaving.


I always checked to see if some behavior has changed after our meeting... just right after the meeting, it all felt fine until the way she texts kinda changes... there's no usual smiley or that her texts felt kinda bland (or at least I thought it was kind of bland). During our conversations, we were always as honest as possible... though we never really opened up about what we feel for each other. But she did compare me to her ex a lot of times but she also assures that she has already moved on as it was already 2 years ago and they never spoke again...


So in the first day after the meeting, I sensed a small change in her behavior and I was asking what was wrong... she felt guilty that she lied to her mom and left her daughter having to spend some time with me. She had a heavy heart already even before we met. I told her that we are never doing things like this again.


She also told me about why she is afraid of my parents. It was because of her ex's parents that told them to break up with her because she is a single mom. And that because she was a single mom is what caused her parents and relatives to ultimately cause their relationship to break up. So she is afraid at some point that my parents will know that I am communicating with her... but she did say that she is "strong enough to fight it and is willing to go for it all over again if she has to"... I am not sure what it means... maybe you guys can translate?


So the next few days, the texts and calls got lesser and lesser as I was expecting and I was asking her about it again... and this is where I got a taste of how she is when she is angry:


(COPIED TEXT FROM HER)

"Why are you acting like this? you treat me like I am not your friend anymore and I came to a thought of "what are we?". Every day, I feel like you oblige me to respond to every message and call. Which is I don't know what you want to happen between the two of us? You care for me too much that I don't even know how to label it. If you don't have plans for me then put please put some boundaries.


It is annoying to the point that you are acting like a boyfriend which in fact you are not. I won't say it's okay cause it's really not. It's almost getting creepy like you will ask how busy I am, what time this and that, you are acting like my ex when we were together... not when he was still courting me. He is acting like you are right now when we were together and it became worse day by day.

It's almost I can't breathe... It is suffocating actually. It's like I don't have a will of my own... It's like every hour and every minute I have to update. I mean you are not even in a relationship yet and you are acting like that... how much more if you do get a relationship?


We have our own world... there are things that need privacy. Even husbands and wives should put a little space that respect and trust remains. We can't evolve our attention to one thing only. Everyone has their own life. The more you hold on to something, the more it slips, The more it loosens... and You are too innocent to realize that.


That doesn't mean that you cut the connection, you have just let them breathe. If living a sheltered innocent life is what you chose, then live with that if you are happy with it. No need to change your self just to please everybody. I hope in a way, you get my point. Anyways... what's bygone is bygone... May God bless you and your holy mind.


After that, I was speechless and labeled myself with one sentence: CLINGY EVEN WHEN STILL NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. I was speechless because I thought she was okay with it... I didn't notice that I was getting annoying... or maybe I was just basing it to the tone of her voice from the calls/video calls, I posted a long list of "sorry for not noticing" and eventually told her what I felt for her but she just said, "just sleep".


And as of this writing, this is pretty much what happened between the two of us... hope you guys can give me your input on how to deal with the situation and hopefully I can sleep well tonight... I have a high chance of getting 3 AM Thoughts all over again as I have anxiety... but here's to me I get a good night's sleep. I prayed to God that night asking what just happened... prayed to him to heal me as my ego and feelings were really hurt... that I thought I was doing the right thing but not anymore.
 
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BryanJohnMaloney

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dodge a bullet? why?

Toxic. She was spewing venom at you. If your account of events is at all accurate, she's quite the little pit viper. She would have inevitably cast you as the villain in her life, responsible for all her misery. She would have put her old boyfriend's skin on you (figuratively), and there was nothing could do to prevent it. You dodged a bullet.
 
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Vendetta99

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Toxic. She was spewing venom at you. If your account of events is at all accurate, she's quite the little pit viper. She would have inevitably cast you as the villain in her life, responsible for all her misery. She would have put her old boyfriend's skin on you (figuratively), and there was nothing could do to prevent it. You dodged a bullet.
She is very stressed at the moment because she is conflicted of whether to accept her job offer in another company with a bigger salary, or stay with her current company where she is comfortable... and that there will be a lot of challenges and things getting used to once she is there.

She is also stressed about the fact that there are losses to her account and she only found it as she is about to resign... before she resigns, she must have a replacement and train them.

Next month is the birthday of her daughter and is saddened by the fact that she doesn't have enough money for her birthday... so maybe part of the reason why she is stressed and spewed venom at me.

Also, can you educate me clearly what "dodged a bullet mean?" I am not so fond with these terms or words...
 
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BryanJohnMaloney

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She is very stressed at the moment because she is conflicted of whether to accept her job offer in another company with a bigger salary, or stay with her current company where she is comfortable... and that there will be a lot of challenges and things getting used to once she is there.

She is also stressed about the fact that there are losses to her account and she only found it as she is about to resign... before she resigns, she must have a replacement and train them.

Next month is the birthday of her daughter and is saddened by the fact that she doesn't have enough money for her birthday... so maybe part of the reason why she is stressed and spewed venom at me.

You're making excuses for her. That's what abuse victims do. I understand. I've been the victim of emotional abuse by a former wife. I made a lot of excuses for her at the time.
 
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Vendetta99

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You're making excuses for her. That's what abuse victims do. I understand. I've been the victim of emotional abuse by a former wife. I made a lot of excuses for her at the time.
everything was going so well up until that very day where she spewed everything to me.. some others told me I was too clingy or cared too much that it turned her off... is being clingy a big turn off for women?
 
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everything was going so well up until that very day where she spewed everything to me.. some others told me I was too clingy or cared too much that it turned her off... is being clingy a big turn off for women?
Yes. Men are supposed to lead, not to be emotional and act like a woman. She is a single mother, a new Christian, full of various fears etc. She must deserve you, not you her.
 
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Vendetta99

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Yes. Men are supposed to lead, not to be emotional and act like a woman. She is a single mother, a new Christian, full of various fears etc. She must deserve you, not you her.
so does this mean that I will have to wait a few more days before she cools off and have a possible explanation about what happened? It's really disheartening that we talked almost everyday and then POOF
 
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so does this mean that I will have to wait a few more days before she cools off and have a possible explanation about what happened? It's really disheartening that we talked almost everyday and then POOF
No. It means that you must not be dependent on her and on her emotions and moods. Leave her and live your life as a strong man. She is not the purpose of your life. Let her be and do not wait on her. Single mothers are complicated issue. Find an easier girl.
 
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BryanJohnMaloney

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Yes. Men are supposed to lead, not to be emotional and act like a woman. She is a single mother, a new Christian, full of various fears etc. She must deserve you, not you her.

And your current marriage has been how long?
 
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BryanJohnMaloney

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so does this mean that I will have to wait a few more days before she cools off and have a possible explanation about what happened? It's really disheartening that we talked almost everyday and then POOF

No, it means you dodged a bullet. Stop running toward the gun.
 
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Kenny'sID

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It concerns me greatly that she laid all that on you at once, and there was no clue before hand she was feeling any of it...Yikes!

You've known her for awhile now, but were you just now introduced to Miss Hyde?

EDIT:

You may want to stay away as advised, or at the very least, don't contact here at all, and leave that up to her. But even then/if she calls, you'll need to put a lot of thought into trying to figure out if this will work, and unfortunately "try" is all you can do, you may never know for certain till it's too late. You can go with your gut, just make sure your gut isn't lying to you because it tells you what you want to hear.
.
 
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A_Thinker

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everything was going so well up until that very day where she spewed everything to me.. some others told me I was too clingy or cared too much that it turned her off... is being clingy a big turn off for women?
yes ...
 
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A_Thinker

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Next month is the birthday of her daughter and is saddened by the fact that she doesn't have enough money for her birthday... so maybe part of the reason why she is stressed and spewed venom at me.
She really wasn't spewing venom at you.

She was trying to tell you to give her some space ... and room to breathe. That's not spewing venom.

My wife and I dated for 3 1/2 years before we married. In the beginning (i.e. the first year or so), ... we may have communicated to each other maybe once every other day. Later on in the relationship, we may have communicated, at max, a couple or three times a day.

If you are communicating to this young woman more than a couple times a day, ... you are really overdoing it. You've got to give any relationship TIME to develop. Meanwhile, find some other things to do with your time ...
 
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ChicanaRose

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No, it means you dodged a bullet. Stop running toward the gun.

@Vendetta99, I totally agree with the above statement. You do not have to willingly walk into this kind of situation. There are people who are stuck in a familial relationship with toxic people (whether they are already married or born into the same household with the toxic person). You have a choice as of now. And I encourage you to choose healthy over toxic for yourself. You can pray for her but do not have to get involved.
 
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