(My bf became born again when he met me) She insinuates that ones we get married and have children I'm going to take him away from her. She insist on cleaning his house and doing his laundry. My bf travels a lot for work, so when he's gone I take care of his house like watering plants etc. But she has been making it such a big deal that this is her responsibility. (Bytheway he's 28) But she will never ever say it to my face. In all of this I have tried to do the Christian thing and always be nice and cordial, even buying her gifts when there is no special occasion for it. My bf has definitely tried to defend me and made it clear he's not leaving me, but it is getting to a point whereby it's too much to handle. If I was some evil gf it would make sense why a mother would act this way, but I have been nothing but good to her son and her, despite her behaviour towards me. We are not even married yet and I can't imagine dealing with such a narcissistic woman for the rest of my life. And now she's standing in the way of us getting married.. But she is his mother and I can't change that. Do I confront her or not?
There is some good advice on here... but here is a different idea:
No, you should not be the one to confront, but I don't think your boyfriend confronting his mom is the greatest idea either. Also, you should not "nag" him about it because he may end up resenting both you
and his mother (I'm not suggesting you would).
The issue is
how should your boyfriend get his mother to back up without hurting her? She obviously loves him dearly and is afraid of not being as close to him as she is now. I think the key is not to just slap her with a big, sudden change, but to start slow and gradual.
At this point, if I were him, I wouldn't even make it anything about you. I would make this about me taking on more responsibility for my life and slowly working my mom out of the "inner circle" and putting her into the "wise-mom-for-big- decisions" circle. He's 28 years old and his mother is still doing everything for him? He should start by taking the initiative in managing his own house and life. I'm not trying to be a jerk- if he already is trying to do that, great! Good man! But what needs to happen is he needs to gradually "work his mom out of a job," so to speak. Or maybe better to say, "give her a different job". If he's interested in the idea, but doesn't know how to do some things, maybe you could teach him (but don't do it
for him).
He can let his mom down tactfully by giving her all kinds of thanks and love in the process... maybe something like, "Hey mom, you're so amazing! Thank you so much for all you do! I love you tons, but I got this!" Then when his mom comes over and finds he already did his own laundry, cleaning, etc. She might just step back and let him do his thing and soak up all his compliments (maybe he can get her small gifts once in a while- like flowers or something- for the sugar on top). If he feels any bitterness, he should try to just keep that to himself and be positive towards her.
Maybe he could even let his dad in on the plan (if he's around) and see if he can take her out on dates or something to draw her attention away from your boyfriend... Plus, it works out good for his dad too!
Once she gets accustomed to him taking care of himself, she might trust his judgment more on his choice of women and might not feel so threatened by you.
Hope it all works out! God bless!