Well, let me just say I am truly sorry for whatever it was or is that you were going through at that time. I mean that. No child should ever feel as though they have been abandoned by their parents or God. I struggled for years with prayer and wondering if God hears me or not, today i can say with all certainty that God does hear and answer prayers, for me i am on the prayer team at my church and have the privilege to pray for others hurts, needs, wants and joys. I have seen God answer prayers and have seen some go unanswered. I cant say why God doesnt answer prayers but there is a reason and it is up to us to find that reason, sometime He wants us to use whatever is afflicting us for the betterment of others or for our own testimony. turning from God isnt they way to get an answer to any prayers made 20 years ago or today. If i was to pray for you i would ask God to impart wisdom to you, the wisdom to know that God is sovereign and that He loves you no matter how you feel today or what you have done. He even loves you when you are convinced He is man made. Quack, keep searching my friend God has a plan for you even if you dont see it. Someday you will and then you will know Him. Blessing to you. I am going to pray for you.
