um hello... is it possible for me to go to heaven if i misled two of God’s people down the path of destruction?
i keep seeing things that point to eternal death, that God would avenge them by sending me to hell.
am i really doomed to hell..? is there no one who can save me?
(p.s: here is a little backstory: i first went to church 12 years ago, said the salvation prayer without knowing the meaning, and received the Holy Spirit and the gift of tongues when a pastor prayed for the congregation to receive. i began walking with God going with two ideas (one that i heard a pastor preach, and the other something an older Christian friend lived by): that ‘good things happen to people who believe that God loves them’, and to be ‘fully reliant on God’. i began to choose to believe that God loved me as i wanted good things to happen, and i chose to trust in God. I experienced so much joy walking with God and seeing miracles.
but that didnt last for long. the friend that brought me to church dumped me on a counsellor, whom i had trouble opening up to, and could not see me on a regular basis. after a while, i found myself alone in the walk, full of questions. i wondered what was right and wrong, and how to behave as a Christian. i asked some people in a caregroup i joined, and the answer i got was to be myself. and i began looking back at who i used to be like, and began living like i did in the past - in depression. i also began trying to find out who i was, and began becoming very self focused.
i still tried to share Jesus with people, but got severely influenced by a close friend who rejected Christ saying he wanted someone tangible. he made me sound crazy. i began to have thoughts that God wasnt real and that He was only in my imagination. i began living this way from then on.
then i started having thoughts that i had to play God and save the world. that i had to sin like them to understand their problems to be able to help them. i began focusing on everyone around me looking for people to help. and could not live my own life.
i was very attacked by the enemy. i had thoughts saying i had to sin to become a sinner to qualify for the sinners prayer.
my basics were very weak, i was led astray, and people around me, such as a leader, could not help much. when i was wondering what sin was, my leader said that she didnt want to talk about it, and sternly refused to talk about what sin was. the church i attended told us to not be sin conscious but to be Christ conscious.
because of the lack of guidance, or inappropriate guidance, i began backsliding. i heard the pastor preach about the world and i wondered what the world was like. he also said the devil was the god of this world. i began becoming very conscious of the devil.
i lived confused and misled and felt very lonely in my walk. my family were unbelievers, and i didnt really know who to turn to.
i also struggled with social anxiety which saw me hiding at home a lot. but i couldnt feel safe for long. my family became hostile too, with my mom harassing me daily with her negative venting of emotions and complaining, and my dad getting angry unreasonably, and making me feel small and unsafe.
i began to think of dying, and during this time, my mom gave me the idea that maybe my depression would get better if i had a life partner, and she said she wanted to introduce some guy from my dads company to me.
later on, i mistook another guy as the one, and contacted him. after a while i grew to think he was awesome, and wanted to continue contacting him. But God told me he was not the one for me. but i had already envisioned a life with him and saw hope in him. In a moment of rashness, i foolishly abandoned God for him, thinking he could help me out of the pit i was in.
i trusted fully in him, but he turned out to only want to take advantage of me. i wanted to leave him, and thought that if he was seeing this other girl, i should move on. but he wasnt honest and confused me. i was upset with him and felt betrayed, so i used God’s word and name against him. i ended up turning him and the other girl he was seeing away from God by accident, and i think they began to rebel against God. they began doing sorcery to attack me, and God told me to do some things to bring them back to Him. but i didnt out of fear and unworthiness. yet later on when i was under severe attack and suffering greatly, i tried using my own efforts to make them stop. God showed me later that i only ended up misleading them down the path of destruction.
i started to see evil, demonic things, and that i would go to hell. i feel very hopeless. is there still hope for me to go to heaven if God has shown me that He would avenge them by sending me to hell because i misled them down the path of destruction?)
i keep seeing things that point to eternal death, that God would avenge them by sending me to hell.
am i really doomed to hell..? is there no one who can save me?
(p.s: here is a little backstory: i first went to church 12 years ago, said the salvation prayer without knowing the meaning, and received the Holy Spirit and the gift of tongues when a pastor prayed for the congregation to receive. i began walking with God going with two ideas (one that i heard a pastor preach, and the other something an older Christian friend lived by): that ‘good things happen to people who believe that God loves them’, and to be ‘fully reliant on God’. i began to choose to believe that God loved me as i wanted good things to happen, and i chose to trust in God. I experienced so much joy walking with God and seeing miracles.
but that didnt last for long. the friend that brought me to church dumped me on a counsellor, whom i had trouble opening up to, and could not see me on a regular basis. after a while, i found myself alone in the walk, full of questions. i wondered what was right and wrong, and how to behave as a Christian. i asked some people in a caregroup i joined, and the answer i got was to be myself. and i began looking back at who i used to be like, and began living like i did in the past - in depression. i also began trying to find out who i was, and began becoming very self focused.
i still tried to share Jesus with people, but got severely influenced by a close friend who rejected Christ saying he wanted someone tangible. he made me sound crazy. i began to have thoughts that God wasnt real and that He was only in my imagination. i began living this way from then on.
then i started having thoughts that i had to play God and save the world. that i had to sin like them to understand their problems to be able to help them. i began focusing on everyone around me looking for people to help. and could not live my own life.
i was very attacked by the enemy. i had thoughts saying i had to sin to become a sinner to qualify for the sinners prayer.
my basics were very weak, i was led astray, and people around me, such as a leader, could not help much. when i was wondering what sin was, my leader said that she didnt want to talk about it, and sternly refused to talk about what sin was. the church i attended told us to not be sin conscious but to be Christ conscious.
because of the lack of guidance, or inappropriate guidance, i began backsliding. i heard the pastor preach about the world and i wondered what the world was like. he also said the devil was the god of this world. i began becoming very conscious of the devil.
i lived confused and misled and felt very lonely in my walk. my family were unbelievers, and i didnt really know who to turn to.
i also struggled with social anxiety which saw me hiding at home a lot. but i couldnt feel safe for long. my family became hostile too, with my mom harassing me daily with her negative venting of emotions and complaining, and my dad getting angry unreasonably, and making me feel small and unsafe.
i began to think of dying, and during this time, my mom gave me the idea that maybe my depression would get better if i had a life partner, and she said she wanted to introduce some guy from my dads company to me.
later on, i mistook another guy as the one, and contacted him. after a while i grew to think he was awesome, and wanted to continue contacting him. But God told me he was not the one for me. but i had already envisioned a life with him and saw hope in him. In a moment of rashness, i foolishly abandoned God for him, thinking he could help me out of the pit i was in.
i trusted fully in him, but he turned out to only want to take advantage of me. i wanted to leave him, and thought that if he was seeing this other girl, i should move on. but he wasnt honest and confused me. i was upset with him and felt betrayed, so i used God’s word and name against him. i ended up turning him and the other girl he was seeing away from God by accident, and i think they began to rebel against God. they began doing sorcery to attack me, and God told me to do some things to bring them back to Him. but i didnt out of fear and unworthiness. yet later on when i was under severe attack and suffering greatly, i tried using my own efforts to make them stop. God showed me later that i only ended up misleading them down the path of destruction.
i started to see evil, demonic things, and that i would go to hell. i feel very hopeless. is there still hope for me to go to heaven if God has shown me that He would avenge them by sending me to hell because i misled them down the path of destruction?)
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