I have been feeling depressed about my loneliness lately. I live on my own and don't have any friends except for my family and even then I'm more of a babysitter. I don't have any strong emotional connections in my life and I fear it's driving me crazy.
It's making me feel very depressed and scared.
Last year I really wanted a boyfriend and started writing letters to my "future husband" (cheesy i know) and I prayed asking God if it was His will for my life to either help me find somebody, or accept my singleness and be fulfilled by Him. I would get these hollow aches in the side of my chest near my heart and it felt like a vacuum. I kept telling myself I had to find my fulfillment in God alone and be strong, but the hollow pain never left. It got stronger.
(Please don't judge the following, I'm well aware what I did was wrong and the whole attachment was rather foolish, don't remind me please)
I met someone on Reddit and we hit it off almost instantly. We'd talk for hours and it only seemed like a minute. I felt like I could tell him anything and we shared a lot. He helped me through some major life changes and I felt so safe for the first time in my life even though he wasn't there "with" me. We talked for a whole year. Last month it faded and he doesn't talk to me anymore. It hurts so bad. We were supposed to meet several times but it never happened due to money and circumstance.
I discovered a desire in myself I didn't know existed. I wanted to be this guy's wife and have children with him. I wanted to have a family of my own. Before I felt like God designed me to be celibate and live on my own. I felt like wanting a man was a sign of emotional weakness and that I was way beyond that.
Now I'm in pieces. I feel empty from this guy's departure in my world. The lonely ache I had last year has returned. He's not my best friend anymore. I can't talk to him about things or ask for advice or anything. When I was hurting or scared he'd tell me he was there. That made me feel so safe. Now that's over and I'm hurting from it. I can't believe after a year he can just stop talking to me as if nothing we could have had mattered.
I guess the right thing to do is find the filling to this gaping hole in God. But I don't know how. I pray asking God to fill my heart and help me stop wanting a guy and be fulfilled only by Him. But the ache is still here. It makes me writhe in emotional pain. I've been crying every night because of it. I just want to be loved by a man. I want to feel wanted. And safe.
I want this pain to go away so I can move on! I'm wasting my life being hurt over this !
How do you find lasting fulfillment in God? How can I get this hollow feeling filled? It's the most emptiest feeling ever.
It's making me feel very depressed and scared.
Last year I really wanted a boyfriend and started writing letters to my "future husband" (cheesy i know) and I prayed asking God if it was His will for my life to either help me find somebody, or accept my singleness and be fulfilled by Him. I would get these hollow aches in the side of my chest near my heart and it felt like a vacuum. I kept telling myself I had to find my fulfillment in God alone and be strong, but the hollow pain never left. It got stronger.
(Please don't judge the following, I'm well aware what I did was wrong and the whole attachment was rather foolish, don't remind me please)
I met someone on Reddit and we hit it off almost instantly. We'd talk for hours and it only seemed like a minute. I felt like I could tell him anything and we shared a lot. He helped me through some major life changes and I felt so safe for the first time in my life even though he wasn't there "with" me. We talked for a whole year. Last month it faded and he doesn't talk to me anymore. It hurts so bad. We were supposed to meet several times but it never happened due to money and circumstance.
I discovered a desire in myself I didn't know existed. I wanted to be this guy's wife and have children with him. I wanted to have a family of my own. Before I felt like God designed me to be celibate and live on my own. I felt like wanting a man was a sign of emotional weakness and that I was way beyond that.
Now I'm in pieces. I feel empty from this guy's departure in my world. The lonely ache I had last year has returned. He's not my best friend anymore. I can't talk to him about things or ask for advice or anything. When I was hurting or scared he'd tell me he was there. That made me feel so safe. Now that's over and I'm hurting from it. I can't believe after a year he can just stop talking to me as if nothing we could have had mattered.
I guess the right thing to do is find the filling to this gaping hole in God. But I don't know how. I pray asking God to fill my heart and help me stop wanting a guy and be fulfilled only by Him. But the ache is still here. It makes me writhe in emotional pain. I've been crying every night because of it. I just want to be loved by a man. I want to feel wanted. And safe.
I want this pain to go away so I can move on! I'm wasting my life being hurt over this !
How do you find lasting fulfillment in God? How can I get this hollow feeling filled? It's the most emptiest feeling ever.