New 'Fun' thread

RobNJ

So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish!
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Human Scarecrow.jpg
 
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Philip_B

Bread is Blessed & Broken Wine is Blessed & Poured
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The irony of this is that if he was human, looking at his phone, he would be likewise completely harmless.
I think you meant armless!
 
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ArmyMatt

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prodromos

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It's been a while since this has been posted...

William Safire's Rules for Writers
  • Remember to never split an infinitive.
  • A preposition is something never to end a sentence with.
  • The passive voice should never be used.
  • Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
  • Don't use no double negatives.
  • Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't.
  • Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.
  • Do not put statements in the negative form.
  • Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  • No sentence fragments.
  • Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
  • Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
  • If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
  • A writer must not shift your point of view.
  • Eschew dialect, irregardless.
  • And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  • Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
  • Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
  • Hyphenate between sy-
    llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
  • Write all adverbial forms correct.
  • Don't use contractions in formal writing.
  • Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
  • It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
  • If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
  • Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
  • Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
  • Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
  • Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  • Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
  • If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
  • Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
  • Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
  • Always pick on the correct idiom.
  • "Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
  • The adverb always follows the verb.
  • Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.
  • Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  • DO NOT use all caps to emphasize.
  • Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  • Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
  • Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  • Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  • Be careful to use the rite homonym.
  • Never use a long word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  • Employ the vernacular.
  • Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  • Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
  • Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
  • Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  • One should never generalize.
  • Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
  • Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  • Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
  • Be more or less specific.
  • Understatement is always best.
  • One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  • Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  • Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  • Who needs rhetorical questions?
  • Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
  • capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with a point
 
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