Need help , loneliness is killing me.

pinkjess · Nov 8, 2019

I have been feeling depressed about my loneliness lately. I live on my own and don't have any friends except for my family and even then I'm more of a babysitter. I don't have any strong emotional connections in my life and I fear it's driving me crazy.

It's making me feel very depressed and scared.

Last year I really wanted a boyfriend and started writing letters to my "future husband" (cheesy i know) and I prayed asking God if it was His will for my life to either help me find somebody, or accept my singleness and be fulfilled by Him. I would get these hollow aches in the side of my chest near my heart and it felt like a vacuum. I kept telling myself I had to find my fulfillment in God alone and be strong, but the hollow pain never left. It got stronger.

(Please don't judge the following, I'm well aware what I did was wrong and the whole attachment was rather foolish, don't remind me please)

I met someone on Reddit and we hit it off almost instantly. We'd talk for hours and it only seemed like a minute. I felt like I could tell him anything and we shared a lot. He helped me through some major life changes and I felt so safe for the first time in my life even though he wasn't there "with" me. We talked for a whole year. Last month it faded and he doesn't talk to me anymore. It hurts so bad. We were supposed to meet several times but it never happened due to money and circumstance.

I discovered a desire in myself I didn't know existed. I wanted to be this guy's wife and have children with him. I wanted to have a family of my own. Before I felt like God designed me to be celibate and live on my own. I felt like wanting a man was a sign of emotional weakness and that I was way beyond that.

Now I'm in pieces. I feel empty from this guy's departure in my world. The lonely ache I had last year has returned. He's not my best friend anymore. I can't talk to him about things or ask for advice or anything. When I was hurting or scared he'd tell me he was there. That made me feel so safe. Now that's over and I'm hurting from it. I can't believe after a year he can just stop talking to me as if nothing we could have had mattered.

I guess the right thing to do is find the filling to this gaping hole in God. But I don't know how. I pray asking God to fill my heart and help me stop wanting a guy and be fulfilled only by Him. But the ache is still here. It makes me writhe in emotional pain. I've been crying every night because of it. I just want to be loved by a man. I want to feel wanted. And safe.

I want this pain to go away so I can move on! I'm wasting my life being hurt over this !

How do you find lasting fulfillment in God? How can I get this hollow feeling filled? It's the most emptiest feeling ever.

Carl Emerson · Nov 8, 2019

God often uses relationships to effect the deepest work in our lives.
He wants us to be Spirit driven rather than emotion driven and for many of us this is like being turned upside down within.
Seek this and His peace will fill the void you describe.
Then you will bring His strength into any future relationship.
I have been through this... it is tough but a treasure.
Remember He said "I will give you the treasures of darkness... Is 45:3 There is a treasure to be claimed as we travel through every dark experience - ask for it.

ajcarey · Nov 8, 2019

Finding fulfillment in God doesn't necessarily mean not wanting to find a spouse. It does though certainly mean valuing the Lord more than finding a spouse. The Lord IS our biggest need. That is a fact, whether we acknowledge it or not. And knowing Him doesn't necessarily take away all the pain about unfulfilled desires about other things- but it sure does put them in the proper perspective.
You need to seek the Lord earnestly and find His strength in what you're going through. This is all revealing things in your own character which need to be mended for you to be a strong servant of God whom He can use in a major way to make an impact for Him that will last in eternity. There is unspeakable strength for the soul, and freedom from chains in the soul, that await those who wait on the Lord and trust Him wholeheartedly through great disappointment and hardship instead of despairing and/or resorting to carnal means of finding happiness and contentment. The truth is you have a great opportunity in this hard time to know the Lord as the exceeding great reward that He truly is. And someday you may get another perspective in finding God's provision for the want you expressed, but trust Him about that because He is perfect in wisdom and knowledge; and what seems like a need to us may not be such in his eyes. Seek HIM as the cure for your loneliness, and beyond that seek Him as your ultimate goal and aim; and in doing that trust Him for whatever else He might see fit to provide you according to His perfect understanding of all things.

Matthew 6:32-33: "32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Tolworth John · Nov 8, 2019

There is no mention of a church or of a place of work in your post.
Do you attend church, do you get involved and talk to people there?

If there are no people your age at your church try other churches.

Jason Cleaver · Nov 8, 2019

My mum used to say "to find something, stop looking for it, and let it find you".

It took me a while to get my head around. It seems that if you want to find your car keys, looking for them is the only solution available to you as the things aren't going to get up and head in your direction on their own.

What she meant is if you strain to look for something ( I'm not belittling your pain BTW ) the chances are you are either imagining the thing you are looking for to look slightly different to what it will look like, so you don't even see it when you do see it. Or you are pre-supposing where it will be and you're going to look in the wrong place.

I'd try putting 10 minutes, 1 hour, a day, a week or whatever you can do to one side and say - today I'm looking for nobody but myself and Jesus, and go out into world smiling at everyone and feeling the ground under your feet and being and feeling confident and happy. Do that as often and for as long as you can. You may be pleasantly surprised. I hope so.

Brenda Blakely · Nov 8, 2019

I could have easily written this post in my years past. I understand your pain, loneliness and feelings. All of the responses you rec’d on this post are good. I especially like the one “let it find you.”
To do this you need to be in the places where the life you desire would find you. I suggest you get involved. Church is a good place to start. You could also find groups that share the same interests. You are a special person, created for a purpose. God has a plan and a reason for your life. I suggest that the right church will help you to discover who you are and why you are here. Seek God’s will for your life and you can’t go wrong. You might check with a counselor for help in locating good resources for you to become involved. I am praying for you. Blessings, hugs and love flowing over you, my dear precious young lady.

Oneseedatatime · Nov 8, 2019

Wow @pinkjess,

Thank you for your honesty! I wholeheartedly believe that your story is a testimony and learning lesson for countless others who have and will read this! You are not the only one that has fallen for the bait of satan in this day and age.

He knew what you wanted, what would "fill" your heart and you wanted it so badly that you were unable to discern between it and what God would have for you according to his Word.

You were vulnerable and still are.

BUT God! You must give yourself grace, thank God that this was just an online lesson with no real consequences (our good and gracious God protected you from yourself and satan's schemes), and GLEAN from the whole situation.

God is for you! He wants to provide you with the desires of your heart according to His will and purpose like His word promises BUT there is a process when He knows what we like to deny and that is that we are not ready. Preparedness is a process, it is a journey, and while God did not make that happen in your life (because you chose it) He did allow it because it would be for your learning (preparedness).

What do you believe that you learned after all this? Have you spoken to God about it? Have you thanked Him for His protection and sovereignty?

Regarding how you can be whole without a man (who will be as fallible as you and not fill that void in your heart no matter how INCREDIBLE he is because only God can)...you are learning how to in this which is why God allowed it. It caused you to turn back to Him, to know that He comes first, to go back to His word to know the truth that will arm you when the time and person is right.

It is a process, not a one shot deal. Keep turning to His word, read it, soak it in, understand it, and BELIEVE it whether it makes sense or not, and whether you see anything change or not (FAITH

)

You are on the path sweetheart! God is right there with you. Hold His hand and dive into His word and His promises will be fulfilled.

Sending you a big hug, praise, and a prayer!

aiki · Nov 8, 2019

pinkjess said:
I have been feeling depressed about my loneliness lately. I live on my own and don't have any friends except for my family and even then I'm more of a babysitter. I don't have any strong emotional connections in my life and I fear it's driving me crazy.

It's making me feel very depressed and scared.

Proverbs 18:24
24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I was once, many years ago, a very reclusive, lonely guy. I hid myself away in books. My problem was that I was far too concerned about myself. I didn't like the way God had made me and was supersensitive about my appearance. I hated awkward moments with people, those times when conversation would lag and I couldn't think what to say to keep it going. I dreaded saying something stupid. And so, I was alone. Just me and my ego. It was my ego, my pride, my high self-interest, that kept me apart from others and lonely. I couldn't see this for the longest time. And when it began to dawn on me that I was the prisoner of my own selfishness, well, it was galling.

Fortunately, God guided me out of my prison of self-centeredness toward others. I learned to converse with others well; I learned to truly care about them; I learned that friendship requires self-sacrifice. One cannot have a friend, you see, if one won't be a friend.

pinkjess said:
Last year I really wanted a boyfriend and started writing letters to my "future husband" (cheesy i know) and I prayed asking God if it was His will for my life to either help me find somebody, or accept my singleness and be fulfilled by Him.

It isn't one or the other but both. Really, if you aren't fulfilled by God, you are going to be a needy, insecure and selfish wife who is looking for her husband to be for her what God intends only He should be. If God cannot fulfill you, no man can. It will be very painful to discover this after you've married. Humans always at some point let one another down, hurt one another, offend one another - even, and perhaps most seriously, when they are married. If you can't be secure, and stable, and content in God, when such hurts come, you'll not be able to handle them with godly love and equanimity.

pinkjess said:
I met someone on Reddit and we hit it off almost instantly. We'd talk for hours and it only seemed like a minute. I felt like I could tell him anything and we shared a lot. He helped me through some major life changes and I felt so safe for the first time in my life even though he wasn't there "with" me.

It's very sad that you have not found these things in your Creator. And concerning. Your desperate need for a relationship with a guy makes you extremely vulnerable, jumping incautiously at the first glimmer of romance.

Proverbs 4:23
23 Guard your heart with all diligence; for from it flow the springs of life.

pinkjess said:
I discovered a desire in myself I didn't know existed. I wanted to be this guy's wife and have children with him. I wanted to have a family of my own. Before I felt like God designed me to be celibate and live on my own. I felt like wanting a man was a sign of emotional weakness and that I was way beyond that.

Your own physiology should have indicated to you that you were made for marriage and procreation...

pinkjess said:
Now I'm in pieces. I feel empty from this guy's departure in my world. The lonely ache I had last year has returned. He's not my best friend anymore. I can't talk to him about things or ask for advice or anything. When I was hurting or scared he'd tell me he was there. That made me feel so safe. Now that's over and I'm hurting from it. I can't believe after a year he can just stop talking to me as if nothing we could have had mattered.

And God just isn't there, I guess? He's impotent to comfort you and His promises to shield and support you are empty? When you are looking for security and shelter in a human person rather than God, this is what happens.

pinkjess said:
I guess the right thing to do is find the filling to this gaping hole in God. But I don't know how.

Surrender. Submit. Yield. Give yourself up entirely to God's will and way (Matthew 16:24-25; Romans 12:1; Romans 6:13; James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:6, etc.); moment-by-moment throughout each day, trusting God to fill you and change you.

Stop looking at your pain and unsatisfied desire and start filling your mind instead with Christ and his beauty and perfection. (Hebrews 12:2-3; 2 Corinthians 3:18) We all of us are always conformed in some way and measure to that upon which we focus our attention.

pinkjess said:
I want this pain to go away so I can move on! I'm wasting my life being hurt over this !

How do you find lasting fulfillment in God? How can I get this hollow feeling filled? It's the most emptiest feeling ever.

This is where pursuing your own desires apart from God always leads. Scripture warns repeatedly of this. (Proverbs 14:12; Proverbs 16:25; Romans 6:23; Romans 1:21, etc)

FutureAndAHope · Nov 10, 2019

pinkjess said:
I have been feeling depressed about my loneliness lately. I live on my own and don't have any friends except for my family and even then I'm more of a babysitter. I don't have any strong emotional connections in my life and I fear it's driving me crazy.

It's making me feel very depressed and scared.

Last year I really wanted a boyfriend and started writing letters to my "future husband" (cheesy i know) and I prayed asking God if it was His will for my life to either help me find somebody, or accept my singleness and be fulfilled by Him. I would get these hollow aches in the side of my chest near my heart and it felt like a vacuum. I kept telling myself I had to find my fulfillment in God alone and be strong, but the hollow pain never left. It got stronger.

(Please don't judge the following, I'm well aware what I did was wrong and the whole attachment was rather foolish, don't remind me please)

I met someone on Reddit and we hit it off almost instantly. We'd talk for hours and it only seemed like a minute. I felt like I could tell him anything and we shared a lot. He helped me through some major life changes and I felt so safe for the first time in my life even though he wasn't there "with" me. We talked for a whole year. Last month it faded and he doesn't talk to me anymore. It hurts so bad. We were supposed to meet several times but it never happened due to money and circumstance.

I discovered a desire in myself I didn't know existed. I wanted to be this guy's wife and have children with him. I wanted to have a family of my own. Before I felt like God designed me to be celibate and live on my own. I felt like wanting a man was a sign of emotional weakness and that I was way beyond that.

Now I'm in pieces. I feel empty from this guy's departure in my world. The lonely ache I had last year has returned. He's not my best friend anymore. I can't talk to him about things or ask for advice or anything. When I was hurting or scared he'd tell me he was there. That made me feel so safe. Now that's over and I'm hurting from it. I can't believe after a year he can just stop talking to me as if nothing we could have had mattered.

I guess the right thing to do is find the filling to this gaping hole in God. But I don't know how. I pray asking God to fill my heart and help me stop wanting a guy and be fulfilled only by Him. But the ache is still here. It makes me writhe in emotional pain. I've been crying every night because of it. I just want to be loved by a man. I want to feel wanted. And safe.

I want this pain to go away so I can move on! I'm wasting my life being hurt over this !

How do you find lasting fulfillment in God? How can I get this hollow feeling filled? It's the most emptiest feeling ever.

Looking back on my life, I am now married and happily so, but when I was younger I had so much rejection in my life, and such a deep pain, that I wanted to commit suicide, I just could not bear the pain anymore. Yet God kept nudging me to believe for a good future. I had to force myself to believe that, I found myself getting so angry with life, I would swing between faith, and doubt. Yet God gave me just enough faith to hold on. I am glad I did for now my life is really good, and everything is positive in my life. You are looking for a way out of your pain, but some times we need to live in the pain until our deliverance comes. Hope will arise, but some times these is a process of pain along the way. Look to what will be in your life (a good future) not the current pain.

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Need help , loneliness is killing me.

pinkjess

There she goes...at the speed of sound

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Carl Emerson

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ajcarey

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Tolworth John

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Jason Cleaver

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Brenda Blakely

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Oneseedatatime

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aiki

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FutureAndAHope

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