Hello, I'm posting here because I do not really know who I can speak to about my issue. I discovered the Gospel about 1,5 year ago, at the time I did not want to see my sinnful state, but shortly after, God helped me see how bad of a sinner I am, being selfcentered and lying above all things. I'm greatful that God made me see this, I soon started praying and reading the Bible everyday.
The problem is that I realised not so long ago, after spending time with people who live their faith like the first Christians, that they have a true relationship with Jesus and God and a very deep respect and love for them. And I feel bad because I now see that I never really loved God for who he is and never felt that I was commited to Jesus, that I accepted him as my Saviour, I also hesitated to classify myself as a Christian because I did not really want to stop mixing with the world (going to parties, dancing on world music, having non christian friends..), but I now see that I don't even have the basic faith in Jesus Christ, this strong relationship. It seems as though I now know that everything in the Bible is true, that this is the Word of God, our Creator, but it is only theoretical knowledge..
I would like to believe, be born again and receive Jesus as my Saviour like it says in John 6:40(NIV) and John 3:5-6(NIV):
40 For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.
5 Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.
6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
But I think that I maybe waited too long to answer God and decide to let go of my life for him and truly repent, it seemed like the Christians I met, I needed to follow to know Jesus, but I was not ready to leave everything. As Jesus said in Matt 6:24(NIV):
24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
So I was stubborn, proud, doubted and dissobeyed God, now I know that the Bible is the Truth, that there is no other way to come to the Father than through Jesus, but I'm like a hypocrite if I can't feel this sincere love which I saw by those Christians, and I think that would be even worst to pretend being a Christian Isaiah 29:13(NIV):
13 The Lord says:
“These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught"
So I don't know how to live with the knowledge of Truth I now have and the lack of love and faith in Jesus Christ, and the fact that I feel bad but not convicted, like I should about this, 2Cor 7:10:
10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
I wish I could have this deep sorrow David had in Psalm 51 and not be so superficial, it's like I've punished myself because now that I know the Truth I can't sincerly repent and recieve Jesus Christ in my life..
I don't know if this will be understandable, maybe someone will have something to say or experiences, I understand that it is only fair to be condemned by God for not receiving the Light at first or holding on to sin, but I am struggling to live with knowledge of the Truth without being saved, I also do not know how to talk about it with the people around me (I'm from a non christian family).
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this.
The problem is that I realised not so long ago, after spending time with people who live their faith like the first Christians, that they have a true relationship with Jesus and God and a very deep respect and love for them. And I feel bad because I now see that I never really loved God for who he is and never felt that I was commited to Jesus, that I accepted him as my Saviour, I also hesitated to classify myself as a Christian because I did not really want to stop mixing with the world (going to parties, dancing on world music, having non christian friends..), but I now see that I don't even have the basic faith in Jesus Christ, this strong relationship. It seems as though I now know that everything in the Bible is true, that this is the Word of God, our Creator, but it is only theoretical knowledge..
I would like to believe, be born again and receive Jesus as my Saviour like it says in John 6:40(NIV) and John 3:5-6(NIV):
40 For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.
5 Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.
6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
But I think that I maybe waited too long to answer God and decide to let go of my life for him and truly repent, it seemed like the Christians I met, I needed to follow to know Jesus, but I was not ready to leave everything. As Jesus said in Matt 6:24(NIV):
24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
So I was stubborn, proud, doubted and dissobeyed God, now I know that the Bible is the Truth, that there is no other way to come to the Father than through Jesus, but I'm like a hypocrite if I can't feel this sincere love which I saw by those Christians, and I think that would be even worst to pretend being a Christian Isaiah 29:13(NIV):
13 The Lord says:
“These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught"
So I don't know how to live with the knowledge of Truth I now have and the lack of love and faith in Jesus Christ, and the fact that I feel bad but not convicted, like I should about this, 2Cor 7:10:
10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
I wish I could have this deep sorrow David had in Psalm 51 and not be so superficial, it's like I've punished myself because now that I know the Truth I can't sincerly repent and recieve Jesus Christ in my life..
I don't know if this will be understandable, maybe someone will have something to say or experiences, I understand that it is only fair to be condemned by God for not receiving the Light at first or holding on to sin, but I am struggling to live with knowledge of the Truth without being saved, I also do not know how to talk about it with the people around me (I'm from a non christian family).
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this.