Do YOU have a crush on anyone? (59)

mojoboy31 said:

Man, if we could just flip a switch and do it, we would. But it's a fair question. I think honestly, you have to make some mistakes first. I think you have to crash and burn, get humiliated, get your heart broke, put it on the line, and walk away empty handed a few times.

The last girl I mentioned here-- the one who cornered me into asking her out after being best friends for over a year, and then said she had been pretending to like me in the hopes that genuine feelings would develop-- and I know she wasn't the first-- nor even second-- crash and burn story I've shared with all yall in this thread over my what, five years here?

Anyways, my point is that the entire time I was getting close to her, I had "get out of your own way" in the back of my mind. I made it a point not to make the mistakes of my past, primarily, not to be paralyzed by fear. Where in the past I've let opportunities slip passed out of fear, or said no to things out of social anxiety, or been too afraid to ask someone to go see a movie or hang out or whatever.

As I fought against my inherent shyness and kept trying to get out of my own way and avoid my costly mistakes of the past, I found myself in diners, listening to 50's rock and roll and doo wop with a cute girl, at countless movies, whispering wise cracks and making her laugh, driving her all around the state, playing mini golf, and even laser tag... Yes, it ended quite badly, I'm well aware, but it was a Hell of a ride while it lasted, and it was only possible to get that close, by seeing my mistakes of the past and learning from them.

Hopefully I'll find another girl with a heart worth winning, and be able to get enough out of my own way to win it.

Click to expand...

I WAS being deliberately provocative - I know I come off as rude sometimes, (very rude, actually) but it's all in the name of lighting a fire in someone. Is it right? Yeah, maybe for some. But I probably do just come off as a jerk to most. But it's all from a good place. It's just not in my nature to be fake.

I guess for me, my view is that confidence is cultivated (primarily) through your own passions, hobbies and interests. If you tighten up on all of those things and continue to develop yourself spiritually, then you will eventually arrive at a place where you like yourself - and I mean, REALLY like yourself. If you're good at art, or a brilliant song writer, then you're going to feel pretty good about yourself (and you should.) You might JUST be the shy or modest type, that's fine, don't change it. In the end it'll work to your advantage anyway. Arrogance is just so ugly.

I say it all the time: "work on yourself before you go looking for someone else" - which I know is my classic cop out response, and it might seem like a diversion from what you actually want, but if you're happy and proud with who you are, and you're pleased with what you're doing in life then you're going to generate attractive energy. Thriving people are always the most attractive people. And the thing is, everyone can do it at any time - no one is better than you in this world. And there are MANY slots that you can fill and make your own.

I know that you know all of this, but honestly, just be YOU man, and own it. I can never understand how the Mr Moe's of the world can lack so much confidence when they're brilliant writers, amazing artists and funnier than most comedians - if they let all of that just flow naturally, then they ARE without doubt going to get second, third and fourth dates. You have your own brilliance as well, and you don't need to go entertaining silly game playing girls. They should want to be coming to you, and that's not an arrogance thing either, it's just a question of authenticity and self awareness.

Focus on what's inside, never change. Not for anybody. It's probably going to take a few years but you'll realise one day that you DO deserve to be confident. As for those other girls? *shrugs* I've met plenty myself mate, and to be honest they missed out, just like yours did.

.

ReesePiece23 said:

I WAS being deliberately provocative - I know I come off as rude sometimes, (very rude, actually) but it's all in the name of lighting a fire in someone. Is it right? Yeah, maybe for some. But I probably do just come off as a jerk to most. But it's all from a good place. It's just not in my nature to be fake.

Click to expand...

Nah, I don't think I've ever thought you were rude. You're wisdom comes from a good place, and oftenly, you're absolutely right. I've never minded "blunt truth" or thought of it as rude. I'm not a fan of being fake either.

Speaking you being right:

ReesePiece23 said:

Personally, I couldn't let someone run with me if they pulled stunts like that. Trust is rule number one.

Click to expand...

So she made it very clear in very strong language that she cared for me and wanted to remain friends, that I was important to her, and she wanted our friendship to return to "normal". I put my feelings and pride aside, and decided to be friends. And then she ghosted me... so. You were right again. Lol

I like the 'work on you first' mindset, that's another reason why I think I got closer this last time- I've achieved a great many of my personal goals in the last two years; I'm a dual certified optician now, I make good money at what I do, I had even lost a ton of weight (which I've had a bit of a backslide the last three and a half months thanks to the depression since the heartbreak, but I've been actively working on it the last two weeks, so hopefully I can knock that back out soon), I can further explore my hobbies and interests, which helps more than you'd think. Taking enjoyment and exercising passion in the "little things" in life helps with the loneliness, and serves to remind you that life is pleasing and fulfilling without being in a relationship, that you don't need a relationship to be happy. I continue pursuing God and His wisdom every day, seeking His will and guidance in my life. It's a good life, it really is.

Confidence really is hard, trying to walk the line between confident and arrogant, knowing how much you are "worth", knowing you're fearfully and wonderfully made, knowing that if just given the chance... But not knowing how to show it-- not knowing how to convey it properly-- makes all the difference.

LaBèlla said:

According to Myers-Briggs

Click to expand...

I considered starting a thread on Myers-Briggs a few weeks ago. The first time I encountered Myers-Briggs was as an undergraduate. I didn't know myself very well at that time, so it didn't mean much to me. I did the test again a few weeks ago, and the result was INTJ. I felt a little freaked out by how accurately the INTJ descriptions fitted me.

mojoboy31 said:

So she made it very clear in very strong language that she cared for me and wanted to remain friends, that I was important to her, and she wanted our friendship to return to "normal". I put my feelings and pride aside, and decided to be friends. And then she ghosted me... so. You were right again. Lol

Click to expand...

That has happened to me too. I have concluded that when people say 'let's stay friends' it's probably just an empty platitude. It's kind of sad, but when it's not going anywhere, I think the best approach is to simply walk away, and keep walking, without so much as a single glance over your shoulder.

.

SarahsKnight said:

Pshww. They're all cute. Multifavs, LaBella, Sam91, Kittysbecute, all. I ain't scared to say it. ^-^

Click to expand...

Actually SK, you do have a point. Holding back has cost me more than I care to admit in the past. As long as it's in the right context, is appropriate and sincere / heartfelt, there shouldn't be issue with it.

I'm not going to admit who I like publicly lol (that's best handled in private). However, these are members who I admire and hold in high regard as sisters in Christ:

@Multifavs - An absolute sweetheart, who I'm glad to have as my little sister. Genuine, sweet, friendly, loving, cute, innocent, supportive, kind and adorable to the extreme. Gamer girls are automatically cool in my book, but Multiawesomes takes it to a whole other level. She even surprised me with a gift of custom-made plushies, in likeness and remembrance of my pets who passed away recently, which was incredibly thoughtful. I never forgot that. She is a wonderful friend who has a level of humility and gentleness which makes it hard not to like her. Even to this day, the community goes to great extents to try and ship us haha. *cough* @MrMoe *cough* Sorry...allergies.

@kittysbecute - Kind, sincere, friendly, sweet, positive, funny, intelligent and very level-headed. I'm happy to call her a good friend, and enjoy our gaming-related discussions. She was kind enough to go out of her way to offer advice and support awhile back, regarding someone I was interested in.

@RayofSun - Despite her attempts to torment me with the Baby Shark song and pull me to the dark side a.k.a. the Metric System, she is a Canadian I hold in very high regard. Doesn't play games or beat around the bush, but gets straight to the point. Dedicated, honest, hardworking and always exciting to chat with. She is the undisputed queen of randomness.

@brinny - Her love of tea is unparalleled, as is her personality, humor and compassion for others. Energetic, kind, and has a genuine love for God and His word.

@VMaeLove - Atemberaubend hübsch / niedlich, but there's so much more to her than that. She has a level of depth to her that is both rare and refreshing. Kind, blunt, wise, honest and has a wonderful sense of humor. I'm amazed at how God is working in her lately, and at her commitment to put Him first - even above her own interests. It's an inspiration to witness, and I look forward to seeing what else He does in her walk with Him. I'll also be trying to stay on her good side from now on, to avoid getting beat up by her biker gang.

@SweetCarolina - My fellow wine connoisseur, who has disappeared as of late. Easy to get along with, and incredibly sweet / friendly. She was the first member I chatted with since returning to the forums around two years ago. She had a lasting, positive impact on many of us, and I miss her many interesting threads, as well as her usual forum takeovers. Hope to see you back soon, Jennie.

@Annalafrenchy7 - Her personality reminds me a lot of Multifavs, as she too is incredibly cute, sweet and humble. She has a large heart, is very intelligent and holds herself to a high standard. I miss chatting with her, but am hoping for success in her studies.

@bekkilyn - She's taken up martial arts classes and used to dress up like Hong Kong Phooey, how much more awesome can you get? In all seriousness though, she is also very friendly, funny and insightful, even if we may not agree on certain things. =)

Anthony7 said:

@Multifavs - An absolute sweetheart, who I'm glad to have as my little sister. Genuine, sweet, friendly, loving, cute, innocent, supportive, kind and adorable to the extreme. Gamer girls are automatically cool in my book, but Multiawesomes takes it to a whole other level. She even surprised me with a gift of custom-made plushies, in likeness and remembrance of my pets who passed away recently, which was incredibly thoughtful. I never forgot that. She is a wonderful friend who has a level of humility and gentleness which makes it hard not to like her.

Click to expand...

Awww, it's incredibly kind and sweet of you to say these things about me, Anthonythoughtful. I'm so very glad to be blessed with awesome brothers and sisters in Christ like you, SK, Rene, kitty, and others.

Anthony7 said:

Even to this day, the community goes to great extents to try and ship us haha. *cough* @MrMoe *cough* Sorry...allergies.

Click to expand...

Lol, so true!

LaBèlla said:

*sniffles just a TAD* There’s French blood in these veins. Break it to me gently!

What do you have in mind?

I'm about 1/16th French. I know, ridiculous right. What's the point even mentioning it? Just call me British.

Beerwise: Trappist, Delirium, Straffe Hendrik, barley wine, basically anything that's either a quad or billed at 12% ABV or more.


Gino’s is nice. Other options exist and you should try them all. A short jaunt sounds ideal.

Not playing coy or anything, but please, take me by the hand and lead me to the food. I'm not into all of that posh wining and dining nonsense, I just want PROPER steak and beer. (Sorry, I'm not going to pretend to like caviar or foie gras.)

That reminds me of a Spanish wine tasting in the catacombs.

I know nothing about wine. I know a bit about sherry (if you're going to drink whisky you have to learn a bit about sherry really) but wine is a mystery to me. Beer, well, I can take a glancing sniff and tell you almost immediately what hops are in there.

I’ve studied English butlers. What do you think?

I think you probably know more than I do about butlers.



I don’t hide them. I have my share of stories.

So have I, but we'll save them for another time. Unless anyone desperately wants me to go into some grimy stories?

I’m glad you were inspired. In light of your prowess, I’ll need to reacquaint myself with a few essences. Yours are deep waters!

Here’s some shots of a nose kit I have at home. I’m ready!

I'm afraid you've lost me sweet pea... *scratches beard* and that's not a few either, that's nearly sixty different essences.

~Bella

Click to expand...

Replies in blue. Why? Because I'm too lazy to multi quote.

oho.. dankeshön! @Anthony7, it is kind that you notice in my posts but recent I feel I am lousy at being His child. you mentioning me is thoughtful and nice and encouragement. Bless you

LaBèlla said:

I’m a Type-A go-getter. Being home has altered my nature to some degree. According to Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram I should be a raving feminist who’s leaning in.

I'm a nice balance between A and B.

The A side of me says "If necessary, I'll stay awake for a week and work" but the B side of me will say "well, it's not work because you're enjoying yourself." My mantra is basically do what you love and don't work a day in your life. Of course, I understand that sometimes you've got to really grind things out, but it's always necessary towards some kind of goal.

I also mediate and withdraw myself off into the woods to pray. That's when all worldly entities are put on the back burner.

But I delight in pleasing and serving my Man. I’m trying to make sense of what that means for a believer. The desire to do well by him was hard wired into me before I understood the proverb echoing the same.

So, shall we start posting in the married forum now? Or...

Boredom isn’t the problem. It’s the stasis that I abhor. I never stop growing and doing. I’m incapable of resting on my laurels and throwing in the towel.

I change dramatically from year to year. I'm forever changing and evolving and I honestly hope to always do that. I don't know why everyone is so afraid of change...

A beautiful mind is delicious to explore. The crevices and twists and turns delight my senses. Its been a long time since my cranium has been overrun and my lone response is mercy me like Marvin.

The most attractive women to me have a mind like a kaleidoscope of mosaics. Complex, difficult to understand and at times, slightly maddening. I love that - they say mystery is the greatest turn on and I agree. I can't stand bimbos. I need to be challenged.


I want sandpaper not coddling.

Yeah, develop a nice callus lol. Don't be a snowflake - the world's full of them now.


I prefer truth most of all. Even if it flays me.

I can't bottle anything up. All of that excess weight is just so toxic. I'd end things with someone pretty quickly if I felt like they were beating about the bush and speaking in riddles - I can't stand that behaviour.

~Bella

Click to expand...

Once again - yup, you guessed it! Reese's cop out reply.

mojoboy31 said:

So she made it very clear in very strong language that she cared for me and wanted to remain friends, that I was important to her, and she wanted our friendship to return to "normal". I put my feelings and pride aside, and decided to be friends. And then she ghosted me... so. You were right again. Lol

I like the 'work on you first' mindset, that's another reason why I think I got closer this last time- I've achieved a great many of my personal goals in the last two years; I'm a dual certified optician now, I make good money at what I do, I had even lost a ton of weight (which I've had a bit of a backslide the last three and a half months thanks to the depression since the heartbreak, but I've been actively working on it the last two weeks, so hopefully I can knock that back out soon), I can further explore my hobbies and interests, which helps more than you'd think. Taking enjoyment and exercising passion in the "little things" in life helps with the loneliness, and serves to remind you that life is pleasing and fulfilling without being in a relationship, that you don't need a relationship to be happy. I continue pursuing God and His wisdom every day, seeking His will and guidance in my life. It's a good life, it really is.

Confidence really is hard, trying to walk the line between confident and arrogant, knowing how much you are "worth", knowing you're fearfully and wonderfully made, knowing that if just given the chance... But not knowing how to show it-- not knowing how to convey it properly-- makes all the difference.

Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear that you took it that badly. It actually saddens me that someone else had the power to make you feel so down on yourself that you'd backslide on your fitness goals.

Yeah, I've always said "celebrate the small wins" because they're actually just as important as the big ones. You haven't got to work 23 hours a day to 'make a dream happen' to feel good about yourself, you can just as easily make yourself a hot chocolate, drop a big fat marshmallow in it, run a bath and feel just as happy. A different kind of happiness, but happiness none the less.

I think for you, it's not going to be a bad thing to big yourself up a bit. It's amazing that you made it as a dual certified optician, there's no reason to be modest about it because you're obviously good at what you do.

But I hear you though, it almost takes 'training' to build confidence. I think a solid base of hobbies, interests, passions and life goals will help tremendously. It's just a matter of getting into good habits. Maybe meditate, listen to uplifting music (that'd be 60's music for me) and get into nature.

And when it comes to women, they're not all silly and immature girls. It just seems to be this millennial culture, everyone ghosts each other and no one knows why. And no one knows why because no one communicates honestly or (actually no, better yet) no one communicates properly!

Maybe you'd be better off with an older woman.

.

.

Anthony7 said:

She even surprised me with a gift of custom-made plushies, in likeness and remembrance of my pets who passed away recently, which was incredibly thoughtful. I never forgot that.

Click to expand...

I know, right? Multifavs has indeed proved herself a lady knight of high standing with such deeds as this, alone. She even made one for me just because it was my birthday a few months ago.

Anthony7 said:

@kittysbecute - Kind, sincere, friendly, sweet, positive, funny, intelligent and very level-headed. I'm happy to call her a good friend, and enjoy our gaming-related discussions. She was kind enough to go out of her way to offer advice and support awhile back, regarding someone I was interested in.

Click to expand...

I could not agree more on Miss Kitty, too.


And the rest.


.... Man, I think with Anthony going all out on the compliments towards the ladies here. I, uh ... think it best I give up my title as a knight around here in that one regard at least, without struggle.

Multifavs said:

I'm so very glad to be blessed with awesome brothers and sisters in Christ like you, SK, Rene, kitty, and others.

Click to expand...

*salutes*

LaBèlla said:

I appreciate you candor. Its okay. I’m easy to please.

I'm switching to this magenta-ish colour.

Not at all. Heritage was a big part of my upbringing. I came loaded with affinities for French and English cultures with a penchant for Judaism that didn’t make sense until I came to faith.

I don't understand the appeal for England, a girl who worked at Walgreens (funnily enough in Chicago), literally followed me around the store, pretending to stack shelves next to me and stock check wherever I went. And we're not talking once or twice, but isle 1, isle 3, back to isle 1, then on to isle 6, and all because I have a strong Cockney accent. I think she even rushed to a till just so that she could serve me.

It does seem to be an American thing. Brits just don't seem to have the same interests in their own ancestry.

I spent time at a Trappistine monastery. I’m slightly biased but open nonetheless. I don’t drink beer often but I appreciate quality.

Eh, live and let live I say. I'm not the type to force beer down people's necks.

You needn’t worry. I have culinary training and my palate is well developed. I can take you to two exemplary establishments by foot. If you prefer gargantuan servings they’re 5 minutes away.

Cool.


I prefer wine and champagne. I consume spirits on occasion and make my own infused vodkas and kirsch. Whisky is a man’s drink. But it’s ideal to be conversant in beverages that appeal to your guests.

You'd be surprised, I know a lot of whisky journalists, and I'd say maybe half of them are women.

The essences mimic scents and flavors commonly attributed to wine. The set was given to me by my employer. When the store closed, they loaded me up with gifts and stocked my cupboards.

My cheese monger gave me his books and design schemes for parties, gift baskets, and trays so my entertaining would be top notch.

Its pretty humbling when you write it out. They weren’t believers. But they believed in me and we were a family.

Right, I'm with you now. I honestly didn't know that such things existed - it's almost cheating lol.

But on a slightly troubling note, I'd say 90% (if not 95%) of the most amazing people I've ever known were non-believers. People who literally changed my life, the way I think and the way in which I view myself. Jackie was a friend who got me into travelling and being creative - she sadly died at the age of 27 (wow, 7 years ago now), but in the relatively short time I knew her, she more or less changed the world as I knew it. Wisdom beyond wisdom, amazing.

~Bella

Click to expand...

LaBèlla said:

I didn’t notice. Nor should you. ;-)

Green.

I operate from capacity which inspires flow. My benchmark is the natural output devoid of striving. That measure is replicated with constancy to produce the result I seek.

Yeah, sounds about right. I'm somewhere there (or there and abouts.)


I haven’t communed with nature to that degree. Water moves me more than forestry. Understandably given my location. I used to walk in the rain years ago but I don’t feel the pull anymore. I had a weekly day of silence in the past but now I’m settled. I made peace my framework and every day is a respite.

I was almost a Buddhist before I turned to Christ. I still maintain a lot of Buddhist practises and mediation is one of them. A few weeks ago, I was in such an intense meditation that I actually felt like an inanimate object. My mind actually convinced me that I was at one stage, my brain just fully passed itself over to being passive and sensory. All conscious thought evaporated from me like hot air.

And on more than one occasion, I have come close to what the Buddhists call enlightenment. It's annoying because you're right on the very cusp of having all of the answers to the unanswerable questions, and then you suddenly wake up and get pulled away. It's such a short lived moment of awesome clarity and then you're dropped back to planet Earth.

You haven’t hit your stride. You’re just getting started. Why spoil it.

I said it with a bit of a wry smile, I'm sorry I just couldn't resist it. I find it funny sometimes how people literally move around these "life stage" forums according to their life stage. I don't know why I find it funny, I just do.

But no, my 30's are going to be legendary. I'm so excited to be in the position I am in now at 29 to prepare for what I believe will be my ascension to "ReesePiece version 2.0." God has worked too hard on me to let me blow it now lol, don't worry.


I remember a profile I saw years ago. It bore a quote from Marcel Proust and nothing else. I was intrigued and questioned its sparseness. He explained the reality of viewers parroting your wants and said its absence forced them to travel as far as their mind would carry them.

I nearly fell out my chair. That takes a lot of chutzpah. The boldness was a surprise. Because most play it safe. They play for the accolades. Not the pearl.

My church thinks I'm a nutcase and my friends think I philosophise too much, but I'm thirsty for answers. From the start of the universe to this point in time, there was a 1 in 400 trillion chance of me ever existing. So I want to know why me? Why here? Why now? I can't just live a linear existence and be content

I'm also obsessed with the idea of seeing colours that the human eye hasn't seen before. Don't ask me why, but I just am lol. I have very psychedelic thoughts and emotions - I've never even taken acid, so heaven knows what I'd actually be like on a trip. But yeah, going back to the above: 'me version 2.0' is what I'm searching for.



I couldn’t be that if I tried. I’m not weak or a people pleaser.

It’s hard to find a lion in a sea of butterflies. But I recognize him. I’ve seen it before. And that’s half the battle.

Just keep being authentic. Souls recognise each other through vibrations - there's a reason why you have the friends you have and there's a reason you post on here. Nothing is ever a coincidence.

~Bella

Click to expand...

Right, now that your mind is blown, I'm going to have a beer.

.

.

VMaeLove said:

oho.. dankeshön! @Anthony7, it is kind that you notice in my posts but recent I feel I am lousy at being His child. you mentioning me is thoughtful and nice and encouragement. Bless you

Click to expand...

You're very welcome, Ms. VMae. I'm glad I could offer some encouragement.

SarahsKnight said:

.... Man, I think with Anthony going all out on the compliments towards the ladies here. I, uh ... think it best I give up my title as a knight around here in that one regard at least, without struggle.

Click to expand...

Although, it was you sir knight who inspired me to do so in the first place.