I tend to be judgmental...

Well, try to have compassion on those people. Some of them believe what they believe because of a lot of reasons. Also, if you need to argue, do it in the moment someone is challenging you.

Lord have mercy on us!

ErikOzzy said:

Hello all. I am new to the forum and excited to join the community.
I see from the titles of other threads here that there are people in serious need of advice and support, and I would urge you to give them your attention before helping me. I would just like some advice on self-improvement for a personal flaw I've had trouble fixing.

Like the title suggests, I have a nasty habit of judging people, and judging them harshly. I often do this knowing hardly a thing about the person. Since I am a college student, I often have to interact with people who are generally hostile to my faith and my values, and the environment of the campus is not especially friendly to someone who takes their religion seriously.
For example, while walking to class, if I see a parked car with a bumper sticker supporting something that I see as immoral, I almost instinctively start to think about the kind of person the driver must be. "Oh, he/she must be some sort of godless heathen with no concept of morality. Maybe he or she is politically radical. I'll bet they would hate me if they met me, because I am a Christian and they hate people like me."
I know this is not the right way to act, but I can't seem to conquer it; it's a habit that just won't die, and I hate that there is this resentment within me. I know that I need to approach all people with love in my heart for my fellow man, because this is what Christ taught.
The verse that I first think of is usually Matthew 5:44, but are there any other verses that could speak to my situation? Otherwise, how can I think about myself, others, and the world differently so that I can be a more loving person, the way I should be?

For a bit of background, I have only been Christian for about a year now, and I was not raised in a Christian household, so my biblical background is lacking.

Click to expand...

Thinking the thoughts is not an action and in itself is not wrong (although it will be easier for you if you deliberately focus on the positive in other people).

Christian Love (Agape) is not a feeling, it is an act

Your action is in how you treat the people who hate you, so here is the instruction from our Lord (and I realise that you already know this):

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5

And here is what Love is:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Do you see that regardless of how you feel about a person and how they feel about or act towards you, you can always choose to be patient, kind, not envying them, not being boastful, being humble, honorable, seeking their good and not your own, not easily angered against them and not holding onto the wrongs that they have committed. You can always choose to encourage goodness and truth towards them. You can choose to protect, trust (where possible), hope and perservere. And you can always pray for them

Act like this and you will be acting as a child of YHWH.

Greetings,

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ —2 Corinthians 2:5

Habits persist for a reason. What are these negative thoughts feeding within you? How do you feel afterward? Answering that will give you insight into your heart.

The issues are the trigger but they’re not the reason you’re doing this. You’re getting something from tearing them down. Ask the Lord to search your heart and show you the truth.

~Bella

Completely understand your OP. You know we're to love others. Plus we're to even love our enemies and bless them. Know it is difficult. God knows we have to have His help to do what His Word says. (Joh 13:34, Matt 5:44).

Oh, one thing that really helped me is "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." Matt 7:2

Got enough going on. No need in bringing more on myself.

Welcome! I also struggle with this and I pray about it. I pray that God would help me to see others as he sees them, and to love them as he does. This helped me realize that I would be exactly like them if it wasn't for his Saving Grace. I have come a long way but still need to grow in this area. God bless!

I've also slipped there a few times

What worked for me is to try see the world through their eyes and where they're coming from.
More important, to try see them from The Lord's eyes

I find most tend to have some form of judgment. Some more than others. I included. For example a few minutes ago I read an article about Josh Harris. The famous christian book writer who wrote about how to approach dating and marriage. Earlier this year he was divorced and said he no longer is a christian and no longer believes in God.

Reading this article I thought a few things. Then a minute later I thought I was out of line. It's easy for me to say things when I am not in his shoes. We never know how weak we are until a big test comes we were never expecting.

I also find sometimes we try to be "corrective/reproof", but instead don't realize we crossed a line from that and into judgment zone instead. It's not easy. We can just ask for forgiveness, strength and move on and try harder.

ErikOzzy said:

Hello all. I am new to the forum and excited to join the community.
I see from the titles of other threads here that there are people in serious need of advice and support, and I would urge you to give them your attention before helping me. I would just like some advice on self-improvement for a personal flaw I've had trouble fixing.

Like the title suggests, I have a nasty habit of judging people, and judging them harshly. I often do this knowing hardly a thing about the person. Since I am a college student, I often have to interact with people who are generally hostile to my faith and my values, and the environment of the campus is not especially friendly to someone who takes their religion seriously.
For example, while walking to class, if I see a parked car with a bumper sticker supporting something that I see as immoral, I almost instinctively start to think about the kind of person the driver must be. "Oh, he/she must be some sort of godless heathen with no concept of morality. Maybe he or she is politically radical. I'll bet they would hate me if they met me, because I am a Christian and they hate people like me."
I know this is not the right way to act, but I can't seem to conquer it; it's a habit that just won't die, and I hate that there is this resentment within me. I know that I need to approach all people with love in my heart for my fellow man, because this is what Christ taught.
The verse that I first think of is usually Matthew 5:44, but are there any other verses that could speak to my situation? Otherwise, how can I think about myself, others, and the world differently so that I can be a more loving person, the way I should be?

For a bit of background, I have only been Christian for about a year now, and I was not raised in a Christian household, so my biblical background is lacking.

Click to expand...

Thank you for sharing this. It's a bigger problem than you may realise. God is gracious, but there will come a day when His exhortation not to judge will come into force. Usually, judgemental people find themselves doing what they've judged others for. Yes, I speak from experience. It may take a while to happen and we may not make the connection. That you are concerned about it is good.

You may be naturally critical. The Melancholic temperament is inclined that way. You may also have picked up a critical demon. That is pretty simple to deal with. Command the thing to go in Jesus' name.

Ask God to give you His perspective on the people you criticise. You need to remember that you are a sinner. Ask God to be merciful to those who offend you as He has been merciful to you. Tell God that you cannot love those people. But you can love them with the love that God has given you. (Romans 5:5) Remember that Jesus died for every single person. Pray for them instead of criticising. Take hold of your thoughts. Refuse them permission to judge!

The best way to look at others that you view as "sinful" is to view them the same way that God views them. He sees people as unrighteous IF they are unbelievers. In several places there are lists of people that Christians are advised to consider as unrighteous. For one is 1 Corinthians 6:9-10. This particular list's purpose is to advice Christians to not use certain people who live certain sinful lifestyles as judges. It is not saying to judge their salvation, but is simply saying if they live certain ways, that you should be weary of their judgement and not use them as judges. Instead you should use someone that is much more likely to be righteous. This would be fellow believer in your Church who is righteous because they place their faith and trust in Jesus Christ their Lord and Savior.

Now, you are probably not trying to use these people as judges, so why bring all this up? Quite simply, because these verses 1 Cor. 1-11 have in them the way we are to view others. If we know they live certain lifestyles and there is no doubt they do certain sinful activities regularly, we can consider them unbelievers and being unbelievers they are unrighteous. Now, as for ourselves, we are righteous ONLY because we are believers. That is the way God sees it, and that is the way we too should see things.

So, we see them as unbelievers? Are they truly unbelievers? For some we can be certain they are unbelievers. For others we just don't know. Many we believe are believers are not, and some we believe are not believers can be, but they are just at a point in they spiritual growth, that it is hard to tell. When you judge a person judge them as God judges them. They are either a believer or an unbeliever. A Christian or not a Christian. All of us are sinners, every one of us. Some of us are just forgiven. Also, we can only judge a person by their works, we cannot see their heart unless the Holy Spirit chooses to reveal it to us for His purpose. When we try to judge others by our own wisdom we are as likely to get it wrong as we are to get it right. So don't judge others based or your "Legalism." Judge them, but only in the way that God would want you to judge them. Judge them to see if God wants you to witness to them. Judge them to see if God wants you to consider them a Brother in Christ. But only then, to determine if they are someone you should learn from or even someone you may some day disciple yourself.

Don't judge a person's sinfulness. Judge only if they are a believer or not, but even then, only for the purposes of God. We are to judge them that way simply to determine if should trust them as Brothers and Sisters in the Lord, or to determine how we should help them on their walks with the Lord.

ErikOzzy said:

The verse that I first think of is usually Matthew 5:44, but are there any other verses that could speak to my situation? Otherwise, how can I think about myself, others, and the world differently so that I can be a more loving person, the way I should be?

For a bit of background, I have only been Christian for about a year now, and I was not raised in a Christian household, so my biblical background is lacking.

Click to expand...

Its all about loving God the most and secondly to love others like we love ourselves. Its not about us but about denying ourself. I know, not so easy to do in this mundane, modern world.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. Romans 12:3

ErikOzzy said:

Hello all. I am new to the forum and excited to join the community.
I see from the titles of other threads here that there are people in serious need of advice and support, and I would urge you to give them your attention before helping me. I would just like some advice on self-improvement for a personal flaw I've had trouble fixing.

Like the title suggests, I have a nasty habit of judging people, and judging them harshly. I often do this knowing hardly a thing about the person. Since I am a college student, I often have to interact with people who are generally hostile to my faith and my values, and the environment of the campus is not especially friendly to someone who takes their religion seriously.
For example, while walking to class, if I see a parked car with a bumper sticker supporting something that I see as immoral, I almost instinctively start to think about the kind of person the driver must be. "Oh, he/she must be some sort of godless heathen with no concept of morality. Maybe he or she is politically radical. I'll bet they would hate me if they met me, because I am a Christian and they hate people like me."
I know this is not the right way to act, but I can't seem to conquer it; it's a habit that just won't die, and I hate that there is this resentment within me. I know that I need to approach all people with love in my heart for my fellow man, because this is what Christ taught.
The verse that I first think of is usually Matthew 5:44, but are there any other verses that could speak to my situation? Otherwise, how can I think about myself, others, and the world differently so that I can be a more loving person, the way I should be?

For a bit of background, I have only been Christian for about a year now, and I was not raised in a Christian household, so my biblical background is lacking.

Click to expand...

Hi ErikOzzy,

Welcome to the family of God! I'm glad to hear you've put your faith and trust in Jesus for your savation.

Here are some verses for you to pray over and think about:

• Romans 12:3
• Ephesians 5:1-10, (focusing on verse 8)
• 1 Corinthians 4:7, (especially the latter part of that verse)

I also encourage you to read your bible each day (stick to the New Testament for now) so Jesus can teach you who He is, show you what He desires for you, and help you walk in humility. Remember, without Jesus, (and even with Jesus), we are all still a mess on our own. It is HE who does a good work in us to make us more like Him. Without Him doing that, we're all a hot mess.

One thing I would also encourage you to do is every time you realize you're being judgmental towards someone, stop yourself and pray for their salvation right on the spot. Pray for yourself also to have compassion on the lost rather than sitting in judgment over them. It won't be easy because you're so young in the Lord and in your faith (and therefore lack spiritual maturity), but practice it and it will become easier to do over time.

If it's any consolation, I was very judgmental when I first got saved at 20 years old. But as the Lord matured me in my faith (and in age), I became more humble and way less judgmental of others.

Press on, brother! Keep your eyes on Jesus!

When you keep your eyes on the big picture – the gospel of Jesus Christ; the salvation of the lost; living a holy and righteous life before God and pleasing to the Lord; the glory of God and His majesty; the return of the Lord Jesus Christ, you will be more concerned about how you are going to give an account to Him on the life that you’re living than being concerned about someone else.

Repudiating Legalism

ErikOzzy said:

For example, while walking to class, if I see a parked car with a bumper sticker supporting something that I see as immoral, I almost instinctively start to think about the kind of person the driver must be. "Oh, he/she must be some sort of godless heathen with no concept of morality.

Click to expand...

There are two problems, though they're related. First, there are lots of Christians who disagree on topics. These people could certainly be dedicated Christians. But even if they aren't, many atheists and agnostics are as moral as Christians.

To my knowledge, the main way preconceptions like that get changed is for you to get to know a wider range of people. On a college campus this should particularly easy. Almost all campuses have Christian organizations for mainline Christians and Catholics. (See http://www.carlaiu.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/CaRLA-Brochure.pdf for a list of campus organizations. Quite likely the ELCA, Methodist, and PCUSA would be mainline Protestant. Note also the Catholic and Unitarian groups.) It might be worth spending some time with them. You might also want to become involved in activities that aren't religiously based, and thus will have a range of people.

I'm from a mainline Christian background. (You'd probably think of it as "liberal," although by any but American evangelical standards, mainline churches are pretty moderate.) In grad school I was part of an evangelical fellowship associated with Intervarsity. I found it really valuable to spend time with people from such a different Christian background from mine.