Guilty over past iniquities

ryewolf

Member
Aug 27, 2017
19
20
36
Tampa
✟20,042.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
I have recently developed a lot of guilt regarding my past sins. While I have confessed my sins to God and turned from them, I think writing this out may help some.

I have been heavily involved with sexual immorality in the past, as well as same sex relationships. I have had sex with about 15 people, some of the same gender. I was in a relationship with another woman for almost 4 years. I ended the relationship in May of 2018 after being convicted by God to do so. All throughout our relationship, I tried to get close with God but just couldn't seem to do so. I always felt a wall between us. My then girlfriend was agnostic and would say terrible things about my beliefs, calling me closed-minded and ignorant for believing in God. Near the end of our relationship, I began to attend church and pray regularly. My physical desire for her became less and less, and eventually I told her that we needed to break up. I am so thankful that God freed me from that relationship.

However, we were living together and she started dating/having sex with other people two weeks after we broke up. Instead of turning to God, I turned to sexual immorality to "get even" and make myself feel better. From May of 2018 until the end of the year, I pursued online dating and slept with numerous women. In August, I started to date a woman who was not a believer, constantly criticized me, ridiculed my beliefs, etc. I only continued to hang out with her because I needed a distraction. I would go out drinking with her every weekend even though I didn't want to. During the weekdays, I would work 8-6, come home for 1 hour, and then leave again to go hang out with her (I only did this about once a week). I had two dogs at the time who are/were the loves of my life. Instead of spending time with them, I would basically leave them at home alone for 16 hours aside from 1 hour at lunch with them and 1 hour after work (again, about once per week). She would get mad at me if I wanted to bring them over, because I would "give them attention" when I should be giving her attention (her exact words). She got me into smoking marijuana as well.

Thankfully I left that relationship and broke free from same sex relationships in February of this year. Since then I have not looked back and have absolutely no desire to date women. I actually now have a strong desire to marry a man and I am so incredibly thankful for God aligning my desires with His will for me.

However, there is a LOT of guilt surrounding my lifestyle last year. Aside from defiling my body and using people, I have a lot of guilt about leaving my dogs to go spend time with the woman who didn't care for them, and who was so toxic towards me. I can't take that back or get that time back with my pets. The guilt is stronger because one of my dogs who I had for over 12 years got sick this year and I had to put her to sleep in July. She was everything to me. If I had known that I had less than a year left with her, I would not have spent that time away from her. I feel sick when I think about it because of all the time I wasted when I should have put her first (after my relationship with God of course). If I HAD kept my focus on God, I wouldn't have this guilt right now. I could've put my energy into focusing on Christ and doing things with my dogs and friends. But I can't go back and the guilt is heavy. My mind just keeps flashing back to all the time I spent living in sin instead of focusing on God, and that ties into not spending time with my dog.

I know that Christ forgives me. And I know that I did spend PLENTY of time with my dog over the 12 years that I had her and made so many wonderful memories with her. This has been a major learning experience for me - 1, to not take my time for granted, especially with pets who don't live very long. 2, If my focus is on God, I will not have regrets, guilt, or what-ifs. I look back on my 20s and just wish so badly I could do it all over again and have stayed away from sexual immorality. But all I can do now is live my life completely and totally for God so that in another 10 years I don't look back and feel regretful. God is so incredibly good, but I am having a hard time breaking free from the guilt tied into the loss of my pet. It has only been a few months so I'm sure it is part of the grieving process. It just feels so heavy right now.

Any advice, words of wisdom, or just prayer would be greatly appreciated.
 

Halbhh

Everything You say is Life to me
Supporter
Mar 17, 2015
17,173
9,191
catholic -- embracing all Christians
✟1,152,595.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I have recently developed a lot of guilt regarding my past sins. While I have confessed my sins to God and turned from them, I think writing this out may help some.

I have been heavily involved with sexual immorality in the past, as well as same sex relationships. I have had sex with about 15 people, some of the same gender. I was in a relationship with another woman for almost 4 years. I ended the relationship in May of 2018 after being convicted by God to do so. All throughout our relationship, I tried to get close with God but just couldn't seem to do so. I always felt a wall between us. My then girlfriend was agnostic and would say terrible things about my beliefs, calling me closed-minded and ignorant for believing in God. Near the end of our relationship, I began to attend church and pray regularly. My physical desire for her became less and less, and eventually I told her that we needed to break up. I am so thankful that God freed me from that relationship.

However, we were living together and she started dating/having sex with other people two weeks after we broke up. Instead of turning to God, I turned to sexual immorality to "get even" and make myself feel better. From May of 2018 until the end of the year, I pursued online dating and slept with numerous women. In August, I started to date a woman who was not a believer, constantly criticized me, ridiculed my beliefs, etc. I only continued to hang out with her because I needed a distraction. I would go out drinking with her every weekend even though I didn't want to. During the weekdays, I would work 8-6, come home for 1 hour, and then leave again to go hang out with her (I only did this about once a week). I had two dogs at the time who are/were the loves of my life. Instead of spending time with them, I would basically leave them at home alone for 16 hours aside from 1 hour at lunch with them and 1 hour after work (again, about once per week). She would get mad at me if I wanted to bring them over, because I would "give them attention" when I should be giving her attention (her exact words). She got me into smoking marijuana as well.

Thankfully I left that relationship and broke free from same sex relationships in February of this year. Since then I have not looked back and have absolutely no desire to date women. I actually now have a strong desire to marry a man and I am so incredibly thankful for God aligning my desires with His will for me.

However, there is a LOT of guilt surrounding my lifestyle last year. Aside from defiling my body and using people, I have a lot of guilt about leaving my dogs to go spend time with the woman who didn't care for them, and who was so toxic towards me. I can't take that back or get that time back with my pets. The guilt is stronger because one of my dogs who I had for over 12 years got sick this year and I had to put her to sleep in July. She was everything to me. If I had known that I had less than a year left with her, I would not have spent that time away from her. I feel sick when I think about it because of all the time I wasted when I should have put her first (after my relationship with God of course). If I HAD kept my focus on God, I wouldn't have this guilt right now. I could've put my energy into focusing on Christ and doing things with my dogs and friends. But I can't go back and the guilt is heavy. My mind just keeps flashing back to all the time I spent living in sin instead of focusing on God, and that ties into not spending time with my dog.

I know that Christ forgives me. And I know that I did spend PLENTY of time with my dog over the 12 years that I had her and made so many wonderful memories with her. This has been a major learning experience for me - 1, to not take my time for granted, especially with pets who don't live very long. 2, If my focus is on God, I will not have regrets, guilt, or what-ifs. I look back on my 20s and just wish so badly I could do it all over again and have stayed away from sexual immorality. But all I can do now is live my life completely and totally for God so that in another 10 years I don't look back and feel regretful. God is so incredibly good, but I am having a hard time breaking free from the guilt tied into the loss of my pet. It has only been a few months so I'm sure it is part of the grieving process. It just feels so heavy right now.

Any advice, words of wisdom, or just prayer would be greatly appreciated.

It can (and will if you really hear) help to listen and really get the words about what happens for us when we confess to God:

5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us."

1My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. 2He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world."
(1rst John 1 and 2)

We are actually forgiven(!), and cleansed(!), because we believe and have confessed. It's truly an Amazing Grace. :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dave-W
Upvote 0

eleos1954

God is Love
Supporter
Nov 14, 2017
9,698
5,614
Utah
✟713,403.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
I have recently developed a lot of guilt regarding my past sins. While I have confessed my sins to God and turned from them, I think writing this out may help some.

I have been heavily involved with sexual immorality in the past, as well as same sex relationships. I have had sex with about 15 people, some of the same gender. I was in a relationship with another woman for almost 4 years. I ended the relationship in May of 2018 after being convicted by God to do so. All throughout our relationship, I tried to get close with God but just couldn't seem to do so. I always felt a wall between us. My then girlfriend was agnostic and would say terrible things about my beliefs, calling me closed-minded and ignorant for believing in God. Near the end of our relationship, I began to attend church and pray regularly. My physical desire for her became less and less, and eventually I told her that we needed to break up. I am so thankful that God freed me from that relationship.

However, we were living together and she started dating/having sex with other people two weeks after we broke up. Instead of turning to God, I turned to sexual immorality to "get even" and make myself feel better. From May of 2018 until the end of the year, I pursued online dating and slept with numerous women. In August, I started to date a woman who was not a believer, constantly criticized me, ridiculed my beliefs, etc. I only continued to hang out with her because I needed a distraction. I would go out drinking with her every weekend even though I didn't want to. During the weekdays, I would work 8-6, come home for 1 hour, and then leave again to go hang out with her (I only did this about once a week). I had two dogs at the time who are/were the loves of my life. Instead of spending time with them, I would basically leave them at home alone for 16 hours aside from 1 hour at lunch with them and 1 hour after work (again, about once per week). She would get mad at me if I wanted to bring them over, because I would "give them attention" when I should be giving her attention (her exact words). She got me into smoking marijuana as well.

Thankfully I left that relationship and broke free from same sex relationships in February of this year. Since then I have not looked back and have absolutely no desire to date women. I actually now have a strong desire to marry a man and I am so incredibly thankful for God aligning my desires with His will for me.

However, there is a LOT of guilt surrounding my lifestyle last year. Aside from defiling my body and using people, I have a lot of guilt about leaving my dogs to go spend time with the woman who didn't care for them, and who was so toxic towards me. I can't take that back or get that time back with my pets. The guilt is stronger because one of my dogs who I had for over 12 years got sick this year and I had to put her to sleep in July. She was everything to me. If I had known that I had less than a year left with her, I would not have spent that time away from her. I feel sick when I think about it because of all the time I wasted when I should have put her first (after my relationship with God of course). If I HAD kept my focus on God, I wouldn't have this guilt right now. I could've put my energy into focusing on Christ and doing things with my dogs and friends. But I can't go back and the guilt is heavy. My mind just keeps flashing back to all the time I spent living in sin instead of focusing on God, and that ties into not spending time with my dog.

I know that Christ forgives me. And I know that I did spend PLENTY of time with my dog over the 12 years that I had her and made so many wonderful memories with her. This has been a major learning experience for me - 1, to not take my time for granted, especially with pets who don't live very long. 2, If my focus is on God, I will not have regrets, guilt, or what-ifs. I look back on my 20s and just wish so badly I could do it all over again and have stayed away from sexual immorality. But all I can do now is live my life completely and totally for God so that in another 10 years I don't look back and feel regretful. God is so incredibly good, but I am having a hard time breaking free from the guilt tied into the loss of my pet. It has only been a few months so I'm sure it is part of the grieving process. It just feels so heavy right now.

Any advice, words of wisdom, or just prayer would be greatly appreciated.

We can not change the past ... that is why the Lord forgives when we humble ourselves before Him with a sincere heart.

He forgives and we move on (in Him) from there.

Psalm 103:8-12

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

Hebrews 8:12
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”

1 Timothy 3:9
They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience.

Two places guilt comes from .... from the Lord through the conviction of the Holy Spirit and that will lead you to confessing to Him and repentance ... and we humbly accept His forgiveness.

2nd place comes from satan ... saying you can't be forgiven ... and throws your past in front of you .... call on the name of Jesus .... away from me satan as I know Jesus has forgiven me!

When you have confessed your sin and have given them to the Lord and turned from them .... don't take them back!

We are to avoid temptation ... therefore honestly examine yourself and identify your weaknesses .... and avoid person(s), places(s) and thing(s) that would expose you to those temptations.

Walk with God every day. Prayerfully Study His word and dwell on it.

Ask Him every day to help you through that day.

Cultivate your relationship with the Lord ... keep your mind on Him.

May the Lord give you peace in your heart and mind and help you daily. In Jesus name, Amen.

Be joyful in the Lord that you have been forgiven and don't dwell on the past.

Psalm 70:4

May all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you! May those who love your salvation say evermore, “God is great!”
 
Upvote 0

JohnAshton

Well-Known Member
Aug 13, 2019
2,197
1,580
88
Logan, Utah
✟45,911.00
Country
United States
Faith
Anglican
Marital Status
Married
ryewof, you have an advocate with the Father in our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

He is carrying your sins for you and has forgiven you.

No one can change what has happened, and you are you because what has happened.

So (1) look to do good wherever you can in charity and love and gentleness, and (2) by not doing those things again, you will not be shaming our Lord who has given you eternal life.

The shame and guilt will lessen over time and eventually fade as you keep on the good path.

Welcome to CF.
 
Upvote 0

Dave G.

Well-Known Member
May 22, 2017
4,629
5,307
73
Sandiwich
✟314,303.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Widowed
When you come to Christ and confess, turn to Him and walk away from your sin you aren't just forgiven, the sin is forgotten in God's eyes. But we can beat ourselves up and you know Satan loves that ! There will come tests of faith of course, but just keep Seeking Him, walk with Him. You're a child of God now, the God who chooses to forget your sin in Isaiah 43:25 .

We all have a past, oh yes we surely do !!!
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

Silverback

Well-Known Member
Feb 13, 2019
1,306
853
61
South East
✟66,756.00
Country
United States
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
I have recently developed a lot of guilt regarding my past sins. While I have confessed my sins to God and turned from them, I think writing this out may help some.

I have been heavily involved with sexual immorality in the past, as well as same sex relationships. I have had sex with about 15 people, some of the same gender. I was in a relationship with another woman for almost 4 years. I ended the relationship in May of 2018 after being convicted by God to do so. All throughout our relationship, I tried to get close with God but just couldn't seem to do so. I always felt a wall between us. My then girlfriend was agnostic and would say terrible things about my beliefs, calling me closed-minded and ignorant for believing in God. Near the end of our relationship, I began to attend church and pray regularly. My physical desire for her became less and less, and eventually I told her that we needed to break up. I am so thankful that God freed me from that relationship.

However, we were living together and she started dating/having sex with other people two weeks after we broke up. Instead of turning to God, I turned to sexual immorality to "get even" and make myself feel better. From May of 2018 until the end of the year, I pursued online dating and slept with numerous women. In August, I started to date a woman who was not a believer, constantly criticized me, ridiculed my beliefs, etc. I only continued to hang out with her because I needed a distraction. I would go out drinking with her every weekend even though I didn't want to. During the weekdays, I would work 8-6, come home for 1 hour, and then leave again to go hang out with her (I only did this about once a week). I had two dogs at the time who are/were the loves of my life. Instead of spending time with them, I would basically leave them at home alone for 16 hours aside from 1 hour at lunch with them and 1 hour after work (again, about once per week). She would get mad at me if I wanted to bring them over, because I would "give them attention" when I should be giving her attention (her exact words). She got me into smoking marijuana as well.

Thankfully I left that relationship and broke free from same sex relationships in February of this year. Since then I have not looked back and have absolutely no desire to date women. I actually now have a strong desire to marry a man and I am so incredibly thankful for God aligning my desires with His will for me.

However, there is a LOT of guilt surrounding my lifestyle last year. Aside from defiling my body and using people, I have a lot of guilt about leaving my dogs to go spend time with the woman who didn't care for them, and who was so toxic towards me. I can't take that back or get that time back with my pets. The guilt is stronger because one of my dogs who I had for over 12 years got sick this year and I had to put her to sleep in July. She was everything to me. If I had known that I had less than a year left with her, I would not have spent that time away from her. I feel sick when I think about it because of all the time I wasted when I should have put her first (after my relationship with God of course). If I HAD kept my focus on God, I wouldn't have this guilt right now. I could've put my energy into focusing on Christ and doing things with my dogs and friends. But I can't go back and the guilt is heavy. My mind just keeps flashing back to all the time I spent living in sin instead of focusing on God, and that ties into not spending time with my dog.

I know that Christ forgives me. And I know that I did spend PLENTY of time with my dog over the 12 years that I had her and made so many wonderful memories with her. This has been a major learning experience for me - 1, to not take my time for granted, especially with pets who don't live very long. 2, If my focus is on God, I will not have regrets, guilt, or what-ifs. I look back on my 20s and just wish so badly I could do it all over again and have stayed away from sexual immorality. But all I can do now is live my life completely and totally for God so that in another 10 years I don't look back and feel regretful. God is so incredibly good, but I am having a hard time breaking free from the guilt tied into the loss of my pet. It has only been a few months so I'm sure it is part of the grieving process. It just feels so heavy right now.

Any advice, words of wisdom, or just prayer would be greatly appreciated.

God has forgiven you, you have been been washed clean in the blood of the lamb. God forgave your sin, and has chosen to remember those sins no more.

After sin wears us down, it is often difficult to move past it, and forgive ourselves. Christ paid the debt in full, there is nothing else to do, nothing left undone, your sins were nailed to the cross, YOU ARE FORGIVEN...there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

You mentioned your Pets, I have to agree on the level of love people have for them. Our pets don't lie to us, or, betray us, or, use us. They also do not cheat, or steal from us. I don't know if we will be reunited with our furry friends, I would like to think we will.

I just leave that in Gods hands, if he thinks we need our pets to be happy, then we will have them.
 
Upvote 0

Dave-W

Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner!
Supporter
Jun 18, 2014
30,521
16,866
Maryland - just north of D.C.
Visit site
✟771,800.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I have recently developed a lot of guilt regarding my past sins.
The devil LOVES to tell us how bad we were/are/will be. He still uses that same line he used in the garden" "Has God said? ... God has NOT said...." First he questions and then denies what God plainly said. He questions if you were really forgiven, then says you really were NOT forgiven, and then lays the load of **** on you that you will ALWAYS be that way and GOD has given up on you.

All lies. Every single word thought and feeling. Lies.

You are forgiven. You are accepted. You are LOVED. Just as you are. And loved too much to leave you where you are.

Be encouraged my dear sister. God has good things for you.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: tturt
Upvote 0

aiki

Regular Member
Feb 16, 2007
10,874
4,348
Winnipeg
✟236,528.00
Country
Canada
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
I have recently developed a lot of guilt regarding my past sins. While I have confessed my sins to God and turned from them, I think writing this out may help some.

Have you trusted in Christ as your Saviour and yielded to him as your Lord? Does Christ sit on the throne of your heart, the undisputed ruler of you? Is he your greatest love? (Matthew 22:36-38)

God does not in His word, the Bible, urge us to feel guilty about our sin, but to feel sorrow over it (James 4:7-10). That sorrow should move us toward God, not away, and propel us into holier, more Christ-centered living. You ought to sorrow over the wickedness of your life. Doing so is entirely appropriate. Christ bore the penalty of all of the sin you have committed upon himself on the cross of Calvary. Your sin cost him dearly. That should prompt you to sorrow. This sorrow, this godly sorrow, however, always has as its focus the Person of Christ, our Beautiful Saviour, not our sin.

Guilt, though, is something else. It serves no good purpose but to condemn us and mire us in a preoccupation with our sin. God no where in His word urges us to dwell upon our wicked deeds, which we must do in order to feel guilty about them. Doing so is a sure route to more sin. Instead, we are told in Scripture to fix our eyes upon Christ, to consider his glory. (Hebrews 12:2-3; 1 Corinthians 3:18) When we feel guilt over our sin, we end up bringing it forward from the past into the present, rehearsing the awfulness of what we've done. Because God has made us to be conformed to our focus, doing so is very dangerous. What we fix our attention upon obtains the power to influence our thinking and behaviour, conforming us to it. If you focus upon your sin, you will soon become conformed to it. If you focus upon God, you will find yourself acting more and more in accord with His will and way.

Guilt actually arises from Self, not from God. It is a selfish response to sin. And because it is, it does not move one closer to God but only deeper into the darkness of one's Self. The heart of forgiveness is a determination not to recall the past and bring it into the present. This is what God does with our sin when we confess it to Him and it is what we must do with our sin also.

Jeremiah 31:34
34 And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, says the Lord: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.


Hebrews 8:12
12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.


Hebrews 10:17
17 And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.


So it is the apostle Paul wrote the following:

Philippians 3:12-13
12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on that I may lay hold of that for which Christ has also laid hold of me.
13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,
14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.


Good advice for us all - especially for those who are labouring under the destructive burden of guilt.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

DennisTate

Newbie
Supporter
Mar 31, 2012
10,742
1,664
Nova Scotia, Canada
Visit site
✟379,864.00
Country
Canada
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
CA-Conservatives
Sometimes our having really messed up in the past helps us to have a powerful testimony that really reaches others once we become stronger in the faith. If you do a search for the "Testimony of Todd White" who wasted twenty two years of his life as a drug addict you will see somebody whose openness and honesty about his past combined with the zeal that he had after his being healed of his addictions.........
really played a huge role in my daughter giving her life to Messiah Yeshua - Jesus with her whole heart.

Luke 7:47

Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.
 
Upvote 0

tturt

Senior Veteran
Supporter
Oct 30, 2006
15,760
7,236
✟788,800.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Suggest using some Scriptures as ways to praise our Savior.
After we repent -
"I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." Heb 8:20 becomes Thank you Lord that you are merciful and you do not remember my sins and iniquities. I am forgiven!
 
Last edited:
  • Useful
Reactions: ajcarey
Upvote 0

ajcarey

Well-Known Member
Jun 3, 2019
486
445
Midwest
✟46,967.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Understand and let it sink in deep that Christ died to redeem you FOR HIMSELF. I put that in caps because if you see your life as belonging to Him now (and it sure sounds like you really do!) then that is all that really matters. Your time in sin was time lost for Him; and now wallowing in guilt over sins that you've repented of will only cause you to lose more time for Him. You've repented, you've found His grace, you are on the right track now- run hard in the direction you're going and let the regret over the lost time only make you run more intensely (and carefully) in seeing He gets the best of your remaining time. Anything, whatever it might be called, which interferes with you doing that isn't something to embrace nor to allow to overtake you. Doings things the Lord's way and serving Him with your whole heart is going to yield the best result possible for your remaining time; and that is something to be joyful over. That ought to be your focus and that is the essence of the meaning of the Bible phrase "The joy of the Lord is your strength" found in Nehemiah 8:10.

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1-2)

"13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you. 16 Nevertheless, whereto we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us mind the same thing." (Philippians 3:13-16)
 
Upvote 0

FutureAndAHope

Just me
Supporter
Aug 30, 2008
6,362
2,910
Australia
Visit site
✟732,859.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I have recently developed a lot of guilt regarding my past sins. While I have confessed my sins to God and turned from them, I think writing this out may help some.

I have been heavily involved with sexual immorality in the past, as well as same sex relationships. I have had sex with about 15 people, some of the same gender. I was in a relationship with another woman for almost 4 years. I ended the relationship in May of 2018 after being convicted by God to do so. All throughout our relationship, I tried to get close with God but just couldn't seem to do so. I always felt a wall between us. My then girlfriend was agnostic and would say terrible things about my beliefs, calling me closed-minded and ignorant for believing in God. Near the end of our relationship, I began to attend church and pray regularly. My physical desire for her became less and less, and eventually I told her that we needed to break up. I am so thankful that God freed me from that relationship.

However, we were living together and she started dating/having sex with other people two weeks after we broke up. Instead of turning to God, I turned to sexual immorality to "get even" and make myself feel better. From May of 2018 until the end of the year, I pursued online dating and slept with numerous women. In August, I started to date a woman who was not a believer, constantly criticized me, ridiculed my beliefs, etc. I only continued to hang out with her because I needed a distraction. I would go out drinking with her every weekend even though I didn't want to. During the weekdays, I would work 8-6, come home for 1 hour, and then leave again to go hang out with her (I only did this about once a week). I had two dogs at the time who are/were the loves of my life. Instead of spending time with them, I would basically leave them at home alone for 16 hours aside from 1 hour at lunch with them and 1 hour after work (again, about once per week). She would get mad at me if I wanted to bring them over, because I would "give them attention" when I should be giving her attention (her exact words). She got me into smoking marijuana as well.

Thankfully I left that relationship and broke free from same sex relationships in February of this year. Since then I have not looked back and have absolutely no desire to date women. I actually now have a strong desire to marry a man and I am so incredibly thankful for God aligning my desires with His will for me.

However, there is a LOT of guilt surrounding my lifestyle last year. Aside from defiling my body and using people, I have a lot of guilt about leaving my dogs to go spend time with the woman who didn't care for them, and who was so toxic towards me. I can't take that back or get that time back with my pets. The guilt is stronger because one of my dogs who I had for over 12 years got sick this year and I had to put her to sleep in July. She was everything to me. If I had known that I had less than a year left with her, I would not have spent that time away from her. I feel sick when I think about it because of all the time I wasted when I should have put her first (after my relationship with God of course). If I HAD kept my focus on God, I wouldn't have this guilt right now. I could've put my energy into focusing on Christ and doing things with my dogs and friends. But I can't go back and the guilt is heavy. My mind just keeps flashing back to all the time I spent living in sin instead of focusing on God, and that ties into not spending time with my dog.

I know that Christ forgives me. And I know that I did spend PLENTY of time with my dog over the 12 years that I had her and made so many wonderful memories with her. This has been a major learning experience for me - 1, to not take my time for granted, especially with pets who don't live very long. 2, If my focus is on God, I will not have regrets, guilt, or what-ifs. I look back on my 20s and just wish so badly I could do it all over again and have stayed away from sexual immorality. But all I can do now is live my life completely and totally for God so that in another 10 years I don't look back and feel regretful. God is so incredibly good, but I am having a hard time breaking free from the guilt tied into the loss of my pet. It has only been a few months so I'm sure it is part of the grieving process. It just feels so heavy right now.

Any advice, words of wisdom, or just prayer would be greatly appreciated.

There is a passage in Job, that says:

Job 36:10-11 He openeth also their ear to discipline, and commandeth that they return from iniquity. If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures.

Looking back on my life, there were many wasted moments, that would have been better served in seeking God with a whole heart. But there is nothing I can do about the past. Yet God has given me a good future, He has blessed me. Now I forget the shame of the past.

The same is true of your situation, one day you will not need to look backwards to the failure of the past, for your future will have replaced it with good.
 
  • Useful
Reactions: ajcarey
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,480
17,639
USA
✟933,190.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
Greetings,

Satan is an opportunist. He uses successful strategies against us to accomplish his aims. The guilt is meant to foster despondency with the hope you’ll turn to others to soothe your heart as you’ve done before. You have to fill those empty places with the Lord.

Guilt is a means to an end. Dealing with the brokenness that put you on that path will stifle the attacks. Start with the rejection.

~Bella
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

gym_class_hero

Well-Known Member
Dec 31, 2016
839
966
state of grace
✟122,069.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about
such things. "

Sanctification is a process, we have to train our minds to concentrate on the truth, which is Gods word. Heard an interesting concept in church today...our beliefs are strengthened by our actions and then our actions are strengthened by our beliefs. Its an ongoing process. But if we believe a lie, then our actions will follow that belief as well. Satan will attack you more when you try to walk in a manner that brings glory to God. Your guilt is not from God. You are not the "chief among all sinners. "

Accept what God has said about forgiving your sins as far as the east from the west and keep walking in truth. We all stumble at times. God bless you.
 
Upvote 0