I've been talking to this girl since June, and at one point I told her I needed to focus on me for a while and can't do a relationship right now, as a recent college graduate and heeding my parents' advice (I still live with them). I asked her not to put her life on pause for me, but she said basically said "It's okay, I'll wait for you. You're worth it." Now it's coming down to the wire where she is tired of waiting and wants me to give her an answer if we can date now or not (which I don't blame her for).
I'll be honest, due to frustrations within my household, I have been demonizing my parents for a while now. I have been very uncommunicative with them, making out their points of view to be old-fashioned, snotty, and overbearing. I even told the girl recently I can't date because of them -- I had made out a monstrous image of them in my head, and now I was using it as an excuse.
I realized this after talking to the girl and her venting her frustrations about my excuse, and I felt compelled to go communicate with my parents more than I have in weeks. I spoke to my dad this morning, who was very willing to talk with me about it and was very gentle and personable in his responses. I felt tears welling up in my eyes -- how could I have come to a point where I was basically filled with such hateful thoughts and energy towards my own loving parents? I praise God for softening my heart enough to get over myself and open myself back up to those who love me and want the best for me.
My dad's answer was still not what I wanted to hear, but it was far from the image of his point of view that I had thought up. And it was comforting because I felt that I had reconnected with him and mended that relationship (I need to do the same with my mother, perhaps more than I needed to with my father). My dad brought up some of his own experiences in his youth, and he thought that this relationship would not be wise to pursue because of the distance between this girl and I (1 hour distance) would ultimately make it not work. I asked him if he would be upset with me if I did so choose to date her, and he said "Well, I think it would be unwise."
I value the opinion of my parents greatly. While I still need to talk to my mother about this (she has her own problems with the relationship), the thought of choosing to do something that my father alone thinks is unwise absolutely kills me. But I also want very much to give this girl a chance -- I actually thought the distance between us was the least of our problems.
This is a difficult decision. I will definitely be in prayer about it, but may I ask you all's advice? Thanks.
TL;DR: Praise God for softening my heart, and I'm seeking advice for this situation where my parents are advising me to get out of relationship. I want to give the relationship a shot, but I also value my parents' opinions greatly. What shall I do?
Did this woman have sex before marriage?
Fornication is sex outside of marriage. God's Word says that fornicators will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
19 "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are
these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told
you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." (Galatians 5:19-21).
We are told to confess our sins to Jesus (1 John 2:1). For if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
Did she confess of her sin of fornication with her ex to Jesus?
We are told to flee fornication in Scripture.
"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18).
Joseph literally ran away from fornication (See: Genesis 39:12).
Does it seem like she is fleeing fornication by keeping her ex fornicator close by in her own living space? No.
We are told to avoid fornication by having a wife.
"Nevertheless,
to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. " (1 Corinthians 7:2).
Meaning: We are supposed to wait until marriage until having sex.
It does not seem like she would be a loyal long term life partner who truly is honoring God's Word in what it says currently. You also cannot change people, either. She is either living for the Lord or she is not. You cannot force salvation upon a person, and it does not sound like she is living a saved life that is truly following Christ Jesus because she is not fleeing fornication but she is still living with with her ex fornicator. For it would seem highly unlikely that she is lived with an unmarried man and they did not have sex with him at some point. This kind of behavior is condemned in the Bible. Why would you want a sinful woman instead of a godly woman who will keep herself until marriage?
