Advice wanted for discernment in friendships

ryewolf · Oct 31, 2019

Hey everyone,

I will try to make this as to the point as possible! While I have believed in God for over 20 years now, I only recently (about a year ago) began to take my faith very seriously and have turned from the sins I was committing. I was involved in sexual sin and same sex relationships but have finally broken free from that and am now pursuing relationships with men as I have a strong desire to find a husband (praise the Lord!).

Because of my past, I do have several lesbian friends who are non-believers. I also have a friend who claims to be a Christian and is a lesbian; she goes to an affirming church and thinks it is fine to be gay. I have come to the conviction that ACTING on same sex desires is sinful.

I have been wondering what friendships to keep and which ones I should step away from. I was just reading 1 Corinthians 5. Verses 9-13 discuss how the church is given the authority as a whole to exercise judgment on members inside of the church, and to not associate with Christians who live in constant, unrepentant sin. However, we are not to judge those outside of the church. With that said I do believe that we shouldn't be friends with anyone who creates strong temptation in our lives, or who may compromise our Christian testimony.

In summary, my questions are as follows:
1) One of my lesbian friends (non-believer) is a great person. She does not tempt me to sin and we enjoy wholesome activities together. The catch is that I haven't told her that I've turned away from same sex relationships. I have no idea how to go about doing so. She has been shunned from the church before for her sexual orientation and I really don't want her to feel judged by me. However, I know that I'm technically lying each time that sexual orientation comes up and I don't admit that I am dating men. I know that this is wrong and it makes me feel like I'm living a "double life". Any tips on how to handle this with grace and non-judgment would be greatly appreciated.
2) These verses have made me wonder if I should distance myself from my friend who calls herself a Christian lesbian. Not just because of the verses in Corinthians, but also because she does have feelings for me. Again, I'm not sure how to handle that situation with grace. Any tips would be wonderful.
3) Opinion on whether or not being friends with lesbians could potentially hurt my Christian testimony? I know Jesus hung out with sinners all the time so I definitely don't want to just end friendships just because of their unrepentant sin...but I also don't want to hurt my testimony.

Thank you!

yeshuaslavejeff · Oct 31, 2019

ryewolf said:
Any tips on how to handle this with grace and non-judgment would be greatly appreciated.

In all things, of course,as it already appears you are doing and seeking,

seek Yahuweh's (The Sovereign Creator's) Kingdom, which is "at hand" (He is near to us, not afar off)..

Discernment is mentioned frequently in and throughout Scripture.
Discernment is actually "judgment" as directed by God (His Instructions, His Judgment) ...

This page has a lot of references:
https:// www . biblegateway . com/resources/dictionary-of-bible-themes/8227-discernment-nature

Here are some of them:

"8227 discernment, nature of

Discernment is given by God, through his Holy Spirit.

It is received through God’s word and through the insight of a renewed mind. Discerning believers seek to grow in their understanding and knowledge of God’s truth.
Discernment as sound judgment

Judging the right course Pr 15:21; Php 1:9-10 See also Pr 3:21-23; Pr 8:8-9; Pr 10:21; Pr 11:12; Pr 18:1; Pr 24:30; Hos 14:9

Distinguishing good from evil 2Sa 14:17 See also Ge 3:22; Job 6:30; Job 34:3-4; Isa 7:15

Distinguishing holy from common Lev 10:10; Lev 11:47; Eze 22:26; Eze 44:23"
------
...
...

"The discerning keep God’s law 1Ch 22:12; Ps 119:34; Pr 28:7
The source of discernment

Discernment is given by God Da 2:21 See also Pr 9:10; Da 2:27-28; 1Co 2:12-15

Discernment through God’s word Heb 5:14 See also Ps 19:7; Ps 119:98-100,130; Ro 2:18

Discernment through a renewed mind Ro 12:2 See also Jer 31:33; 1Co 2:16

Asking for discernment Ps 119:66 See also Ps 119:27,125; Jas 1:5"

bèlla · Oct 31, 2019

Greetings,

I think you should surrender your friendships to the Lord and allow Him to guide you. Surrounding yourself with people who practice the lifestyle you’ve set aside is challenging and may inevitably lead to compromises or disturbances of conscience. You’ll have to ignore a lot to keep the peace.

Turn the question on its head and consider it from a different perspective. Could a thief forgo stealing and keep company with his robber friends? Is the probability of backsliding greater or worse?

Pray for your friends and seek godly companions who are spiritually mature and good examples. Fleeing from sin is better than entertaining it.

~Bella

Greengardener · Oct 31, 2019

I find myself rejoicing in your post and agreeing with those answering prior. I want to encourage you to remain bluntly and totally honest and truthful. One would hope a friend would respect an honest reply. It might sting, and it might challenge, but with no judgmental intent, it may be just what needs to be said in combination with a life example. Many people are unbelievers because they haven't seen an example of how sensible this life really is. So as you go forward, well, just be honest and see what happens. I'm happy that the fruit of what God is doing in your life appears genuine, appears to be leading you into that wonderfully bright but narrow path to righteousness. You can love and be honest at the same time. I would imagine most of us have unbelieving people around us that we call friends. If you are tempted, draw any necessary lines. There's no going back to that point, even if our friends have decided to stay there. Just my thoughts for what they may be worth to you, ryewolf.

FutureAndAHope · Oct 31, 2019

ryewolf said:
Hey everyone,

I will try to make this as to the point as possible! While I have believed in God for over 20 years now, I only recently (about a year ago) began to take my faith very seriously and have turned from the sins I was committing. I was involved in sexual sin and same sex relationships but have finally broken free from that and am now pursuing relationships with men as I have a strong desire to find a husband (praise the Lord!).

Because of my past, I do have several lesbian friends who are non-believers. I also have a friend who claims to be a Christian and is a lesbian; she goes to an affirming church and thinks it is fine to be gay. I have come to the conviction that ACTING on same sex desires is sinful.

I have been wondering what friendships to keep and which ones I should step away from. I was just reading 1 Corinthians 5. Verses 9-13 discuss how the church is given the authority as a whole to exercise judgment on members inside of the church, and to not associate with Christians who live in constant, unrepentant sin. However, we are not to judge those outside of the church. With that said I do believe that we shouldn't be friends with anyone who creates strong temptation in our lives, or who may compromise our Christian testimony.

In summary, my questions are as follows:
1) One of my lesbian friends (non-believer) is a great person. She does not tempt me to sin and we enjoy wholesome activities together. The catch is that I haven't told her that I've turned away from same sex relationships. I have no idea how to go about doing so. She has been shunned from the church before for her sexual orientation and I really don't want her to feel judged by me. However, I know that I'm technically lying each time that sexual orientation comes up and I don't admit that I am dating men. I know that this is wrong and it makes me feel like I'm living a "double life". Any tips on how to handle this with grace and non-judgment would be greatly appreciated.
2) These verses have made me wonder if I should distance myself from my friend who calls herself a Christian lesbian. Not just because of the verses in Corinthians, but also because she does have feelings for me. Again, I'm not sure how to handle that situation with grace. Any tips would be wonderful.
3) Opinion on whether or not being friends with lesbians could potentially hurt my Christian testimony? I know Jesus hung out with sinners all the time so I definitely don't want to just end friendships just because of their unrepentant sin...but I also don't want to hurt my testimony.

Thank you!

This is a really hard question. As for point 1, I would suggest that you bring up at some point the fact that you have taken a new direction in life, but express the fact that you hope it will not effect your friendship. If it does however, we must be willing "to suffer reproach for Christ's sake". Point 2, I would try first talking to your friend, or writing a note, about the fact that you feel it is wrong to not obey the word of God regarding her sexuality, but do it in a spirit of gentleness, not commanding, or with dreadful overtones, and let her know in that note that you will have to take time away from the friendship, but you will be there if she needs you. Point 3) I would say it will not hurt your testimony, Jesus was friends with sinners. We need to be friends with the people that are around, or have been put in our lives.

com7fy8 · Oct 31, 2019

Love is better than pleasure.

PloverWing · Oct 31, 2019

On the whole, I'd recommend keeping your friendships, unless they are tempting you into sexual acts that go against your conscience. If asked, I suggest using "I" language: "I'm dating a man now". "When I marry, I want to marry a man and have biological children with him." Even, and be gentle with this one, "I don't think it's right for me to date women any more; I'm only going to date men now." Speak only for yourself and your own convictions, and in the understanding that this is an issue about which people of good will disagree.

redleghunter · Oct 31, 2019

ryewolf said:
Hey everyone,

I will try to make this as to the point as possible! While I have believed in God for over 20 years now, I only recently (about a year ago) began to take my faith very seriously and have turned from the sins I was committing. I was involved in sexual sin and same sex relationships but have finally broken free from that and am now pursuing relationships with men as I have a strong desire to find a husband (praise the Lord!).

Because of my past, I do have several lesbian friends who are non-believers. I also have a friend who claims to be a Christian and is a lesbian; she goes to an affirming church and thinks it is fine to be gay. I have come to the conviction that ACTING on same sex desires is sinful.

I have been wondering what friendships to keep and which ones I should step away from. I was just reading 1 Corinthians 5. Verses 9-13 discuss how the church is given the authority as a whole to exercise judgment on members inside of the church, and to not associate with Christians who live in constant, unrepentant sin. However, we are not to judge those outside of the church. With that said I do believe that we shouldn't be friends with anyone who creates strong temptation in our lives, or who may compromise our Christian testimony.

In summary, my questions are as follows:
1) One of my lesbian friends (non-believer) is a great person. She does not tempt me to sin and we enjoy wholesome activities together. The catch is that I haven't told her that I've turned away from same sex relationships. I have no idea how to go about doing so. She has been shunned from the church before for her sexual orientation and I really don't want her to feel judged by me. However, I know that I'm technically lying each time that sexual orientation comes up and I don't admit that I am dating men. I know that this is wrong and it makes me feel like I'm living a "double life". Any tips on how to handle this with grace and non-judgment would be greatly appreciated.
2) These verses have made me wonder if I should distance myself from my friend who calls herself a Christian lesbian. Not just because of the verses in Corinthians, but also because she does have feelings for me. Again, I'm not sure how to handle that situation with grace. Any tips would be wonderful.
3) Opinion on whether or not being friends with lesbians could potentially hurt my Christian testimony? I know Jesus hung out with sinners all the time so I definitely don't want to just end friendships just because of their unrepentant sin...but I also don't want to hurt my testimony.

Thank you!

Have you asked your pastor about these relationships?

Mountainmanbob · Oct 31, 2019

I'm a drunk who doesn't drink anymore.
Just turned 13 years sober.
For a long time now there has been
no reason to hang out with my old drinking friends.

At least not while they are drinking.
For most of them this seems to be
all of the time.

Although usually kind of painful
I love Repentance.

M-Bob

ajcarey · Nov 1, 2019

ryewolf said:
Hey everyone,

I will try to make this as to the point as possible! While I have believed in God for over 20 years now, I only recently (about a year ago) began to take my faith very seriously and have turned from the sins I was committing. I was involved in sexual sin and same sex relationships but have finally broken free from that and am now pursuing relationships with men as I have a strong desire to find a husband (praise the Lord!).

Because of my past, I do have several lesbian friends who are non-believers. I also have a friend who claims to be a Christian and is a lesbian; she goes to an affirming church and thinks it is fine to be gay. I have come to the conviction that ACTING on same sex desires is sinful.

I have been wondering what friendships to keep and which ones I should step away from. I was just reading 1 Corinthians 5. Verses 9-13 discuss how the church is given the authority as a whole to exercise judgment on members inside of the church, and to not associate with Christians who live in constant, unrepentant sin. However, we are not to judge those outside of the church. With that said I do believe that we shouldn't be friends with anyone who creates strong temptation in our lives, or who may compromise our Christian testimony.

In summary, my questions are as follows:
1) One of my lesbian friends (non-believer) is a great person. She does not tempt me to sin and we enjoy wholesome activities together. The catch is that I haven't told her that I've turned away from same sex relationships. I have no idea how to go about doing so. She has been shunned from the church before for her sexual orientation and I really don't want her to feel judged by me. However, I know that I'm technically lying each time that sexual orientation comes up and I don't admit that I am dating men. I know that this is wrong and it makes me feel like I'm living a "double life". Any tips on how to handle this with grace and non-judgment would be greatly appreciated.
2) These verses have made me wonder if I should distance myself from my friend who calls herself a Christian lesbian. Not just because of the verses in Corinthians, but also because she does have feelings for me. Again, I'm not sure how to handle that situation with grace. Any tips would be wonderful.
3) Opinion on whether or not being friends with lesbians could potentially hurt my Christian testimony? I know Jesus hung out with sinners all the time so I definitely don't want to just end friendships just because of their unrepentant sin...but I also don't want to hurt my testimony.

Thank you!

1) You've got to tell her the truth. If she has an issue with you doing what is right, she is the one not exercising grace and the one being improperly judgmental. Judgment is not inherently a bad thing; it only is when it is hypocritical, is contrary to God's Word, or is maliciously intended (and those in the wrong will accuse those whose testimony convicts them of such anyways sometimes).

2) You should definitely separate from her company. If she has already made her feelings for you plain, you don't really owe her an explanation. She has occasioned the necessity for you to stay away from her due to the stumbling-block she is to you. If you think you need to say something you might just tell her you're siding with God's Word now and you can't continue your friendship due to the mixed message and false expectations you'd be giving to her. If need be emphasize it's nothing personal. If she is upset and takes it personally she's not being reasonable because she could repent and side with God's Word- and you could be friends with her yet in the Lord if she did.

3) Jesus did not hang out with unrepentant sinners constantly. Those who were called sinners whom Jesus ate with were repentant, yet He was vilified for it anyways due to the notoriety of their sin before their repentance. It is wrong to shun someone who is repentant because they have a bad reputation for how they used to be, but it is right to refuse prolonged companionship with those who are still unrepentant in doing evil in God's eyes. This can indeed cause unnecessary temptation, subtle bad influence, and harm to our testimony. Don't be ashamed nor feel guilty for doing what is right here.

Proverbs 13:20: "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed."

2 Corinthians 6:14-18: "14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. 18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty."

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Advice wanted for discernment in friendships

ryewolf

Member

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yeshuaslavejeff

simple truth, martyr, disciple of Yahshua

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bèlla

❤️

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Greengardener

for love is of God

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FutureAndAHope

Just me

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com7fy8

Well-Known Member

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PloverWing

Episcopalian

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redleghunter

Thank You Jesus!

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Mountainmanbob

Goat Whisperer

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ajcarey

Well-Known Member

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