A non-sinful act, but won't do it regardless

Your theories apparently are speculations without truth because she already told you the reason why she is waiting: she wants it to be special & saved for her future husband.

I am not shocked, think that weird, etc. I think it is WONDERFUL. She was honoring God & her future husband.

I remember my niece & her husband saving themselves in a similar fashion. When asked was it special & worth it, they said 'Absolutely.' They are happily married & just had their third child & continuing to grow in their relationship with the Lord & each other & their children.

Imagine you just got married and you kissed the very first time when you realised she never brushed her teeth and 80% of her teeth were black and decaying! Lol

One would think a wedding day is special enough without it also being the day of your first kiss.

ThisIsMe123 said:

In all my life, I have never met a Christian like this one. We went out one time, spent the day together, had a nice time. We had met at a Church singles group (this was a good while ago, just pontificated this).

I mean, I don't want to sound like I'm begrudging her for believing this. But I was like "Really?!"

She reveals to me that she never plans on kissing anyone until her wedding day. I looked at her like she had 2-heads and asked her why, since it's not a sin.

And she said something about wanting to keep that day special.

Anyways, it didn't work out, for obvious reasons, as we did not align in our beliefs in that area. Just like I don't align with Christians that won't date a person that likes to have a beer on occasion, but the no kissing before marriage was a new one.

I shared this with my Christian friends, and they too, were shocked at this. We theorized it was just that she feared intimacy and was using her religion as an excuse to not get physical. Basically, she was just shy and it had nothing to do with God. That something may be a little off about that person if they sincerely believe this.

I mean, I want to meet a Christian woman, but with that, I tend to encounter these kinds of experiences. It's like they want to live a Amish lifestyle or something?

Click to expand...

Who CARES? God bless her for whatever she believes.

Why is she being put under a microscope and raked over the coals, unbeknownst to her?

Seriously?

ThisIsMe123 said:

In all my life, I have never met a Christian like this one. We went out one time, spent the day together, had a nice time. We had met at a Church singles group (this was a good while ago, just pontificated this).

I mean, I don't want to sound like I'm begrudging her for believing this. But I was like "Really?!"

She reveals to me that she never plans on kissing anyone until her wedding day. I looked at her like she had 2-heads and asked her why, since it's not a sin.

And she said something about wanting to keep that day special.

Anyways, it didn't work out, for obvious reasons, as we did not align in our beliefs in that area. Just like I don't align with Christians that won't date a person that likes to have a beer on occasion, but the no kissing before marriage was a new one.

I shared this with my Christian friends, and they too, were shocked at this. We theorized it was just that she feared intimacy and was using her religion as an excuse to not get physical. Basically, she was just shy and it had nothing to do with God. That something may be a little off about that person if they sincerely believe this.

I mean, I want to meet a Christian woman, but with that, I tend to encounter these kinds of experiences. It's like they want to live a Amish lifestyle or something?

Click to expand...

Wedding rehearsal?

brinny said: ↑
Who CARES? God bless her for whatever she believes.

Why is she being put under a microscope and raked under the coals, unbeknownst to her?

Seriously?

Click to expand...

ThisIsMe123 said:

What's your beef with me talking about a certain someone in complete anonymity? Also, this is something that's happened way, WAY in the past.

Click to expand...

Then why bring it up at all?

Greetings,

Her behavior isn’t peculiar. We live in a lawless society where physical intimacy is the norm. But that wasn’t always the case and many saved themselves for their wedding night.

Why is her personal conviction (which may be spiritually derived) being chided? There are many things I’ve never done with the opposite sex for similar reasons. I’ve decided to forgo close friendships with men until I’m married and we form bonds with godly couples.

There’s no overly religious reason for my decision. I’ve had the opportunity to connect with women whose marriages mirror the relationship I seek. Each woman mentioned the importance of eliminating improper connections to alleviate problems down the road.

I’ve never regretted that choice and the Lord supports it. He placed me in the group. It was a special project and two singles were chosen. I was one of them.

I’m mindful of my words when addressing previous connections. I believe in the dignity of silence and respecting the other’s name. Even in their absence.

Engagements have their nuances. I can make my point without referencing them or their imperfections. Honoring them is a reflection of my character and faith. And that matters most.

~Bella

Why do you feel the need to kiss someone you are dating? Whether or not it is a sin, is it a requirement to date you? ... and if so, why?

If you are looking to get married, minimizing physical contact is a temporary thing. It isn't that weird. It just means she considers marriage a special thing and not just a "give it a try, we can always divorce if it doesn't work out."

ThisIsMe123 said:

Anyways, it didn't work out, for obvious reasons, as we did not align in our beliefs in that area. Just like I don't align with Christians that won't date a person that likes to have a beer on occasion, but the no kissing before marriage was a new one.

Click to expand...

Kissing often leads to another thing...

So it might be a good thing to abstain from kissing before marriage.

I'm familiar with the purity movement that teaches people not to kiss till they are married.
Its not a sin to not kiss till married and its not a sin to kiss a lot before one gets married.

I prefer the later so yes, I'd drop a woman who wouldn't kiss before we got married. Why keep a relationship going with there are things we aren't compatible with.

It's her preference. She's allowed to have that for herself. It will narrow who she chooses to be in a relationship with though, but she is likely aware of it and fine with that. It is also not a sin for her to hold that preference for herself. To each their own.

Here's the other thread about it: I thought I've heard it all, but...no kissing?

timewerx said:

Kissing often leads to another thing...

So it might be a good thing to abstain from kissing before marriage.

Click to expand...

It is often also, that the thoughts in the heart, the motives and desires, before kissing then why to kiss, are sinful and lead to more sin, already permitting sin... Not always, but in the world daily, yes.....

Can you kiss a woman without having sexual thoughts about her? Is there a reason to kiss a woman that you are dating other than to meet a sensual need that is related to a sexual relationship?

ThisIsMe123 said:

She reveals to me that she never plans on kissing anyone until her wedding day. I looked at her like she had 2-heads and asked her why, since it's not a sin.

Click to expand...

It's her wedding day. It's going to be special regardless.

It's her choice, but in the context of the failed social experiment of the 90's and early 00's that was known as "courting," it exuded false piety. As if saving sex for marriage wasn't enough, somehow.

I've heard the fence-building argument that not kissing means you're not going to be fornicating, with the implication that kissing means you probably will be fornicating. It seems to me that marrying a person with this belief about themselves is a mistake. If one kiss means you're at risk of rounding the bases that night, you have a self-control problem which cannot be good for a marriage. This is one unhealthy extreme that such a practice would seem to reinforce.

The other unhealthy extreme that this same practice would seem to reinforce in other couples is sexual dysfunction and frigidity when the two finally get married. They haven't gotten comfortable with kissing yet, and now they're supposed to go all the way. That's not good either. They will likely need to begin the journey of progressive exposure after they got married. Which isn't impossible, but there are couples that will need help with that, and they will need to know where to get that help, and that it's OK to get that help.

If there is any science that contradicts any of this, link me because I would like to read it.

With its false piety, there were people that bound themselves to this practice by committing to it. I would have no more people do so. Rather, people need to save sex for marriage in a balanced and healthy and reasonable way.

So her wedding will still be special if she has lost her virginity too. Is that an argument on why to have sex before marriage? And where do you draw the line? kissing, touching, under the shirt, without the shirt, underwear.....???? How about at the line where you start to think about thinking sexually...because lusting after a person in your heart and mind is the safe as doing it with your body.

Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I am sort of offended that men think a woman owes them physical touch of any sort outside of marriage and that there is something wrong with a woman who doesn't meet that need for them.

And Sketcher...your assumptions are false. Plenty of babies have been born to women who did not have physical contact with their husbands before they were married. There was a time when kissing before marriage was taboo....and yet the human race continued.

Since its not a sin for a couple to kiss and its not a sin for them not to kiss. I'd say God has left it upto the couple to decide whether to kiss or not.

There is nothing in the Bible that I know of that says that anyone shoudn't think about sex. Mat.5:28 is about adultery not about thinking about sex. The context for Jesus' comments is Jesus' comments about the 10 commandments. When Jesus say a man isn't to look at another woman its in His comments about adultery. Now adultery in patriarchal societies in Biblical times it taking another man's wife. So Jesus is saying if a man looks at another man's wife and covets her, he has taken another man's wife in his heart. This is how Jesus' comments would have been understood by His audience that day. So this verse doesn't really apply to a couple dating in my mind.

She isn't hurting anyone, and you even admit that what she's doing isn't sinful. Who and when she wants to kiss is for her to decide. It's her life. It isn't about you. Live and let live.